News Flash: GOP Candidate Outed For Enjoying Bigfoot Erotica

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Despite the cavalcade of misery, cruelty, and literal child concentration camps, you can't say that American politics hasn't been crazy of late. But that craziness has now reached a new depressing zenith, as a Republican has been accused of being into Bigfoot porn -- a sentence less suited for real life than a 14-year-old's lazy Mad Lib entry.

Verizon 5:25 PM 76% Photo denverriggleman CENSORED 21 likes denverriggleman Cover art for #matinghabitsofbigfoot almost complete. I hide nothing in th
Denver Riggleman / Instagram
"And then the NAZI walked into the POOP and said 'I like GROPING BOOBS.' More on the newly appointed U.S. ambassador to Iran later at five."

Until this weekend, not a lot of eyes were on Virginia's current congressional hopefuls, Democrat Leslie Cockburn (Olivia Wilde's mother, seriously!) and Republican Denver Riggleman. But the race now has the bewildered attention of the internet since Cockburn posted a scathing criticism of Riggleman on Twitter, accusing the man of being "a devotee of Bigfoot erotica." As evidence, Cockburn published screen grabs from Riggleman's now-locked Instagram account, showing several of his drawings of a very well-endowed hairy ape. The revelations are sure to cost Riggleman voters, given that Bigfoot's penis size is among one of the mostly hotly debated topics among amateur cryptozoologists.

These revelations of cryptid cravings aren't as random as supporters of Riggleman might want them to be. In 2006, he co-wrote a book titled Bigfoot Exterminators Inc.: The Partially Cautionary, Mostly True Tale Of Monster Hunt 2006, and the Instagram posts also include Riggleman (again) promoting his upcoming book Mating Habits Of Bigfoot And Why Women Want Him.

Verizon 5:25 PM 76% Photo denverriggleman 36 likes denverriggleman My buddies thought this pic was fitting for my birthday next week and to celebrat
Denver Riggleman / Instagram
Not the worst fake Tinder profile we've seen.

Cockburn is already receiving some criticism for supposedly distracting voters from the issues by slapping them in the face with this Bigfoot dong talk. But in the same tweet, Cockburn also accused Riggleman of aligning himself with Republican Virginia Senate nominee Corey Stewart, whose candidacy thus far has been remarkably poor at not being totally racist. Perhaps Cockburn's intent is not to kinkshame her opponent, but to sideways raise awareness of his ties to white supremacy -- something that sadly no longer gets people on the internet excited in the same way as finding out that someone allegedly spanks the mythical monkey.

Cedric Voets is very open about his relationship with the Loch Ness monster. For detailed descriptions of their lovemaking, follow Cedric on Twitter.

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For more, check out 'Neckbeard Deathcamp' Is The Protest Band We Need Right Now and Oh No! American's Worst Candy Has Been Discontinued.

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