Inescapable Children's Songs
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The most polarizing feature of Windows 10 will almost certainly be its soundtrack, an unceasing medley of children singing playground songs, as if from a great distance. The music comes from no speakers, headphones, or other equipment, and even lingers for several seconds after the computer is shut off. Experts suggest that these songs are an echo of another plane of reality, a beautiful place now lost to us. We now live in an abomination, these experts report, a perverted realm filled with vicious murder and touch-centric interfaces.
"... ing a.ound the osy ... a ocket ull of osy ..."
More troubling is that, even in preview builds, it appears that there is no possibility of uninstalling Windows 10 and trying to recover the innocence we've now lost. When I asked a Microsoft rep if this was an oversight or deliberate design choice, her head exploded into a cloud of spiders, so your guess is as good as mine.
Windows 10 is available for download on July 29.
Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist and the last sane man on Earth. His first novel, Severance, is incredible and available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Apex Books. Join him on Facebook or Twitter.
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For more from Bucholz, check out 21 Warning Signs Of Your Imminent Death and 5 Pros And Cons Of Leaving Your Child In The Wilderness.