| Featured |
|
Kids, like adults, love it when bad things happen to bad people. So Disney movies always make sure the villain gets what they've got coming to them in the end. And, sometimes, Disney gives them what they had coming, and then way, way more. Here are seven Disney villains who got dispatched in (sometimes literally) gut-wrenching ways sure to keep the kiddies up for many nights. #7.
Ursula, from The Little Mermaid
Ursula is a sea witch, which any marine biologist will tell you means "eight-legged obese Mermoctopus." After the movie's heroine Ariel meets Prince Eric (Eric? Really Disney?), she decides that she absolutely must become human, probably due to the limitations of human/mermaid sex.
The evil Ursula gives her a set of legs and lungs in exchange for her voice. Being an evil bitch, Ursala makes the trade at the bottom of the ocean. Ariel becomes human and almost drowns, barely managing to make it to shore, and Ursula, who's somehow a heavy smoker, cackles raspily because she totally saw that shit coming. What a bitch. How She Died: Near the end of the movie, Ursala blackmails king Triton into giving her the Magical Trident, the "One Ring" of The Little Mermaid. This allows her to transform into a giant, super Ursula that controls the weather.
The Prince, deciding that he's had quite enough of this shit, steers his ship through a whirling vortex of doom and freaking impales Ursula right through the gut.
For whatever reason, this causes lighting to strike her for an effective electro-stab combo. If they'd only stuck an explosive in her mouth, they would have covered the shark-kills from all four Jaws movies.
She screams in agony and falls back into the ocean, the saltwater and electricity searing through the massive open wound in her belly and charring her huge, exposed intestines (that last part is implied but not shown). The horror of this fresh in everyone's mind, the king gets his Trident back, and makes everyone happy and everything better somehow. Is there no problem a large-scale impalement can't solve? #6.
Scar, from The Lion King
Scar is King Mufasa's brother. He not only conspired against and subsequently killed his own brother, but tried to kill his nephew and (presumably) boned his late brother's wife. This is the sort of thing that goes on all the time among lions, but nobody makes a fuss until the lions start talking.
How He Died: When the fully grown Simba finally returns from his frolicking adventure with the comedy relief, he returns, likely hoping for some kind of peaceful resolution. Scar is having none of it, despite that fact that he's an old rag next to Simba.
After the longest, least sexy catfight we've ever seen, Scar is thrown from the cliff and finds himself in front of his hyena minions. The very same hyena minions he just sold out to Simba a few moments before. The heyenas question his leadership skills, and quit their jobs, leaving Scar to think about what he's done. Oh wait, no they actually tear him to shreds. The lesson: Never insult a Hyena. Fun fact: Hyena's jaws are strong enough to crush bone. We of course have no way of knowing which part of Scar's body their teeth ripped through first, so we're forced to assume it was his dick. #5.
Shan-Yu, from Mulan
Shan-Yu is a Mongolian warlord. The movie says very little about where he came from, but, judging by the eyes, we're going to assume he's a distant Mongolian relative of Darth Maul. How He Died: Mulan, who the movie repeatedly demonstrates is the single competent human being in China, follows Shan-Yu alone, eventually climbing onto the roof to set up an elaborate trap. Shan-Yu uses his Mongolian ninja powers to jump through the roof right next to her.
Using her fan, Mulan manages to pull the sword out of his hand in a move that makes Bruce Lee look like a white belt. Just as Mulan is about to kill Shan-Yu, the assistant producer reminds her that this movie needs a G rating. So, she stabs her sword into the ground and kicks him instead. Our bloodlust looks like it's going to go woefully unfulfilled. But wait!
It's Deus Ex Machina, the friendly dragon, come to help her! He fires a rocket the size of Texas, strong enough to lift the 600-lb man off his feet and torpedo him into a building crammed full of miscellaneous fireworks. Kapoosh. So basically, it's the ludicrously violent death from Naked Gun, only instead of being played for laughs, it's the climax of a kids movie. Burning chunks of Mongolian fall from the sky, always kept barely off-camera or behind an explosion, as everyone below celebrates. Happy days, indeed.
#4.
Clayton, from Tarzan
Clayton is a hunter who visits Tarzan's neck of the woods. Everything from the red scarf to the tiny-ass mustache gives off clear douchebag signals. He's the neighbor your father used to hate. Worse, he turns out be a hunter of gorillas (not actually legal) and he shoots Tarzan's adopted daddy to death. How He Died: When it comes to jumping around trees in the jungle and swinging from vines, nobody can beat Tarzan, though we suppose a freaking double-barreled shotgun that doesn't need reloading doesn't hurt your cause. Having failed to learn the lessons of history and the first two Rambo films, Clayton decides his superior weaponry is all he needs to fight Tarzan on his own turf.
The struggle ends up with Clayton suspended over a cliff, tangled up in vines. He starts hacking away at everything, save for the vines that are tightening around his neck which, quite frankly, we would have started with. Finally, he cuts one vine too many and they can't support his weight. Vines still around his neck, he falls... Lightning strikes, revealing the shadow of his dangling, lifeless corpse. Clayton snapped his neck on the vines and he is left hanging there, his big swollen tongue hanging out, his eyes bulging, and the contents of his bowels slowly making their way down his trouser leg.
Or he died from exposure after hanging there for two or three days. Either way, what the hell Disney? |
Pretty funny T.C, stating a historical fact, and then making another based on a cartoon.
@ jasonvorhees
what a Dbag. grade A Dbag.
get a f****n life.
scar looks darker than the rest of the lions
'"What is this, some kind of sandwich with words on it?"'
I laughed so hard.
Actually, Shan-Yu was a Hun. From Hungary. Most likely modeled after Attila. Who never f*****g reached China. The closest he got was touching India. Besides being bloodthirsty and racist, Disney doesn't understand history, either. This probably helped with the racism (i.e, Anonymous employee: "Why do we hate the blacks again?" Walt: "You know the death of Jesus? Yeah, they were behind that. And all wars ever.")
Also, Phoebus never raped Esmerelda. He did continually try to seduce her, even though he was engaged (not married with kids). Frollo was a priest and did try to rape her twice (never succeeded). Esmerelda didn't actually seduce anyone either; she was extremely naive and virginal. Also, she technically wasn't a Gypsy. She was kidnapped by Gypsies as a baby and raised by them.
PalinIsNotaMILF, "Hellfire" does appear on the "Hunchback of Notre Dame" soundtrack. I own it.
"Disney is wrong. In the movies they say that evil never wins. In real life its the exact opposite - the good die young and the pricks live forever. Jesus, Ghandi, Malcolm X, JFK, RFK, Martin Luther King, and so on."
Gandhi was NOT that young. And if you watch South Park he was clearly in hell.
f**k the propaganda!f**k the propaganda!
how did mermaids have sex in general...holy crap! I just got a great movie idea!
from jasonvorhees
out of nowhere email i got
So you actually created this account of yours just for the sole purpose of trying to f**k with me? Did I get that right?
As much as you try to bring me down and embarrass me, it just makes you look like the angry obsessed fan that you really are.
You've never made one comment that didn't have my name in it, because you really have absolutely nothing interesting to say or bring to the table.
Keep my name and my c**k outta your mouth and get a life, stalker-ass mother f****r.
Wanna know what's pathetic? The fact that you're trying to make people give a s**t about you by pretending to be someone famous or recognizable.
I got all my friends and notoriety around here by just being myself and speaking my mind.
Can you pull that off?
wow what a douche jason is
in the movie, Frollo was a judge, not a bigwig for the church
"Hellfire" was deemed so dark, that it has never been released on any Disney soundtrack
however, in Victor Hugo's original novel (whose fans absolutely hated the film and boycotted it) Frollo was an Arch-Deacon
while he was certainly a dick, he was considerably kinder to Quasimodo than the film portrayed him as
Esmerelda (who you neglected to mention was voiced by Demi Moore) on the other hand only seduced Q to manipulate him into helping the gypsys
and Phoebus (sp?) the knight in golden-armour, raped Esmerelda even though he was already married with children
Who cares? There're way too many rumors coming out each day. And most of them turn out to be untrue. I even start thinking if it is true that Charlie Sheen once found his love
on the celeb and millionaire daitng site
----W e a l t h ys o u l M a t e .C O M ----
http://bux.to/?r=Requin
Disney is wrong. In the movies they say that evil never wins. In real life its the exact opposite - the good die young and the pricks live forever. Jesus, Ghandi, Malcolm X, JFK, RFK, Martin Luther King, and so on.
tbh these horrible deaths only make Disney movies more awesome. I enjoyed them as a kid and quite frankly I dont give a rat's arse if Walt was a racist douche. That's like saying Beethoven's music sucks because he was a syphilitic nutcase.
oh s**t, I remember Clayton's death being pretty shocking to me too as a kid
Clayton's death scared the crap out of me when I was younger.
Oh man. I watched The Hunchback of Notre Dame after reading this article, and... WTF? For a Disney movie, it's an all-around adult movie. ("For a Disney movie" being the key phrase.)
Let's ruin Disney again!
Let us take a moment to appreciate these guys who helped make the original Star Wars great, and who have lived sad, sad lives since.
Check out the 10 most ridiculous overseas "re-imaginings" of American classics.
"Now let's see how we can make this film worse."
Also, it doesn't make you smarter.
And here we are, making it worse!
I’m not going to lie to you. After shutting down my wildly successful Hate By Numbers tm series, I wasn’t coming back. My self-imposed indefinite sabbatical was going really well, and I thought ...
Insane Messages We're Actually Sending Into Deep Space
The 8 Most Misguided Sci-Fi Versions Of 2008
SomeKindaRobot
Well, RileyHart, since you apparently know so f*****g much about the Huns you should know they come from Central Asia. They later moved to the Europe.