Holy mother of fuck, what is wrong with people? There is no amount of savings on a 32-inch Westinghouse LCD TV that justifies sleeping in front of a Best Buy. I don't care if you're homeless and someone is going to give you that television for free so you can pawn it and put yourself up in a meth motel for a week, it's still not worth the effort.
I guess I was a little more able to understand the appeal back when "Black Friday" was an appropriate term for the event. You know, the days when it actually involved waking up (or camping out) early enough to be one of the first people through the door when the store opened. Eventually, though, the cutthroat competition among retailers to attract more shoppers led them to start opening earlier and earlier. It used to be that stores would open at six in the morning the day after Thanksgiving, and even then, people marveled at the dedication required to shake off a turkey (and booze) hangover at such an ungodly hour just to score a sweet deal on a Teddy Ruxpin or whatever the fuck. Nowadays, stores don't even wait for Thanksgiving to end. Walmart opens at goddamn 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving night this year. This is the only time of year when a store opening too early actually counts as an inconvenience.
The concept of Black Friday is made all the more ridiculous by the fact that, if you just wait a few more days, you can get most of those same deals online without seeing so much as a single stampeding horde of shopping hooligans.
It's called Cyber Monday, and it's how grown-ups shop for stuff they don't need. Not only do you get to skip the inclement weather and long lines, you also get to shop while you should be working. It's all upside.
Nevertheless, at the exact same time this column hits the front page of Cracked, people all across the country will be Bloodsport-ing each other to get their hands on deals that will probably be available at any time for the rest of the year, because tradition says that's what they're supposed to do.
Adam hosts a podcast called Unpopular Opinion, which you should check out right here. You should also be his friend on Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr.
Another tradition you might hate is spending time with your family. Break the cycle and read 4 (Bad) Reasons You Spend Holidays With Family. And learn how to shake off that Thanksgiving funk (Chris-Bucholz-style) with 9 Ways To Get Back Into Work Mode After A Holiday.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see Jack tear down the worst holiday ads in The 4 Most Insulting TV Ads you See Every Christmas, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
Also follow us on Facebook, because it's what the pilgrims would have wanted. (Or genocide. One of the two.)