How many times have you friended an old classmate on Facebook and, upon seeing what they look like now, found yourself wondering exactly what happened? That cheerleader you always wanted to bang now looks like the haggard barfly your mom eventually turned into. The star athlete is now bald and overweight and, even sadder, still tries to squeeze into his varsity letterman jacket as if he doesn't realize Bruce Springsteen's "Glory Days" is about him.
It's such a common thing that I doubt there's a single person reading this who hasn't spent hours on Facebook taking smug satisfaction in just how far the mighty (meaning the "popular kids") have fallen. But you know who doesn't have that problem? Me.
For all intents and purposes, I look a lot like I did in high school. Those two pictures up there are (on the left) me when I was in high school and obviously going through a phase in which that hat seemed like a good idea and (on the right) me a few months ago with the very same cat who stars in the header image for this column. Obviously, I've aged somewhat and have lost all desire to shave on a regular basis. And yes, my hair is a whole lot thinner up top (there's probably a mullet underneath that stupid hat), but that's probably for the best. At one point, I had this ridiculous Nick Carter-esque penis hair sort of look during my formative years.
I clearly can't be trusted with the responsibility that comes with having a full head of hair. But I do still have some hair. And I've always looked a bit younger than I actually am (I'll be 74 in March), so my pretty face is still basically intact. That just leaves one thing, my weight. And guess what? I was fat in high school, too, just like I am now. So nobody is surprised when they see that, all these years later, I'm still pretty damn hefty. Being overweight when I was young just means that I got to where damn near everyone else was headed a bit earlier.