"Hello. I'm looking forward to hurting you."
You naturally have a lot of questions about your money, and judging by the thousands of queries posed to Internet search engines this time of year, you're not alone. Some of these questions you may even be afraid to ask because they seem illegal or stupid and I want to assure you right now that they almost certainly are. But there's one man among us who won't judge you for your ignorance, a man whose knowledge base is equal parts fiscal responsibility and non-consensual sex in government institutions: my