6 Of Your Favorite Foods (That Have Horrible Secrets)

The fish most likely to be counterfeit was red snapper. Of the 120 samples they tested, only seven were in truth red snapper, making them the rarest fish to spot, second only to the Loch Ness monster. White tuna also belongs on a milk carton, as 84 percent of its samples turned out to be escolar, which can cause nasty digestive problems. Other commonly mislabeled fish include halibut, grouper, cod, and Chilean sea bass. And it turns out that sushi restaurants also rest their sashimi on a bed of lies, because 74 percent of the samples from such venues were mislabeled, making your local gas station actually the safest place to eat sushi.

So for those of us who would like to know what sea monster we're shoveling down our throats, here's a helpful chart:

As you can tell, lots of these hidden fish don't sound too tasty, and they're also nowhere near as valuable as the listed fish. But even if they were as good (they aren't), not a lot of people would pay the same for some slickback, toothfish, or weakfish ... or giltheaded seabream, which sounds like one of Jethro Tull's lesser albums. We're most worried about the Asian "catfish," but that's because we don't believe in eating food that comes with a garnish of quotation marks.

See, in order to sell at a farmers market, you actually have to be a farmer -- a verified one, with a pitchfork and everything. But when the NBCLA drove to the "farms," all they found were a bunch of weeds / dirt fields. So unless these farmers were all part of some wizardly hippie collective magicking up their produce out of thin air, it's safe to assume they were selling you the same stuff you could find at a Walmart at half the price. Fake farmers are popping up all over the country, some of them so brazen that they'll specifically label their food pesticide-free while having no idea whether that's true or not. How would they know? They're not really farmers.

The same sort of chicanery goes on at farm-to-table restaurants. A series of exposes in The Tampa Bay Times revealed the myriad ways your favorite locally sourced hipster eating collective could be lying to you, from frozen food masquerading as fresh and buying pre-made dishes, to fish mislabeling and food marked as "organic" or "non-GMO" which was the exact opposite. As the owner of the famous Chino Farms noted: "Chefs will come, write down notes, leave without buying anything, and then say they're serving our food at their restaurants." They hypocrisy is so intense that one restaurant even had a "F**k Monsanto Salad" on its menu (along with truffle fries), but when a reporter confronted the chef about where he got his produce, he shrugged and said, "It's really hard to find non-GMO produce." But it's so, so easy to lie.

While craft whiskeys like to pretend they're all wholesome small businesses distilling hooch from an ancient family recipe, the sad truth that this is often a marketing stunt. To cut corners, many of these new artisanal labels buy their alcohol wholesale from a single factory distillery in Indiana. MGP (formerly Seagrams) mass produces all kinds of alcohol (including "food grade industrial alcohol"), and is known for its low cost and consistency in taste -- the same consistency that then gets poured into dozens of differently labeled bottles, each boasting of their "individual and unique" taste. So if you ever wondered how you were able to buy 15-year-aged rye from a company that only started in June, there's your answer.

As for the why, start-up distilleries often use the same excuse. They do it as "a means to develop a brand and help fund the next step" of distilling their own alcohol. But it's easier and cheaper and lazier, and often they never stop. Some craft labels even go as far as to create "Potemkin distilleries" -- shiny distilleries that produce nothing but the appearance of self-sufficiency while the label keeps slinging their cheap factory booze. Even some pretty large labels cut the same corners, such as Bulleit, George Dickel rye, and Angel's Envy, while other so-called craft labels are in fact owned by bigger, more mass-produced companies looking to upsell their leftovers. Most of them don't even modify their factory booze before they pour it into their fancy bottles, which turn out to be the only things they put some effort into.

But if you really like MGP's stuff (after all, you've probably already drunk loads of it without realizing), at least there's one label that doesn't lie to you. Knotter (as in "not our") Bourbon markets its booze with the statement "We didn't distill this bourbon. Nope, not a drop." Now that's the kind of straight-shootin' honesty we like to see.

In 2001, Finnish researchers discovered that licorice root is a complicating factor in pregnancies, leading to premature birth -- so best not use it as a teething tool either unless you want your kid to stay under four feet. But the list goes on. The root can also be a contributing factor in kidney disease, breast malignancies, and (obviously) diabetes. It can also interfere with medicines such as blood thinners and insulin. It's poison, is what we're saying. Just be safe and eat sugar straight out of the bag.

But don't worry about those little health niggles, as licorice can straight up kill you as well. Because it screws with your potassium level, the FDA has warned people over 40 that they can develop heart problems merely by eating two ounces of licorice candy daily for two weeks. The FDA even went so far as to say that everyone, regardless of their age or how healthy they are, should be careful consuming licorice. Fortunately, the problem is usually reversible if you stop eating the stuff. Great! It's the cigarettes of sweets! Time for a whole new ad campaign.

The somewhat-revolting truth is that steak gets aged by controlled rotting -- like cheese, only made from the decaying carcass of a dead animal. Dry-aging beef, the old-school way of doing it, is done by placing the meat in an environment where the chef controls the temperature, humidity, and ventilation. This process causes the meat to dry in a way to increases its flavor while the beef slowly decays and becomes more tender. Meanwhile, the outer layer of the beef quickly transforms into a horrific crust of mold, which is then cut off right before you eat it, which means hobos eating out of the dumpster and people paying a few hundred dollars for a steak do have something in common after all.

Unfortunately, this fungus feast for steak lovers is only getting worse, as gourmet restaurants are starting a crazy arms race about it, trying to out-age each other like they're bitter rivals who wound up in the same retirement home. 55-day steak, 100-day steak, 180-day steak ... soon, you'll have an aged steak that's old enough to drive. The current winner appears to be the Dallas Chop House in Texas (where else) which served a 459-day steak. If they'd aged it any longer, it'll look about as appetizing as a zombie from The Walking Dead right before it hits your plate.

So while the food industry is constantly lying to you about where and how your favorite eatings come into being, we guess the moral here is that sometimes, we should be grateful for the lies.

Dry-aging steak at home is actually still kind of a neat process to watch, try it yourself and see.

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For more check out The 6 Most Horrifying Lies The Food Industry is Feeding You and The 6 Creepiest Lies the Food Industry is Feeding You.

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