6 Sex Myths as Explained by Science
It's hard to find out the truth about sex, because when we talk about it, we're usually lying. So every dude has a nine-inch dong, and pouring a Red Bull on your ass before sex will totally prevent pregnancy.
Luckily scientists are working tirelessly to sort through all the "facts" about sex you learned from porn and your pals in the locker room.
#6.
Beer Goggles
The Conventional Wisdom
You're out with some buddies at the bar, and it's getting late and, let's face it, you're shitfaced. Suddenly, you're the best dancer in the room and you're noticing something wonderful: This is the sexiest fucking club on the planet!
You're looking good, the women are looking good and you're a bit confused by the fact that even that guy at the bar is looking pretty damn fine too. The next morning, you roll over to find that you are face to face with a wrinkly sea of back fat featuring the largest tattoo of Satan you have ever seen.
Science Shows...
As it happens, beer goggles are a real live scientific phenomenon. Scientists tested a group of 84 British students with some lime-flavored drinks. Some of those drinks were non-alcoholic, some were spiked with vodka to get the subject good and sauced. We like to think they served these drinks in beakers and graduated cylinders, in true nerd fashion.
In a laboratory simulation of 'cruising for chicks on Facebook after downing a six pack,' the scientists showed the college students photos of both males and females and had students play the scientific method's first documented instance of would you rather. What they discovered was that the students with the spiked drinks found the people in the photos more attractive--even the heterosexual students looking at people of their own gender.
So the good news is if you're a dude who dreams of going out to the bar and winding up as some hot chick's drunken mistake, you've got a chance. The bad news is, the same scenario could lead to the burly arms of some dude who looks like Ed Asner.
"Ed Asner just wants to cuddle"
#5.
Chicks Dig the Car
The Conventional Wisdom
Most of the auto industry's sales come from this long-held assumption of frat boys everywhere: the nicer the car, the better your chances with the ladies.
If you think you're going to pick up a woman in a beat up hatchback, then you'd better listen to those Free Credit Report guys, because as their catchy jingle says, women won't give you the time of day if you drive a '98 Daewoo.
At least he can play the guitar.
Science Shows...
The Free Credit Report guy is right.
A British insurance company called Hiscox (seriously?) conducted the study. They found when female subjects heard the roar of a Maserati's engine, they went to their happy place down south. Out of the 40 women who participated in the study, every last woman reported getting that tingly sensation from the sports car.
So maybe you're thinking that being "green" and "economically responsible" might turn some women on, right? After all, chicks dig a guy who cares about the earth! Well, not so much. The study also concluded that not only were both guys and chicks turned completely off by the sound of a VW Polo, but it actually lowered everyone's testosterone level.
So when you're rolling around in the Volkswagon or Prius and some frat boy named Tyler calls you a pussy, sadly he's actually got science on his side.
#4.
Sex Makes Men Sleepy
The Conventional Wisdom
Ladies, you've just had a passionate roll in the hay with your significant other (or drunken mistake). Since you're a girl, all you want to do after sex is cuddle and talk about marriage and missing your period. But when you roll over, he's already snoring into his pillow!
Anyone who's ever seen a female stand-up comedian has heard this story. He just wants to shoot his wad and doze off, probably immediately after leaving the toilet seat up! Am I right ladies? It fits in nicely with the stereotype that men don't care about romance, and that women are emotionally needy. But it's just a cliche, right?
Science Shows...
Actually no. There's a scientific reason men fall asleep after sex. It's not their fault.
Don't look at science like that.
According to experts, an orgasm literally changes a man's body chemistry. Combine that with the physical exertion of sex and chances are that most dudes will go down like they were hit with a tranquilizer dart.
Deal with it.
So please, ladies, stop treating it like a personality flaw. And don't let him have sex with you if he's also flying a helicopter at the time.
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Not buyin' that last one. Anyone can disprove that study by simply going to a singles bar and seeing who gets more tail between the muscled up frat boy and the coke-bottle glasses wearing computer nerd. I GUARANTEE the frat boy wins EVERY time.
ReplyI thought women were the ones who fell asleep after sex, because lying horizontally improved chances of insemination.
ReplyThat one is old, it was tested and shown that sperm doesn't give a damn on gravity.
Hey, wait a minute. My brother's name is Tyler, and he used to be in a fraternity. He also was kind of a douchebag at the time. Perhaps he and the author have met? (or would that be 'him and the author'? Or 'the author and him'? I'm not even sure.) It's a small world after all...or at least that's what those creepy dancing possessed doll things at disney world once told me...
ReplyI just found a hot site COUGARCHATS,C0M where you can meet sexy and
Replyrich cougars.The cougars and young men at COUGARCHATS,C0M are seeking
for friendship, dates, romance and even marriage
It's easy; nerdy guys have always been better in bed that jocks.
ReplyI hate douchebag guys, but even though douchebag guys are the only ones who drive those loud motored cars, I f*****g love the sound of them. Can't explain it, but I totally agree with that, science.
ReplyI get that it's a humor site, but I still have to point out, cousin marriage is illegal up through third-cousins.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesLaw does not control the data science uncovers nor does it decide a persons morals and ethics. I'm not saying you should touch your cousin, but it's not really the point they made.
In the U.S.
That is on a state-by-state basis, actually.
I like men who are not pretentious.
ReplyI love after sex sleep, fast cars, smart strong men ( say like Indiana Jones) and care less for how well a man can dance and more on how well a man can do, most anything else; and hate generalizations.
ReplySo you are looking for me.
From West Virginia, looking back at you: No. We cannot and do not want to marry our cousins, despite what Cheney seems to think.
ReplyI'd cuddle with Ed Asner.
Replyummmm women fall asleep after orgasming, too... maybe they should spend more time BOTH coming, and sleeping. then everyone's happy.
ReplyNot me. I get really hyper and fidgety.
I would always fall asleep instantly after sex with my boyfriend. Annoyed him to no end.
Wow, that's so surprising. A car insurance company funds a study with only 40 female subjects and concludes that 'cool' cars totally get every single god damn woman going. Now, I don't understand the intricacies of car insurance, but that reeks of a marketing ploy to try to get young dudes to buy cars and pay insurance companies, hopefully their company, a boatload in insurance, especially since even if that was the case for some women, I highly doubt a loud, obnoxious engine roar would appeal to even close to every single female, as concluded by their 'study'.
ReplyPlus I'd lose a lot of faith in the opposite gender if that was the case, because seriously, cars are f*****g annoying in general and when I hear someone revving their engine it just makes me want to f*****g punch them. If the sound my car made was seriously all that stood between me and getting laid, screw that, I'd just be celibate.
you know, I like cars, but people who whine constantly are the people I really want to...how did you put it?..."fucking punch"
Actually breeding with a relative only causes a 3 percent chance of abnormality.
ReplyThe more serious problems come from repeated inbreeding.
"it turns out that chicks really do dig brains over brawn." Yay?....I mean, YAY!
ReplyI'm a chick and I fall asleep right after sex... is that supposed to be a bad thing...?
ReplyWomen like men who can dance the same way men like women who can dance: it shows stamina, vitality and rhythm. Things good for sex.
ReplyI do have a hot cousin, but we're both women, so that's cool, right?
ReplyI'm sure that's cool with any guy you will ever meet.
Much cooler if we can watch...and the two of you can pass as twins...as per my fantasy
OK, the problem with this article is that is "proves" things via science by citing study results...but the conclusions are not explained or even ventured as guesses, for the most part. Such as, women prefer jocks. Why? Because they, on an evolutionary level, want a big, strong, dominant male to father their children, and such children, being strong like Dad, will more likely survive infancy (since our ancestors lived in much more dangerous times, and infant mortality rates were worse than 50% at times, it is posited). Also, why do beer goggles exist? Because alcohol lowers inhibition, negating much of societal proprieties, liberating the horny beast within. Why do women talk more than men? Because men, as solitary primitive hunters, did not need to talk to communicate, and in fact shouldn't speak aloud, so as not to spook their quarry with the noise...whereas women in a hunter-gather society like our ancestors existed in needed to be able to communicate with each other: where's the best fruit found, what symptoms does your sick child have, etc. Simple. Why introduce and prove the "myth" without offering reasons "why"? This piece left me hanging, when it had so much potential.
ReplyAre you trolling? You're trolling, aren't you?
Uhm... you do realise that, apart from (to a certain extent) the alcohol-lowers-inhibition part, what you're saying is just plain wrong? I. e. myths not supported by science.
I second Beverly. As a medical student, I saw a pediatric patient with some kind of rare genetic condition (its been 12 years and I forget exactly what) whose parents were married cousins. They came from a middle-eastern culture which favored marriage within the extended family (I think because if you married outside the family, you were supposed to pay significant money for some reason), and this condition was seen almost entirely within this population. Anyway, although its true that most of the kids born to cousins are just fine, the risk of them not being just fine is increased.
ReplyThere are many genetic conditions that result from societal/cultural encouragement of consanguinity. Ironically, what is usually intended to preserve the purity of a bloodline or social/tribal group ends up causing its end in the form of closed-off genetic pathways and increased health problems related to a propensity toward recessive, negative genetic traits.
And as a medical student, you would know what recessive carriers are, which would explain why it was rare and happened within the biological family and not outside the population.