Early Bond Couldn't Fight At All
There's no denying that Bond's a suave killer, but until recently, the man flopped his way through fights like a drowning sloth. Sure, when you watch the close-quarters fight with Alec Trevelyan in GoldenEye, it seems like he knows what he's doing. But for 30 years before that, it was like he was trying to commit suicide in the clumsiest way possible.
In The Living Daylights, Bond reveals his terrible attention to detail when he squares off against a weapons merchant armed with a fancy rifle sporting a protective face shield. Our hero fires directly into the bulletproof hood, pauses, sees that it does nothing, and proceeds to empty his entire clip at the exact same spot. If he was a chimpanzee, doctors would say, "It appears this ape is incapable of learning, at least in the way you or I understand it."
Eon Productions"How lucky for my torso and legs that you turned out to be rock-goddamn stupid, Mr. Bond!"
In The Man With The Golden Gun, he gets locked in a waist-high bear hug with a sumo wrestler. Bond has full use of his hands, and could easily execute all manner of attacks. He chooses, from an infinite number of deadly options, to clamor down the man's back and grab two healthy portions of assassin ass meat.
Eon Productions"Argh! He found both my weaknesses!!!"
He turns the ass grab into a strangely effective wedgie, but he's either too winded from five seconds of ass play or too busy crafting a witticism about crushed rice balls to notice the three-foot-tall French butler dressed like a satanic kabuki baby coming up from behind. James gets whacked on the dome with a trident and is dragged to the next scene. So to sum up, the world's greatest spy went into a battle against an unarmed man, grabbed his butt, and then got one-shotted by his 80-pound friend with no peripheral vision. In what possible situation does he win a fight?
Eon ProductionsBehold, a man who is 1-0 against James Bond.