6 Whaaat? New Movies To Watch Out For Soon

6 Superdeep -- A Russian Take On The Thing Set in a The World's Deepest Hole

During the Cold War, the United States and the Soviet Union got into a literal hole-digging contest. The result; Russia's Kola Superdeep Borehole, the "the deepest manmade hole on Earth" (presumably not including the holes Liam Neeson keeps digging for himself). The hole is so deep locals "swear you can hear the screams of souls tortured in hell" not unlike the restrooms of a 24-hour Taco Bell.

While it seems like the Russians didn't actually puncture a hole into the subterranean realm of the damned, that doesn't mean they can't make a movie about it, dammit. The appropriately-titled Russian horror flick Superdeep follows a team of researchers exploring the borehole in order to investigate the screams. What they find turns out to be "the greatest threat in history."

Of course, any movie featuring monsters, body horror and a team of researchers in a remote location is bound to draw comparisons to John Carpenter's The Thing. But this one is, um, Russian -- and, sorry, did we not mention the giant friggin' hellhole?

5 The Columnist -- A Writer Starts Killing Off Internet Trolls

We may be just teeniest bit biased, but we're not big fans of shitty internet comments. Now a new Dutch dark comedy is exploring how social media trolls can drive an internet content creator to actual acts of violence. (Which is ridiculous. Most of us simply bury our simmering range deep down until those feelings randomly explode in the middle of Christmas dinner when your mother-in-law asks how work is going.) The Columnist tells the story of one such writer who receives vile death threats after penning a controversial piece -- although realistically, they could have just had her post something vaguely critical about a superhero movie, and the result would have been exactly the same.

When she finds out that one of the commenters is actually her neighbor, the titular columnist somehow ends up killing him. And things get worse from there. She then goes on on a full-blown killing spree, bumping off more trolls than Harry Potter and Ernest P. Worrell combined. Which, again, seems like an overreaction. Even Rian Johnson never resorted to, say, subcontracting the Sinaloa Cartel to get rid of the dumbest Star Wars fans.

4 A Glitch in the Matrix -- A New Documentary From the Room 237 Guy

The question of whether or not our universe is secretly an elaborate simulation has been pondered and debated by some of the greatest minds of our time, plus anyone who ever got high and watched Inception. And lately it feels like we're all stuck living inside a computer owned by some dude who forgot to install Norton Antivirus. Well now there's an entire documentary devoted to the topic: A Glitch in the Matrix.  

While you might expect some dry talking head-filled doc, like the kind your high school science teacher would tape off PBS and wheel into the class whenever they were hungover -- but this movie is directed by Rodney Ascher, the guy who made the acclaimed Room 237, which was less of a documentary and more of  a cinematic collage full of film clips and audio excerpts of various obsessives' tinfoil hat theories about The Shining. And while there are talking head interviews in A Glitch in the Matrix, they've been "transformed into avatars" (presumably computer avatars, not giant blue horny aliens). And it features clips of everything from Minecraft to a 1977 Philip K. Dick speech in which he boldly proclaimed that "We are living in a computer-programmed reality."

Plus, the film is apparently narrated by a computer, which both adds to the simulacra of the whole thing, and is conveniently way cheaper than hiring Morgan Freeman.

3 Lapsis Shows How The Gig Economy Could Become a Sci-Fi Dystopia

Until they make a new version of Taxi Driver in which Travis Bickle runs greasy Arby's bags for Postmates, the most promising movie about the pitfalls of our modern gig economy may be the upcoming Lapsis. The dystopian sci-fi story focuses on a delivery guy who takes a job in the "cabling" business, a "strange new realm of the gig economy." Judging from the trailer, that seems to involve hauling "miles of cable" in the woods for some kind of new "quantum-encoded trading market."

These contractors are also having to work with "robot rivals" and eventually this all seems to boil over into some kind of revolution against the workers' wealthy oppressors. While the movie certainly looks promising, at the very least, perhaps it will perhaps encourage gig economy companies to pay their laborers more, lest they fall prey to some kind of violent woodland insurgency. 

2 Little Fish -- Romantic Drama About a Global Epidemic ... of Memory Loss

Look, a lot of us don't want to be watching movies featuring viral outbreaks right now -- especially ones about "COVID-23" and produced by the guy who made Pearl Harbor. But the romantic drama Little Fish is about a different kind of epidemic; set in a world where society is being ravaged by Neuroinflammatory Affliction, or NIA, a virus that attacks your memory. The film takes that sci-fi premise and focuses on the lives of one couple whose lives are upended when the husband begins to slowly lose all of his memories.

Which obviously calls to mind Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. And while that seems warranted, this certainly looks like a much sadder story. And if there's one thing we need right now, it's more existential despair, right?

1 Frank & Zed -- An Ultra-Gory Horror Fantasy Starring ... Puppets?

If you loved The Dark Crystal but thought it had a glaring lack of decapitations, and brain-eating, you might want to check out Frank & Zed. The upcoming ultra-gory horror fantasy was made entirely with puppets .... which, come to think of it, may be the only safe way to make movies these days. Judging from the trailer, it looks like the crew of local public access children's show was slaughtered by medieval demons who just kept making the show -- in the best possible way. The plot concerns two grotesque monsters who live in the woods, and have to fend off an army of attacking villagers in order to "survive The Orgy of Blood."

It reportedly took writer-director-puppeteer Jesse Blanchard seven long years to complete Frank & Zed, shooting on nights and weekends, often in his garage. While the movie's been playing the festival circuit to solid reviews, from what we can tell, it doesn't currently have any distribution deal yet. In the meantime, feel free to read our own colorful expose on what happens when you work with a bunch of rip-off Muppets.

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Top Image: Puppetcore