Before we jump headfirst into a new year full of joyful hopes and apocalyptic possibilities, let's take a second to remember the high points of 2018 -- or at least the ones that occurred on this here website. Here are the most popular articles that the hard-working writers at Cracked cranked out over the last 12 months:
By Evan Symon
Remember porn? Before dreaming of overthrowing the system in America, it was the #1 way people got their rocks off. And while you may imagine that it's all filmed in a single humid trailer on the outskirts of Los Angeles, it's actually shot in, like, real houses. So we talked to two owners of a house o' porn to see what it's like when you rent out your living room to the production crew of Naughty Maids 9.
Those dang Millennials are constantly inventing crazes that older people just can't keep up with. Except they can. Because if you look into a little history, you'll discover that many supposed new fads were invented decades or even centuries ago, from sexting to stand-up desks.
By Archie Grimm
"Cartoons are for children!" says the least-likable person in your life, probably. But they're wrong, because 1) cartoons are so rad, and we should all watch them, and 2) they can often handle real issues better than anything that you'll find on HBO. For example, while the subject is usually treated like an embarrassing joke, Bob's Burgers tackles budding female sexuality with tremendous nuance and emotional weight.
OK, so maybe The Art Of The Deal, aka How To Ignore Your Many Bankruptcies By Acting Like A Buffoon And Scamming The IRS, was a crock. But that doesn't mean that our beloved president doesn't have some other tips for a life well-lived. Using many, many examples, we've managed to cobble together a handbook of all the lessons Trump has to teach us. Are they good lessons? Well, ummm, I think we'll leave that one up to you.
Thanks to Google Maps, we no longer look crazy when we yell "PIZZA RESTAURANT NEAR ME. NO, NOT FEAR ME. NEAR ME, GOOGLE" into our phones while in traffic. But for all the good that having a map to everywhere in the palm of our hand has done, it's also seriously wrecked some people's days.
The gun debate is normally conducted in very calm, logical terms, but on rare occasions, people start talking s**t. Sean digs into some of the weirdest pro-gun propaganda ever made, and tears it apart as only he can.
By Mark Hill
The Bachelor seems pretty tame. It's just dozens of women embarrassing themselves on live television for weeks on end in order to win the affection of a very boring Ken doll. However, behind the scenes, it can be a weird, awful nightmare where people go into debt, go missing, and menstrual cycles can be exploited. A lot of horror goes into making those Rose Ceremonies possible.
When you work at Cracked, you don't just watch movies once. Oh no. Oh god no. You watch them so many times that every detail bleeds into your brain, and a terrifying tapestry of intricate secrets is unlocked. Fortunately, many of your favorite films have left trails of breadcrumbs that make repeat viewing a delight.
By Adam Wears
We secretly assume that we know what celebrities are like in private. For example, we think Tom Hanks really is a nice guy, and that Robert Downey Jr. is actually a wisecracking genius inventor. But some celebrities are very different behind closed doors.
Did you know that if you look closely at the streets of Paris, you can still see marks from the guillotines? Yeah, that's macabre, but it's way more interesting than just staring at the Eiffel Tower all day.
You've taken a history class or two in your life, so you know how famous events went down. OR DO YOU? Like, did you know that Hurricane Katrina caused coffins to launch from their graves? This article is full of that kind of thing.
By Ian Fortey
Sexual hijinks are thought to only exist in romantic comedies where Jason Segel accidentally gets caught boning his girlfriend by the CEO of his company. (Married To Your Job, coming to theaters this spring!) However, plenty of them happen in the real world way more frequently than you imagine. For example, statistically, a bunch of your friends have accidentally peed during sex.
You know the phrase "This couldn't possibly get any worse"? Well, in the case of these four traumatic historical events, it definitely could. Whether it's the Vietnam War or the Unabomber, you'd be surprised to know that the worst things that have ever happened were just the tip of the awful iceberg.
By JM McNab
There's nothing like revisiting your favorite movie. The warm comfort of a familiar tale, the cozy recognition of classic characters, the "Wait, I don't remember this part ..." Like how Peter Jackson's King Kong somehow managed to be even more racist than the version from the '30s, or how The Breakfast Club teaches you that the way to a woman's heart is through verbal abuse.
We'd like to imagine that propaganda doesn't hold sway over our society anymore, because we think critically, have advanced psychologically, and use Instagram instead of ever looking up from our phones at billboards or posters. But propaganda still rules our discourse in all sorts of ways, ranging from why we believe there are A/B personalities to the idea that Teddy Roosevelt was a notorious bear-lover.
The Marvel Cinematic Universe is the most popular film franchise in history, and we still manage to take it for granted. Logically, this thing should not have succeeded in the way that it did. Film history has shown us that series of this magnitude usually collapse hilariously, and yet the MCU avoided all of the dozens of typical pitfalls. We'll never see anything like it again.
"The Nazis were socialists! And they also saved the economy! And guess what? They even tried to use dark magic!" These are all common claims about Nazis, and they're all lies. In fact, many major things that we think are truths about Nazis are fairly untrue. And before you ask, no, it's not a myth that they were bad. Nazis sucked, and will always suck.
At this point, you've probably seen an awful conservative political cartoon in which caricatures of Obama and Hillary over-explain strawman talking points under the guise of comedy. Lots of conservative comedy is like this, and thanks to Seanbaby, we now have all the examples we need to definitively say, "Man, it's hard to make these positions funny."
By Nimby Smith
Food is great. It helps us gather energy, it can smell nice, and it even tastes adequate sometimes. So it's painful for us to have to deliver some bad news: A lot of your favorite foods are full of lies.
By David Wong
Cracked Executive Editor Jason "David Wong" Pargin looks into 13 things we take for granted, and reveals that the world doesn't necessarily work in the way that we've all assumed. Warning: In many cases, the data doesn't say what we wish it did.
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This should have resulted in years of therapy.
Sometimes it's just a matter of making the US Department of Defense look, like, REALLY cool.
Actual impending doom like global climate change or mass extinction just makes people bored.