bcanders
"Honey, do you think it's wise to honk at it?" "God damn it, don't tell me how to drive" "I'm just saying maybe we should turn around ..." "Screw that. I'm not letting some stupid animal make me late"
zbeebs
Between Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan and Kwanzaa, not to mention the atheists, it was the only holiday decoration we could find that wouldn't offend anyone.
brandonel1
i dont see the mall all i see is your mom BAM! who says your mom jokes are dead?
CavalierX
The excitement over the new Warcraft expansion has really gotten out of hand.
ChemicalEagle
"2:00? I'm finally on time! AND I have an idea for a craption! Now to just hit submit..." --log-in or sign-up with cracked.com....-- "FUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKK"
meat
"Officer, my old lady is trippin' on me and tied me down in the parkin' lot. You know how bitches are Sir. So PLEASE let me go." *KSSTK* All units respond! Male is NOT Caucasian, I repeat, is NOT Caucasian! I'm gonna need backup! *KSSTK* !
jtklove
The clever dragon wrote the words "Toys R Us" on his forehead, opened his mouth, and waited for all of the tasty children.....
Riggz309
"Where did we park again...? Oh! Right. The 'Malformed Dino-Destroyer' section."
The_jimmuki
Why people dump their pets in local streams and expect them to adapt to their surroundings, ill never know.
SUPERNAUT44
Ever since the Battlefield built an Old Country Buffet, the paparazzi has had a field day with Rosie O'Donnell
Sairin
I don't know how you do things over in Japan, but you try that rampaging shit in America, and We'll catch you, we'll kill you, and we'll stuff a mall into you.
getittwistd
Scientology Headquarters are located in the parking lot of Battlefield Mall in the city of Bat Shit Crazy, FL.
sm112192
For those of you on the east coast, check out the time, 6:42 pm and its still bright. Do you remember those days?
mabogo
Since the addition of 'Tiny', customer complaints,returns and exchanges have dropped significantly.....
rms16270
I saw this gag on Tom & Jerry. DON'T GO INTO HIS MOUTH PEOPLE! IT'S NOT THE REAL ENTRANCE TO THE MALL!
gtrplyr515
"I don't give a shit what they have outside the mall!!! I want to go shopping!!!" - Paris Hilton
outsider22583
This just in! Authorities just apprehended Rosie O'Dennell after she tried to raid an all you can eat buffet at Panda Express...
Leaf
"I just took my pet lizard to the food court for a meal." "What did he have?" "The food court."
CaptainCarl
This year the local mall was determined to have the best damn petting zoo EVER!
Fkelleghan
And at 7:00, when he awakes, opening ceremonies begin. Who will be the first to approach and enter?
ScarlettOhara
After being a traitorous whore, Jane Fonda commits suicide in a symbolic location.
Genkai
So, I'm trying to go into the mall when this guy asks me if I need a shopping cart. I say "I do" and you know what he says? He says "I'm gonna need about tree-fiddy." It's about that time I noticed he was 3 stories tall...
GaseousClay
They need more bathrooms in this mall. I had to drain my lizard in the parking lot.
Ironlightsaber
Come on down to Battlefield Mall and get all your 20 sided dice needs taken care of. 35% off all D&D Character Sheets. Be sure to stop by on Saturday for "Poke a Dragon with a Stick Dayz"!!! The kids will love it!!!!
Bionic_Crouton
Yeah It's scary, but it still not going to keep those damn teenagers out of the mall!
wrathofgod72
Kirstie Alley had to be restrained and sedated today by the local Army reserves after she was denied membership at the local Curves.
zero82
There! We finally got him. Now, let's beat the crap out of that damn Rick Moranis!
Jack-O
Abandon hope all ye who enter here...HOPE OF FINDING BETTER PRICES ANYWHERE ELSE, THAT IS!
Iceburger
And you thought M. Night Shyamalan's twists couldn't get any worse than 'trees did it'
robo042
Animal Control: "Okay, guys let's see what we got h-- holy sh... fuck THAT, DRIVE, GARY, GET US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE."
Frigga
Shit. That's in California. I don't have time for Craptions, I've got to get the fuck outta here!
DScolpini
That Battlefield Mall really should have fed the Loch Ness monster after they captured her...
mrtrick83
What an asshole to quintuple park at the mall during the holiday shopping season.
Genkai
Carl's ride was always in the way as it was, but parking it diagonally across multiple spots is just damn rude!
gtrplyr515
You know those guest speakers that always told you acid could come back and haunt you when you were driving on the freeway? Holy shit, were they ever right...
snapfade
Ummm yeah honey, that's definitely the mall, looks perfectly safe to me. Just go ahead and walk up to the entrance, and uhhh I'll be back to pick you up.
Bell110
Cold-blooded monsters are actually easier to capture than the movies would have you believe.
SUPERNAUT44
It's 6:42 PM. Do you know where your gargantuan spiny warthog lizard thing is?
captainawesome8
When little Billy's mother said he could have any pet from the mall he wanted, she had no idea what she was getting herself into.
agalryunaer
The second coming of Jesus was addressed to a whole new species, then again who would blame him? Too bad those species are assholes as well...
kiddo
"Can I get Joey to the parking lot, for a trash pick up. Joey, to parking, for a pick up."
Genkai
This used to be called the Pussy Nerd Mall until the day that damn giant lizard showed up.
Dr.Pepper
GEICO's new spokesman debuted at the Battlefield Mall, scaring the shit out of many....
gtrplyr515
What moms turn into when they go shopping for the kids for Christmas at the mall
Sourcookies
After devouring most of Woodstock, Godzilla's rampage finally come to a pot-induced halt
kiddo
The giant intergalactic space iguana sighed; outside his gravitational orbit AND in the suburbs. Again.
zbeebs
An empty parking lot, an inexpensive sign, and Morgrid would dine well on hapless teenagers for decades...
getittwistd
I knew dinosaurs still existed! I just won 50 bucks from Sarah Palin. She bet me that Jesus killed them all off!
K2theC
"Yea Battlefield Mall, it's on the corner of... Ah fuck it there's a damn monster in the parking lot you can't miss it."
getittwistd
Set it and forget my ass, this thing is WAY overcooked. I'll get you for this, Ron Popeil!
BowToTheBard
"If you would please step over the tongue, we'll begin our tour at the esophagus . . . "
xgrendelx
Some people go to amazing lengths to build a terrarium for their pets. The one has a mall parking lot and everything!
xgrendelx
Bob shows up to get a picture of the cool "Battlefield Mall" sign, only to have his shot ruined by the mutant gigantor hellbeast just LAYING in his way.
Zaphod
Godzilla didn't regret his hangover nearly as much as he regretted dressing as Lilu from the 5th Element for Halloween.
Fkelleghan
It's what all the kids want for Christmas this year, but I don't see how the hell I'm going to wrap the fucking thing.
EvilGness
"Now that we've trapped the monster, shouldn't we move it somewhere safe, like away from people?" "Fuck 'em, I don't get paid overtime."
bydonn
"...The White Zone is for loading and unloading tethered prehistoric reptiles only...."
Zaphod
Jeff, the rookie, thought that particular dispatch code in the handbook was a joke. But then, that night at 6:42pm...
fatbloke
No one ever used the rear entrance to Battlefield Mall's new children's play area.
brokol
so this is what got the cloverfield monster so pissed. come on, we've all fucked ugly chicks.
wrathofgod72
Kirstie Alley had to be restrained and sedated by the local Army reserves after she was denied membership a Curves membership.
hibby989
Alright, sweety, I walked up here to look at this...thing with you, but I am NOT going to go near the 70-foot monster's mouth...what? You'll go shopping with me for a week? Let's do this!
AndersonCouncil
Somebody wake up Rosie O'Donnell and get her out of the parking lot! She's scaring the small children.
landmine76
"Take these purchases outside to my steed, Knave." "Uh, dude, how do I know which one is your, ah, 'steed?'"
DamnitDog
The Sci Fi Network blew its entire budget on this, all so Steven Baldwin could have steady work.
Junior
After 6 hours and 42 minutes of fighting, the Battlefield Mall sign arose victorious!
bydonn
I agree, this IS one of the 10 Worst Places to Get Caught Having Sex...oh, that's the wrong column?....good, 'cause I'd hit that....
DamnitDog
On second thought they really should put the gift shop in the front of attraction.
outsider22583
Once famous author Michael Crighton died...somehow all dinosaurs knew and fell to the ground crying...
Crux
The way the kill off the monster in Cloverfield 2 was pretty lame. I mean, who trips over a mall sign like that?
Leaf
When looking in the rearview, remember that objects in the mirror may be larger than they appear!!
outsider22583
Hey leave the monster alone! All he wanted was to get a new Nintendo Wii at Radio Shack!!
tallestmunchkin
"No. It wasn't the planes. 'Twas top quality products at discount prices that killed the beast."
Leaf
....and so, at 6:42 p.m. on November 14th, the group MADD (Mothers Against Dragon Driving) was formed.
outsider22583
15 years later, little suzie shuddered, realizing what happened to her Goldfish after flushing it down the toilet at the mall.
DamnitDog
You see we released cats to catch the rats, dogs to chase off the cats, bison to chase off the dogs, and well it kinda got out of hand from there.
mxmstrmel
"Wait... where's Gizmo? Ahhh you fucking fed him after midnight and left him outside, didn't you!"
NoFC
"Right, so when Cthulhu shows up, we'll cue the Cloverfield monster to attack while he's chompin' down on American Godzilla. Any questions?" "Sir?" "Yes, Reggie?" "Thats an awesome name for a mall, sir." "Why yes, yes it is."
pngnman
There were two entrances to the "Battlefield Mall," but most people went through the mouth.
DamnitDog
"So this is an actual prop from Land of the Lost?" "Yeah" "Why didnt they just use CGI?"
Leaf
Strapping his pet lizard to the roof of his Civic for his trip to the mall turned out to be one of Eric's worst ideas...
chromigula
New at Battlefield Mall: Take a stroll through the intestinal track of a real dragon! Free latex glove balloons for the kids!
Truthiness
So do I take my chances parking next to the giant slug or the beat up Mustang convertible? I'll go with the slug.
robo042
Yeah... about that... Gary, we're gonna need you to stay late tonight and, um... take care of... that.
nosayso
The Beast of Battlefield mall may eat a child from time to time, but considering it keeps "Hot Topic" out we're willing to look the other way.
derk11
Dan kind of regretted hiring his contractors from middle earth, you don't even want to know where the exit is
Supermutant
Take your picture with the dragon $25 for a ride, and no liability assumed by Battlefield Mall.
robo042
"Hey, I did MY job, don't look at me like that. I killed it and now it's dead. It's YOUR problem now."
robo042
"Um... why is there a monstrous burping giant lizard with a tummy ache where the mall used to be?"
Jenna_Tullwortz
The Battlefield mall may suck ass but apparently they have an AWESOME gaming store.
HardcoreMax
It's a well known fact that the mighty dinosaur died out because of being heavily sedated and restrained...
pirate
See... I just knew the country would go straight to hell as soon as Obama was elected...
Schmofo
Don't worry kids... if the giant straps break, the yellow tape will still contain him!
las49313
(singing) "Dooon't gooo chaaasin' dragon falls. Please stick to the lizards and the snakes that your uuuused to."
ridethewalrus
I told you it was a good idea to take care of our Christmas shopping last week.
zbeebs
You might want to avoid the Battlefield Mall, the LARPers are taking it over this weekend.
radinet
The forensic team has yet to determine which +5 weapon was used behind the murder.
chilly
"Dammit all of these parking lots look alike. We'll never be able to find our way back to where we par...Oh."
Leaf
Could have sworn the weather report said to watch out for a big blizzard today. A BLIZZARD, damn it...
greeny13
I think I hit somethingback there, but I don't think we whould stop to get it off the road.
greeny13
The leading brand chicken nuggets put up a good fight for the meat, but now they have to salvage it before other companies do.
pyrogen
u just have to wonder about god sometimes..... like sometimes i wonder y he doesnt make himself obvious and also once in a while i wonder Y THE FUCK HE WOULD MAKE A GIANT FUCKING SEA MONSTER!
Sofa-king
"But hes parked in 47 handicaped spots!" "I dont care lenny were giving it a ticket"
Sofa-king
"See what happens when you shoot into the sky,you'll accidently hit on of these fuckers!"
ZananIV
At Battlefield Mall Used Car Dealership, we sell all makes and models. ALL OF THEM!!!
Sofa-king
"But its parked in 47 handicaped spots!" "For the last time lenny were not ticketing it"
shaker28
Famous last words: "It's perfectly safe, folks. There's no way he can break through that fence of caution tape"
getittwistd
Designers found that the mouth to Battlefield Mall was a tad bit scary for small children.
getittwistd
The entrance to battlefield mall is considered the scariest mall entrance in America.
gtrplyr515
Goddamnit George Lucas, I'm sick of you trying to take your Star Wars Universe to new levels
swimrgurl
godzilla goes looking for a girlfriend...where better to find on than at the mall?
connan
Ladies and gentlemen, this tall drink of water headed my way is a pillar of the shopping community who informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his to screw my girlfriend in an extremely uncomfortable place.
ScarlettOhara
The local gangster rappers continue to try and out do each other with their custom SUV's.
getittwistd
Once the reporter's get here, you'll see Jesse Jackson staring into the camera all night with tears in eyes.
Rex-Jester
After a randy night of mall-humping, the super-sized hornytoad was eventually subdued.
getittwistd
Dammit, and my Hugh Fucking Scary As Shit Monster Warranty just ran out 3 weeks ago. This always happens to me! First the Dodge and now my Monster!
gtrplyr515
"Ummm, excuse me Sir? I think I left my pet iguana around here somewhere?" "Don't know what your talkin about kid."
XenophobicAlien
I told the Creature not to eat tha Claire Stores Becuase its causes Diarrhea
rms16270
(singing) "Dooon't gooo chaaasin' dragon malls. Please stick to the lizards and the snakes that your uuused to."
wizzPOPPA
its like godzilla mixed with lake placid, except with less fire and violence n more animal activist shit thrown in for drama
Zaphod
"I know, Jenny, the Mall used to be for us young folks... what's with all the fossils around here?"
monkeyboy
welcome to battle feild mall as you can see we have the lizard kings' carcase to be used as the mall and to find the food court all you have to do is enter the intestine
TheSnacker
After Godzilla defeated his latest monster, the people decided that they were not going to let it get back up...
Genkai
Lizzy regretted telling George and Ralph that she'd meet them at the mall this early in the morning.
zbeebs
Goddammit Marty! I've been a hit in Tokyo and New York, what the hell am I doing here?!? I'm just gonna have to get a new agent, that's all!
TheSnacker
Battlefield Mall. That is a rather unusual name for a mall. I wonder how it... OH MY GOD!!! WHAT IS THAT IN THE PARKING LOT!?!
TheSnacker
That's not something you see every day: An almost empty parking lot at the mall!
ajp1015
I don't care if that mall has great parking. I'd rather not getting eaten today by a giant lizard Edith.
spoo
Party rule #34: Always drink from your own cup, you never know who's going to give you the roofie treatment.
Nisas
In a last ditch effort to beat WalMart, the mall buys a giant monster from Japan. What's the worst that could happen?
YogSothoth
I don't remember Godzillas retarded half-brother being in the Dawn of the Dead remake.
tchelo
howard sometimes woke up thinking that maybe animal proctology was the wrong field for him... fon
bydonn
The ironic thing is, Pat Benetar will sing here tonight.... "Love is a Battlefield....."
bydonn
Business had tripled since their mascot resembled their new name, and Battlefield Mall made everyone forget the old name, Mall of French Lick....
Fkelleghan
It was Bilbo's very first time to visit a mall. He was darned glad for his invisibility ring.
WampaStompa
Destructor's silent protest of Monster's rights to shop at Battlefield Mall.
bydonn
Sadly, Eragon has to rely on working at Orange Julius, and Saphira gives children rides over Battlefield Mall.
Sedul
Sadly, Dinosaur Fred faces a bitter ending with parking authorities, after over parking several car spots
Gorillawarfare
Gary the giant lizard didn't care about waiting so long for massage, as long as king kong did extras
Dondeadpool
Oh, that's just cruel. It looks like they got him stoned before they captured him.
lycia
will the owner of the giant lizard please move your vehicle, you are blocking a firetruck route and will be towed
wrathofgod72
Kirstie Alley had to be restrained and sedated by the area National Guard when she was denied membership to Curves.
BrodieMan
Man, Bowser from the Super Mario Bros remake looks way better than the original.
wrathofgod72
Kirstie Alley had to be restrained and sedated today after another failed attempt at gaining a membership to the areas Cruves fitness center.
Ubergeek
I got stuck in a bad traffic jam at the Battlefield in. But there is good news, I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance.
DamnitDog
"Do you think the restraints are safe?" "As safe as putting an African American with an Middle Eastern name in the white house. What could possibly go wrong?"
DamnitDog
Finding no work in Hollywood, the Cloverfield monster resorts to the last resort of any actor, Dinner Theather. It just didnt expect TO BE the theater.
wrathofgod72
Kirstie Alley had to be restrained and sedated today by the local National Guard after another failed attempt at gaining a membership at the local Curves Fitness Center.
Spamboy
With the economy in shambles, Tim's decision to stock the 80 foot dragon seemed a bit premature.
Gandark
Upon defeating the dragon, the knights decided it was time their village got a little upgrade!
elisegomez
Gives new meaning the words "road kill". I hate to be the guy that has to clean that up!!
bobleponge
After the rift between World of Warcraft and our world was opened, there were some interesting side effects.
DamnitDog
"Hey look its Meatloaf." "Dude, thats a giant lizard." "Same thing. So you wanna meet him?"
DamnitDog
Meatloaf Died just as Meatloaf lived, face down on the grownd looking like shit.
Samurai53
after several hours and a few people eaten mall security finally brought the monster down
DrManhattan
Barney, in his prime, was purple. When he turned yellow, they dragged him out back o' the studio and popped a cap in his ass.
DamnitDog
A Warning to John Travolta and Hollywood: Battlefield Earth does not need a sequal, and THIS shouldnt be in it anyway.
carlitostsu
What ever happened to those preteen mall rats? This, kids: is your body on mall food
robo042
"But we didn't order any..." "Hey, buddy, I'm just the delivery driver. You know what it took to get this thing here? It's YOUR problem now."
Schmofo
Struggling between the black asphalt and yellow stripes, the Mall Chameleon finally collapsed in exhaustion.
Grezz
He'd helped them tie it down as best he could but speeding away and leaving his two sons there was the only real way to punish them for breaking the first of the 3 rules by pissing on their gremlin
Jarhead
The first meeting of the Human and Giant Lizard Races has not gone well. Needless to say the Giant Lizard Race now refuses to tell us the secret to immortality.
Jarhead
Captured, the Dragon people's ambassador to Earth was already planning its destruction.
rotflmao
hey, Frank... go up there, and ask it to move,... make sure to get close to the mouth
steez
Mommy, what is that? Honey, don't bother mommy when she's drivi... oh my godzilla!
a_knobbie
...and that's the story of how you were made! A dragon had sex with the ground.
lighter
Honey, lets go shopping at Battlefield's. I mean what could possibly go wrong with that?
lighter
Whew! that was fun!..think I'll just take a Little nap,...then I'l.....go..ah....
CptSpaulding
The all you can eat buffet at the mall finally figured out how to deal with their Rosie O'Donnell problem.
shaker28
Just like 80's pop sensation Tiffany, Hannah Montana likes to do performances at local malls.
Indigo_Dingo
"The trap is set" said Puff "And now I just have to wait for the Christmas rush"
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