The official release of Windows 7 is only a few weeks away, and if you're anything like me, you're probably asking yourself what effect this will have on your lives. Will the gates of Heaven open up and a consort of large breasted angels descend to guide you into computing heaven? Or will it be more of a low key affair, maybe involving the cast of Friends and a degrading video?
So I decided to apply my powerful brain to the problem, and find out what Windows 7 would mean for you, the average user. With only pre-release versions and betas available for download, to get a copy of the actual release version, I had to turn to eBay, where leaked copies have shown up recently. $150 and two days later, a package of bubble wrapped, technological delights arrived on my doorstep. I giddily tore open the packaging to reveal the contents.
Son. Of. A. Bitch.
Also included, but not pictured, was a small note from the seller, making some pretty inflammatory claims about my mental capacity. I took the matter up with eBay Fraud Protection, but they had similarly unkind things to say about my Internet savvy, only they used longer words. So, my attempts to get my money back from UR_a_Ediot67 were at a standstill. Unfortunately, I still had a column to produce, and as "23 Reasons Punching a Wall Really Hurts" didn't have the sort of broad appeal I normally like to include in my articles, I decided to plow ahead with my original plan. So below I present my review of "Windows 7.
Very difficult. The install for Windows 7 comes on four floppy disks, and as my laptop doesn't have a floppy drive, I was worried Id have to travel 10 years into the past to find a computer that did. Fortunately, my local Best Buy was offering a USB floppy drive for $80, which, not withstanding certain recent software purchases, struck me as the greatest ripoff the world has ever seen. I'd advise anyone wanting to install Windows 7 on their own machine should make sure their hardware can support it.
After that rocky start, the rest of the installation went relatively smooth, although I had to fiddle with the BIOS settings to get the floppy to boot. I chose to install all the options, including something called Microsoft Fax, simply because it sounded fucking amazing. After the install, the computer rebooted without incident, and I was up and running.
Terrible. I don't have any particular exotic hardware on my system, but Windows 7 still struggled to find drivers for basically everything. Screen resolution was limited to 640 x 480, and my external mouse didn't work because apparently Windows 7 doesn't have USB support. Bizarre. Ill spare you the details of what I had to do to get the wireless working, but lets just say it involved 27 hours of crying.
Finally got the Internet working!