This round-up has absolutely nothing to do with Ernest. Or Vern, for that matter. But, last week, as we so often do, we asked you to post suggestions for the name of the round-up in the comments, and promised that we might read them. Well, Cracked Super-Commenter CodyCastor came through with Ernest Goes to Round-Up.
We didn't even really want to post the Ernest one. Cody also suggested Donkey Show Reenactment, and we wanted to go with that one but our legal department informs us that we're not allowed. Fascists.
Anyway, here's some friggin comedy.
SEX SEX SEX!
6 Sex Myths as Explained by Science
The original, in all its totally original glory. Sexy and original.
Notable Comment:A debate raged in the comments section about whether or not #1 was true. Some say it's true, some say it's false, and they all spend their time feverishly commenting on Cracked articles instead of having sex...so we don't really know who to believe.
The 15 Worst Album Covers of All Time
Funky as they want to be up the crack. Vagina.
Notable Comment: We think Bhugerie just coined our new favorite catch phrase: "Am I the only one that wants to stick my dick in that pie?"
15 MORE Image You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped
Dickberg, dead ahead!
Notable Comment:Chromana reports that "#1 has now been photoshopped out of the report on their website." Cracked changes the world, yet again. Bam.
HAPPILY EVER AFTER?!
7 Most Terrifying Disney Movie Deaths
We were raised on these movies. No wonder all the weird shit we see on the internet doesn't affect us at all.
Notable Comment:Let's just listen to sweet little Noodlepie54 rant for a while. "As for Disney...well, they're evil, what'd you expect? What concerns me is that every evil character is at heart a bully. Children who like disney must be bullied on a daily basis at school. So Disney is teaching children to stand up their bullies by...well, tearing them limb from limb, or pushing them off high ledges...and not just off high ledges to splat on the ground, but from high ledges onto what ever gnarly, impaley, flamey, jaggedy crap you can plausibly place under a high ledge in order to make the death far more horrific than it already was. Also the hanging man sillouette? Yeah, one of my BIGGEST and most damaging phobias, so thanks, cracked, i'll now spent the remainder of my day at work yelling at my boss because i was on the computer...or maybe being yelled at, i forget how this works... and flashing imagine horrific hanging sillouettes dangling from the rafters of my work place, which just by the way? Is a converted dock, the room of which we occupy used to hold the SLAVES being transported from the africas to the americas. No joke, pure fact. So i'll go and be terrified now. Thats child support and psychiatrist bills you owe me now cracked."
The7 Most Retarded Food Myths the Internet Thinks are True
Also, apples are actually tree testicles. Treeticles. Look it up.
Notable Comment: Onodera says "This article is vitally important, but it doesn't cure diarrhea." Well then you just must not be using it right.
Episode 2: Every Office Should Have a Constitution
Mike and Michael draft an Awesometution for their officemates to live by. It's, uh...awesome.
YOU YOU YOU!
20 Bond Devices That Didn't Make the Cut
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Creative Ways to Deliver Bad News.
"Umm... can I get a scoop of potato salad... some of the tuna casserole... and... what the hell, let's go crazy; a slice of the alien skull. To-go please."
I know Dairy Queen has a cake for every occasion, but what the hell is this for?
I SAID FLOSS YOUR FUCKING TEETH!
FINISH HIM!.... Lui Kang wins....FLOSSLESS victory
I fucking hate bill collecters.
5 more ducks should get this baby off the ground!
"I'll be damned if my son turns out gay."
Make your own Summer Blockbuster in three easy steps!
(Quick witted black guy sold seperatly)
"Hi, my name is Peter Parker, and I'll be your waiter today."
"I have the winning hand," he thought, "but how do I lay my cards out on the table?" It was a chin-scratcher.
Goddamit Charlie!! Casual Friday IS NOT a contest!
"Stop laughing, guys. As soon as I learn how to do this for real, the training wheels come off."
The Neverending Story finally ends.
Instagram influencers are often absurd.
Well, this is terrifying.