#4. Gifts For A Father Embarrassed By You
It's become harder for the youth of today to get ahead in the world. Back when our parents roamed the earth, it may have been possible to get a good job with a high school education, but today? Even a bachelor's degree is no guarantee you're getting a job where you get to sit down.
Also, we have Xboxes now, and those take some time.
In any event, you now have a dad who lies to his friends when they ask him how you're doing. Here's what to get him for Christmas.
In The Secret Of My Success, Michael J. Fox parlays his position working in the mailroom of some kind of business-company into a wheeling-dealing executive role. He does this by showing up in a suit and sitting down in an empty office. He walks the walk and talks the talk -- that's all it takes.
He also forgoes the use of elevators, traveling everywhere by champagne.
You probably have a job of some sort, even if it's volunteer Xbox Live tester, so you're going to try this for yourself.
- Go down to the thrift store;
- Get a suit;
- Put on the suit;
- Bullshit your way into a better job;
- Panic when someone looks at you funny;
- Spend the rest of the day hiding in the washroom;
- In your panicked confusion, take a picture of yourself in the washroom to prove to your dad that you got a good job;
- Give that picture to dad;
- Hold back your tears when he stares at you and ask if you're doing "Weird bathroom porn" now;
- Mumble something about dental benefits.