In Major League, Hiring Obscure Players And Then Releasing Them Would Help Their Careers
In Major League, Rachel Phelps, the new owner of the Cleveland Indians, tells her general manager to sign a bunch of cheap, obscure, no-name baseball misfits in order to drop attendance enough to justify relocating the team to Florida (thus becoming the Cleveland Floridas). What kind of villain would ruin these poor players' lives by using them as pawns in her evil relocation scheme? The answer is "not applicable," because this plan would have helped all those players tremendously.
Midway through the film, the team is actually playing rather well (as ragtag groups of misfits are wont to do), and a number of previously obscure or discarded players have really flourished. But as the team's success grows, the manager drops the bombshell about the owner's true intentions, saying she assembled them to lose intentionally. And if the players don't lose, "she'll replace you with somebody who will."
But ... that's great for the players. If they get released after playing really well and getting tons of exposure, other teams would be clamoring to sign them. They'd make more money as free agents, and they'd get on better teams not beholden to city-switching shenanigans. Even the manager would assuredly get hired by another, bigger team after guiding this group of total losers to the playoffs.
Rachel doesn't give a shit either way, of course, but that doesn't change the fact that her whole experiment turns out to be the perfect opportunity for a bunch of washed-up veterans and flawed prospects to get their games on track and fix their careers. The movie should have ended with the team carrying her off the field, Rudy-style.
Related: 21 Movie Villains With Secret Good Intentions
The Bad Guy's Plan In Last Action Hero Would Have Brought Peace To Countless Universes
The villain in Last Action Hero, Benedict, obtains a magical, universe-hopping ticket, and he plans to use it to bring all of the greatest movie villains into the real world. Why? Because "in this world, the bad guys can win."
"... the presidency" is implied.
Benedict specifically mentions Dracula, King Kong, Freddy Krueger, Hannibal Lecter, and Rosemary's baby. But the thing is, the real world is probably the universe best suited to fighting off these monsters. Even ten-year-olds here know all of Dracula's weaknesses, unlike in his own universe. Hannibal Lecter happens to look exactly like Sir Anthony Hopkins -- not a hard dude to find. King Kong and Freddy Krueger would suddenly be beholden to real-world physics, and thus susceptible to bullets, among other things. Rosemary's baby was still a baby by the end of that film, and babies are extremely easy to fight.
Meanwhile, all the movie universes of these respective characters would have their biggest threats eradicated. Benedict's plan would have essentially purged all great evil from the multiverse. Instead, Arnold blows Benedict away, in what is admittedly Charles Dance's coolest death scene ever.
Spencer Thew aspires to one day reach the heights of villainy, but until then he will continue to slum it as just an asshole.
Support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
For more, check out 4 Disney Movie Villains Who Were Right All Along - After Hours:
The first-ever Cracked Podcast LIVE TOUR is coming to a city near (some of) you this spring! Tickets on sale now for Chicago IL (April 11th) and St. Paul MN (April 12th).
Follow us on Facebook. And we'll follow you everywhere.