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As we all prepare to spend a long weekend enjoying Presidential Savings on mattresses and used Toyotas, we could take time to thank some of the presidents who passed bills that protect some of the freedoms your enjoy daily. Or we could spend the day celebrating the presidents who are decidedly more Action Movie Heroes than diplomats. Anyway, guess which kind of president this website decided to focus on? #5.
Andrew Jackson
When the 1828 election rolled around, a lot of people were terrified when they heard Andrew "Old Hickory" Jackson was running. If you're wondering how a guy we're calling a bad ass got such a lame nickname, it's because he used to carry a hickory cane around and beat people senseless with it, and if you're wondering why he did that, it's because he was a fucking lunatic. 
Former Democratic Senator and Secretary of the Treasurey Albert Gallatin feared a Jackson presidency because of his "habitual disregard of laws and constitutional provisions." Or in other words, the man was a loose canon--17th Century Washigton's answer to Martin Riggs. Sure, he probably didn't have an irate black lieutenant to answer to, or a weary partner who was too old for this shit, but he most certainly had a death wish. How do we know? Well, despite everyone's best efforts, Jackson was elected to the top office, and when he wasn't busy shaping the Presidency as we know it today, you could find him out back dueling. In case you haven't been to the 18th century lately, this unmanly sounding activity actually involves standing across from an armed man and shooting at him while he in turn shoots at you. The number of duels that Jackson took part in varies depending on what source you consult; some say 13, while others rank the number somewhere in the 100's, both of which are entirely too many times for a reasonable human being to stand in front of someone who is strying to kill them with a loaded gun. On one occasion, he challenged a man named Charles Dickinson to a duel, (the reason behind it wasn't important, not to us and certainly not to Jackson), and Jackson was even kind enough to give Dickinson the first shot. We're gonna go ahead and repeat that: In a duel with pistols, Jackson politely volunteers to be shot at first. Dickinson happily obliged and shot Jackson, who proceeded to shake it off like it was a bee sting. When Jackson returned the favor, Dickinson was not so lucky, and that's why his face isn't on the twenty. The bullet, by the by, remained in Jackson's body for 19 years because, we assume, Jackson knew that time spent removing the bullets would just fall under the general category of "time not dueling," Jackson's least favorite category.
Greatest Display of Badassedry:
The guns were inspected afterwards and it was discovered that they were in perfect working order, leading some historians to believe that it was an odds-defying "miracle" that Jackson survived, while we're pretty sure that the bullets, like everyone else, were simply scared of Jackson.
Most Badass Quote:
That's right. In a life rich with murdering people for little-to-no reason, Jackson's only regret was that he didn't kill quite enough people. People like Calhoun who, it should be noted, was Jackson's vice president. |
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I'm surprised at how gullible you all are. Theodore Roosevelt's "badass" image was the invented public persona affected by the son of one of New York's richest men at the time. It was all bulls**t.
In fact apparently T.R. was quite the dandy before he decided to change his image.
When his college roommate saw him lifting weights once he wrote "I take him for a humble-minded chap, to perform such a ladylike display in such a public place."
His nickname in the N.Y. Assembly was "Oscar Wilde".
One newspaper reporter wondered "if Mr. Roosevelt was given to sucking the knob of an ivory cane"
He would wear tight fitting purple velvet suits and had a high squeaky voice so when he spoke people would literally laugh at him.
Those are just a couple of the funnier ones I can remember. I got those out a book called The Imperial Cruise. That s**t ain't good for business when they're openly questioning your sexuality in the paper. So he made up a false badass image to fool people and apparently it's still working.
This article makes Teddy appear to be violent and cruel when he was not. This is what he said about his dad.
"I was fortunate enough in having a father whom I have always been able to regard as an ideal man. It sounds a little like cant to say what I am going to say, but he really did combine the strength and courage and will and energy of the strongest man with the tenderness, cleanness and purity of a woman."
There is no reason to doubt he inhereted those traits. Who was Teddy ever violent towards besides the enemy when he was in the military? No one. What was his major achievement? Serving the American people as President.
Andrew Jackson on the other hand was a complete a*****e.
Chuck Norris thanks God every day that he never had to fight Teddy Roosevelt.
Roosevelt began every day by wrestling his entire cabinet and throwing them out the window.
When Rejected by the Mainstream Republican Party, Roosevelt created the "Bull Moose" party. Initially, only moose were allowed to join. Later, party membership would be open to anyone who could grow antlers
The "teddy bear" was named after Teddy Roosevelt because of his love of bear meat and the fact that he was covered in fur
Teddy Roosevelt originally built the American Museum of Natural History as a kind of lepidopterist's "killing jar." But instead of butterflies, he put dinosaurs inside and starved them until they were skeletons
Roosevelt was originally from New York, but he shat Pennsylvania
Roosevelt was buried in Mount Rushmore, where his gigantic, fossilized face stares out over the country he beat into shape to this very day.
Chuck Norris thanks God every day that he never had to fight Teddy Roosevelt.
Roosevelt began every day by wrestling his entire cabinet and throwing them out the window.
When Rejected by the Mainstream Republican Party, Roosevelt created the "Bull Moose" party. Initially, only moose were allowed to join. Later, party membership would be open to anyone who could grow antlers
The "teddy bear" was named after Teddy Roosevelt because of his love of bear meat and the fact that he was covered in fur
Teddy Roosevelt originally built the American Museum of Natural History as a kind of lepidopterist's "killing jar." But instead of butterflies, he put dinosaurs inside and starved them until they were skeletons
Roosevelt was originally from New York, but he shat Pennsylvania
Roosevelt was buried in Mount Rushmore, where his gigantic, fossilized face stares out over the country he beat into shape to this very day.
Wait, the fact that Calhoun was Jackson's Vice President doesn't really make it weird since Calhoun resigned from office anyway, right?
While I'm not denigrating the awesomeness of Quincy here, he didn't need to run the Adams household while his father was off declaring indepedence because Abby was there, being a total badass, managing a dying farm, keeping her four sick kids alive during a war etc etc
They forgot to mention that Theodore Roosevelt won the Congressional Medal of Honor for his actions.
Legend states that Teddy Roosevelt was accosted by a cowboy at a Western saloon for ordering coffee. Fresh from his victory at the boxing championship, Teddy laid the cowboy out flat and went back to his drink.
The only thing was he had bad eyesight. On his trip to Africa a combination of that and his overpowered rifle meant there were a lot of wounded animals littered around the bush.
One more reason for Jackson to be a badass: during one of his duels, he shot his opponent through the groin, causing him to bleed to death. Because the opponent insulted his wife's honor.
How did you forget the best part about Roosevelt getting shot? His quote was just as insane.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose."
Followed by a 90 minute speech.
@gurrillamack: That's not why. Research, ho. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teddy_bear
Teddy Roosevelt is the greatest person to have ever lived. We shall all bow to his greatness.
"There were all kinds of things I was afraid of at first, ranging from grizzly bears to 'mean' horses and gun-fighters; but by acting as if I was not afraid I gradually ceased to be afraid." - Teddy.
This is pretty plain and nice quote. Until you realize that he just said grizzly bears and men with guns and actually meant it. Those were the first things he was afraid of, then stared his fear into itself cowering in terror.
Ever think about the fact that Teddy Bears are named after TR and that that comes from him having a pet bear?
In a history book for one of my classes, there's a picture of Teddy riding a moose. Through water.
A FUCKING WILD MOOSE THROUGH WATER
most badass president of all time? even that doesn't give Teddy Roosevelt the credit he deserves. he deserves most badass creature of all time, and nothing less.
Good gracious, nowadays we have these politically correct snobs. Those Presidents are certainly awe-inspiring.
Jackson's badassedry went on even after his death, in the form of his pet parrot. Yes, Jackson's own parrot was removed from Jackson's own funeral because it wouldn't stop swearing.
Theodore Roosevelt becomes a lot less impressive when you hear one of his speech recordings.
Second the need for mention of Jimmy Carter, if not on this list than at least in these comments... the man was attacked by a giant, swimming rabbit!
The world must never forget.
Dude, if u were as suave as JFK i garuntee u could use the "serious discussion" line. in fact i will absolutely try it, maybe throw in the hilarious accent he had too. and for the record, i think his wife was hotter than half of the chicks u mentioned