After being absent for ten years, Greek hero Odysseus sets sail for home after the Trojan War. On his long journey, he and his comrades mostly play cards. At one point they stop at an island to gather more food and water, quite successfully. They celebrate their success on the ship by eating some of the food they gathered and drinking some of the water they got. They play more cards and reminisce about their time gathering food and water on that one island from earlier, particularly about watching the island fancyman Mr. Darscylla politely court his love Charybdabeth. They play more cards and Odysseus arrives home. Everyone's like "Oh" and the characters eventually die, just like everyone eventually dies.
13.7 billion years ago, an infinitesimally small, infinitely hot, infinitely dense singularity nicknamed "Mr. Darcy" springs into existence. Darcy then inflates, expands, and cools, going from very, very small and very, very hot, to the size and temperature of the Universe. There is also a garden where people feast on apples daily and everything is fine about it.
Cody has one the Newbery Award for lying, and has had many awards taken away from him for using "one" when he should have used "won." He likes Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr, but not as much as he likes fake Twitter, more fake Twitter, and even more fake Twitter.