The 6 Most Insane People to Ever Run for President
There is nothing in the Constitution that says you have to be sane to run for president. The forefathers knew that such an arbitrary limitation would deprive future generations of a tremendous amount of entertainment.
So, let's honor their wishes and take a moment to salute those who believed being batshit insane should in no way stop them from running the country.
#6.
Cynthia McKinney - 2008 Green Party Nominee
If you're one of those people with a soft spot for wasting your vote on potentially loony candidates, do we have good news for you! Depending on when you're reading this, there may still be time to cast your wacky-ass vote for Green Party nominee Cynthia McKinney!
Until 2006, she was a member of Congress, where she spent her time on important things like trying to pass a bill to release the government's secret records on Tupac Shakur and assaulting Capitol police.
"Why am I holding these? Where am I?"
But wait, it gets better. McKinney upped the crazy ante recently when she claimed that the government executed 5,000 males and dumped them in a swamp in Louisiana. She stated that she assumed they were prisoners, because they were mostly males. Why, because only dudes go to prison? Somebody has never seen Caged Heat.
Prison is more relaxing without the specter of government mass murder.
This information supposedly came to her via a phone call from a woman whose son was one of those tasked with disposing of the bodies. Sure, that probably sounds dubious, but McKinney assures us she took the extra step of verifying the story with insiders. We're hoping that "insiders" is the loving pet name she's given to the voices in her head. Otherwise, someone out there with information to share that, if true, could be vital to the very fabric of American life, decided that the best place to go with it was here...
#5.
Lyndon LaRouche - 1976 U.S. Labor Party
Lyndon LaRouche has run for president at least eight times, first in 1976 as the U.S. Labor Party candidate, and later as a candidate for the Democratic nomination. Depending on who you ask, he is either a genius visionary or a batshit insane conspiracy theorist. Hmm, let's see if we can find some evidence one way or the other...
Where do we start? He thinks either the Holocaust didn't happen or, if it did, wasn't all that bad and that some kind of evil Jewish/British cabal is at the heart of the world's problems. His political party looks an awful lot like a cult, with LaRouche holding tight-fisted control over a core group of dedicated followers.
Those are all good places to begin, but why settle for the good when we can go straight for the great? And by "great" we mean "the time he claimed someone kidnapped and brainwashed one of his staff members with the intent of programming them to assassinate him." According to LaRouche's group, the intended assassin was Chris White, a British national who had married LaRouche's ex-girlfriend. The young man was allegedly kidnapped by the CIA, in conjunction with the KGB. Sounds reasonable enough, what better friends were there in 1974 than the CIA and the KGB?
BFFs.
LaRouche's people said that, once in captivity, White was programmed so that when a trigger word was uttered, White would kill his wife, then LaRouche, and then blame the whole thing on Cuban assassins (got to work the Cubans in there). After all, if some dude just went crazy and killed his wife and her ex-boyfriend, how would you ever explain that?
#4.
John G. Schmitz - 1972 American Independent Party
John G. Schmitz had a beef with Richard Nixon (when Nixon made his historic trip to China, Schmitz quite hilariously said "I was only upset that he came back"). Schmitz decided the best way to take out his anger was by running for President against Nixon in 1972, hoping to saddle Nixon with the shame of losing to someone who was frothingly insane.
If someone ever decides to compile recordings of the craziest things every said to the media, they may as well call it "John G Schmitz: The Greatest Hits," and not just because that title rhymes. For example, there was the time he casually suggested the US could benefit from a military coup to overthrow the government. But in his words, "Not a bad military coup, mind you. But a good one, like Pinochet's in Chile." Oh, okay! We thought you were saying something retarded there for a moment.
Bat-Schmitz insane.
He did have a way with the ladies though. After a particularly heated exchange with feminist lawyer Gloria Allred, Schmitz approved a press release with the catchy headline "Attack of the Bulldykes" that described Allred as a "slick butch lawyeress" and her supporters as "a sea of hard, Jewish and (arguably) female faces."
Schmitz is dead now, but fear not, the crazy lives on in a major way through his daughter, Mary Kay LeTourneau. Name sound vaguely familiar? Maybe you remember it from the several years she was in the headlines for having sex with a 13 year-old student (she was a teacher-they met when he was 8) and having two of his children. She went to jail for rape, then when she got out she did the honorable thing and married him. But, hey, at least she didn't run for president.
Where's Ross Perot? He's loony!
ReplyMaybe Mercer has receptive aphasia.
ReplyMERCER 2012!!!
ReplyWhere is Vermin Supreme? And Rick Perry!?! AND DONALD TRUMP!?!?!
ReplyHerman Cain should be added.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesMoron.
He is a glorious and utter lunatic, the man is comedy gold!
Except that Herman Cain had no designs on ever being president and everyone knows it.
I like cynthia mckinney. I think she is not only not insane, she is quite the opposite. She is one of the few whistleblowers in a nazi reminiscient regime called USA. Do we really put it past a government that was responsible for mkultra and the tuskegee experiment to be responsible for other such atrocities? Remember the quote "all it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."
ReplyNazi reminiscent*, hmmmm. Yes, because by listening to every conspiracy theorist we can fix every wrong. You're insane and offensive to those that survived WWII if you think that the US that you are living in right now is anywhere near Nazi, Germany. Just, wow....
Tuskegee and MKULTRA were during the time when were Apocalypse Buddies with the Union of Societ Socialist Republics. And also racist as Fu-uck. To say that they're representative of America today is just wrong, and utterly baseless. Unless of course you're one of the retards that thinks that the government did 9/11, in which case, yeah, that would be pretty consistent.
The problem with that, and the supposed 5,000 dead people in a swamp, is that they completely and utterly lack anything even remotely resembling evidence, or indeed any circumstance that would appear to indicate that that is a necessary conclusion to draw, sans evidence. So, Ms. Crazy thinks there are 5,000 dead people in a swamp. Good for her. NOW f*****g PROVE IT!! Don't you think that the office of President kinda requires someone that grasps the concept of empirical evidence being needed to back up a claim?!
Lastly, America doesn't even slightly resemble Nazi Germany. The DPRK, on the other hand, fits it to a T. Notice how there are NO SIMILARITIES AT ALL between us and them, which is kind of a prerequisite for a comparison.
What about "The Rent Is Too Damned High" guy?!
ReplyHey! He isn't crazy! He's a visionary. He knows the TRUE issues that affect the American people; namely, the ongoing grievance of Rent being Too Damn High.
He only ran for mayor of New York City. He really should have gone for President though
"But it's not for lack of trying, once participation in the annual Invincible America Assembly reaches approximately the square root of 1% of the total population of the United States, all world events will tilt in our favor."
ReplyThe square root of 1% is 10% so apparently 35 million people are at this assembly...
You are retarded, 1% in fractional form equals 10%, 1% square-rooted does not equal 10% in the slightest, it equals the square-root of 1% of the overall number of people present. (i.e. 10000 people overall, so 1% of that is 100, then the square-root of 100 is 10, which is the square-root of 1%)
You read it incorrectly- The (square root) of (1% of the US pop), or (sqrt) of approx. 3 million people = 1,733.
What's (somewhat) redeeming about McKinney is that when she assaulted that police officer, he denied her entry because she had changed her hairstyle recently and he didn't recognize her hairstyle, because all black people apparently look alike aside from their hair. I would have been pissed too.
ReplyMcKinney's a raving lunatic who attacked a man for not letting her into a building. Defending that is impossible unless you live in some wilderness tribe where disputes are still settled through spontaneous hand-to-hand combat.
@SerapisMetal: She recently watched 300 and stopped at the moment Leonidas kicks the Persian Messanger into the bottomless hole, ran outside to the building and applied her new history lesson to real life problems.
I am thoroughly convinced that Mercer does not understand how the English language works.
ReplyIt's like reading the Time Cube site, yes.
Why isn't Bachmann on this list? Shit, she's crazier than the rest of these people COMBINED.
ReplyUm, cause the author is not a time traveler and this was written in 2008?
I totally agree with you.
(Although I now know that this was written three years ago, so that's kinda not possible)
Mercer had me crying I was laughing so hard; hell the whole article had me laughing.
ReplyMy favorite part about the whole article is that the Robo-Mercer still wears the mortarboard hat in the last frame. Some of the funniest stuff he has said isn't even in the article, like "...Jeb Bush is all up in my house with disease..."
John Hagelin seems to have more faith in meditation than the Dali Lama, the Maharaja, and David Lynch combined. He could probably secure the Hari Krishna vote.
ReplyUpdate:
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesMichele Bachmann
Eccentric and gaffe prone is not the same as bat-shit crazy.
Wow. I'll bet nobody had that incredibly original thought.
She's not "eccentric", she's insane.
I'll give you "gaffe prone", but that's because half the s**t she says is incorrect. "I'll dissolve the American embassy in Iran". The one that hasn't existed since 1980.
She's a joke.
"Sounds reasonable enough, what better friends were there in 1974 than the CIA and the KGB?"
ReplyHeh. Funny.
"To prove that every person in the United States and world is hooked up on an Eye Spy Community-Military Intelligence (All Three) Electronic surveillance hot-wires approved by the United States Congress"
ReplyThe Matrix? 0_o
What in holy hell was Lee Mercer talking about? That picture of the terminator in a graduation cap blowing up the white house made my laugh out loud in my office, and now I'm embarrassed. THANKS LEE MERCER
ReplyAccording to police, the arsonists suspected to be involved with the burning of Jack Shepard's home were allegedly a mustachioed madman who is rumored to be called "Mario." He is purportedly portly, and has a tendency to bedeck himself in brightly colored clothes, usually red. Witnesses have reported his remarkable leaping ability and capacity to generate fire from his hands. Bystanders have also noted the presence of an accomplice, who is rumored to be called "Luigi," and is reported to be frequently seen with Mario. He is taller than his accomplice, has the same abilities, usually wears green, and is sometimes seen with something that resembles a vacuum attached to his back. If you have any information, call 1-800-FUCK-YOU.
ReplyFuck, that first sentence is garbage. arsonist* was* There.
trying to pass a bill to release the government's secret records on Tupac Shakur? She's got my vote. "Keep Ya Head Up", time to make some "Changes"
ReplyA big sarcastic thanks for making your uneducated vote for Obama.
McKinney shouldn't expect to ever be taken seriously as long as she never owns a comb or brush and keeps rolling her eyes all over the place like Buckwheat.She almost seems to *want* to be stereotyped.Why she aligns with the Green Party is a mystery as well,since I doubt she knows squat about environmentalism.
Reply Hide All See All 3 Replieswow, racist
How is her comment racist? You're being racist by accusing her of being racist. Grow up and get a solid platform to stand on, there are enough logical fallicies around here.
Must not respond to ACAW's troll.
Must not respond to ACAW's troll.
Must not respond to AC- AW f**k IT!
That's not racist and if you manage to make non-racist comments seem racist in your own mind, you are probably racist since it is so evidently the first thing to come to mind.