While the military-style equipment is being investigated by Norway's Police Security Service (or PST), the whale himself "is not a suspect in our investigation," said a representative, "for now." But the spy/ex-spy doesn't mind sticking around for questioning, as he seems to have developed quite a taste for Western values. Despite immediately blowholing his cover, he has refused to leave the area and is spending his time charming the locals by being socially aggressive -- truly the James Bond of sub-Arctic cetaceans.
So far, the Russian government has yet to respond to the turncoat whale, probably still trying to figure out how to deal with someone who doesn't drink tea and can't open doors. Meanwhile, the PST is also weighing its options what to do with this new asset, considering perhaps to transport the whale to a safe house -- sorry, "sanctuary" -- far away in Iceland. Maybe then he'll have enough time to enjoy his sudden popularity, write a le Carre-style memoir, and convince Gary Oldman to play him in the movie adaptation.
For more weird tangents and his personal recipes for toilet wine, do follow Cedric on Twitter.
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook. If you like jokes and stuff.
Recommended For Your Pleasure
WARNING! You are about to ascend SPOILER MOUNTAIN!
Some forgotten celebrities refuse to take it lying down.
After more than 20 films, our brains understandably have glossed over certain moments.
- By JM McNab
- May 17, 2019
Coming up with an original idea for a movie is hard.
Your body is a freakish, disgusting, totally metal wonderland.
- By Kelly Stone
- May 10, 2019