6 Sex Myths as Explained by Science

It's hard to find out the truth about sex, because when we talk about it, we're usually lying. So every dude has a nine-inch dong, and pouring a Red Bull on your ass before sex will totally prevent pregnancy.

Luckily scientists are working tirelessly to sort through all the "facts" about sex you learned from porn and your pals in the locker room.

The Conventional Wisdom

You're out with some buddies at the bar, and it's getting late and, let's face it, you're shitfaced. Suddenly, you're the best dancer in the room and you're noticing something wonderful: This is the sexiest fucking club on the planet!

You're looking good, the women are looking good and you're a bit confused by the fact that even that guy at the bar is looking pretty damn fine too. The next morning, you roll over to find that you are face to face with a wrinkly sea of back fat featuring the largest tattoo of Satan you have ever seen.

Science Shows...

As it happens, beer goggles are a real live scientific phenomenon. Scientists tested a group of 84 British students with some lime-flavored drinks. Some of those drinks were non-alcoholic, some were spiked with vodka to get the subject good and sauced. We like to think they served these drinks in beakers and graduated cylinders, in true nerd fashion.

In a laboratory simulation of 'cruising for chicks on Facebook after downing a six pack,' the scientists showed the college students photos of both males and females and had students play the scientific method's first documented instance of would you rather. What they discovered was that the students with the spiked drinks found the people in the photos more attractive--even the heterosexual students looking at people of their own gender.

So the good news is if you're a dude who dreams of going out to the bar and winding up as some hot chick's drunken mistake, you've got a chance. The bad news is, the same scenario could lead to the burly arms of some dude who looks like Ed Asner.

"Ed Asner just wants to cuddle"

The Conventional Wisdom

Most of the auto industry's sales come from this long-held assumption of frat boys everywhere: the nicer the car, the better your chances with the ladies.

If you think you're going to pick up a woman in a beat up hatchback, then you'd better listen to those Free Credit Report guys, because as their catchy jingle says, women won't give you the time of day if you drive a '98 Daewoo.

At least he can play the guitar.

Science Shows...

The Free Credit Report guy is right.

A British insurance company called Hiscox (seriously?) conducted the study. They found when female subjects heard the roar of a Maserati's engine, they went to their happy place down south. Out of the 40 women who participated in the study, every last woman reported getting that tingly sensation from the sports car.

So maybe you're thinking that being "green" and "economically responsible" might turn some women on, right? After all, chicks dig a guy who cares about the earth! Well, not so much. The study also concluded that not only were both guys and chicks turned completely off by the sound of a VW Polo, but it actually lowered everyone's testosterone level.

So when you're rolling around in the Volkswagon or Prius and some frat boy named Tyler calls you a pussy, sadly he's actually got science on his side.

The Conventional Wisdom

Ladies, you've just had a passionate roll in the hay with your significant other (or drunken mistake). Since you're a girl, all you want to do after sex is cuddle and talk about marriage and missing your period. But when you roll over, he's already snoring into his pillow!

Anyone who's ever seen a female stand-up comedian has heard this story. He just wants to shoot his wad and doze off, probably immediately after leaving the toilet seat up! Am I right ladies? It fits in nicely with the stereotype that men don't care about romance, and that women are emotionally needy. But it's just a cliche, right?

Science Shows...

Actually no. There's a scientific reason men fall asleep after sex. It's not their fault.

Don't look at science like that.

According to experts, an orgasm literally changes a man's body chemistry. Combine that with the physical exertion of sex and chances are that most dudes will go down like they were hit with a tranquilizer dart.

Deal with it.

So please, ladies, stop treating it like a personality flaw. And don't let him have sex with you if he's also flying a helicopter at the time.