6 Sex Myths as Explained by Science
It's hard to find out the truth about sex, because when we talk about it, we're usually lying. So every dude has a nine-inch dong, and pouring a Red Bull on your ass before sex will totally prevent pregnancy.
Luckily scientists are working tirelessly to sort through all the "facts" about sex you learned from porn and your pals in the locker room.
#6.
Beer Goggles
The Conventional Wisdom
You're out with some buddies at the bar, and it's getting late and, let's face it, you're shitfaced. Suddenly, you're the best dancer in the room and you're noticing something wonderful: This is the sexiest fucking club on the planet!
You're looking good, the women are looking good and you're a bit confused by the fact that even that guy at the bar is looking pretty damn fine too. The next morning, you roll over to find that you are face to face with a wrinkly sea of back fat featuring the largest tattoo of Satan you have ever seen.
Science Shows...
As it happens, beer goggles are a real live scientific phenomenon. Scientists tested a group of 84 British students with some lime-flavored drinks. Some of those drinks were non-alcoholic, some were spiked with vodka to get the subject good and sauced. We like to think they served these drinks in beakers and graduated cylinders, in true nerd fashion.
In a laboratory simulation of 'cruising for chicks on Facebook after downing a six pack,' the scientists showed the college students photos of both males and females and had students play the scientific method's first documented instance of would you rather. What they discovered was that the students with the spiked drinks found the people in the photos more attractive--even the heterosexual students looking at people of their own gender.
So the good news is if you're a dude who dreams of going out to the bar and winding up as some hot chick's drunken mistake, you've got a chance. The bad news is, the same scenario could lead to the burly arms of some dude who looks like Ed Asner.
"Ed Asner just wants to cuddle"
#5.
Chicks Dig the Car
The Conventional Wisdom
Most of the auto industry's sales come from this long-held assumption of frat boys everywhere: the nicer the car, the better your chances with the ladies.
If you think you're going to pick up a woman in a beat up hatchback, then you'd better listen to those Free Credit Report guys, because as their catchy jingle says, women won't give you the time of day if you drive a '98 Daewoo.
At least he can play the guitar.
Science Shows...
The Free Credit Report guy is right.
A British insurance company called Hiscox (seriously?) conducted the study. They found when female subjects heard the roar of a Maserati's engine, they went to their happy place down south. Out of the 40 women who participated in the study, every last woman reported getting that tingly sensation from the sports car.
So maybe you're thinking that being "green" and "economically responsible" might turn some women on, right? After all, chicks dig a guy who cares about the earth! Well, not so much. The study also concluded that not only were both guys and chicks turned completely off by the sound of a VW Polo, but it actually lowered everyone's testosterone level.
So when you're rolling around in the Volkswagon or Prius and some frat boy named Tyler calls you a pussy, sadly he's actually got science on his side.
#4.
Sex Makes Men Sleepy
The Conventional Wisdom
Ladies, you've just had a passionate roll in the hay with your significant other (or drunken mistake). Since you're a girl, all you want to do after sex is cuddle and talk about marriage and missing your period. But when you roll over, he's already snoring into his pillow!
Anyone who's ever seen a female stand-up comedian has heard this story. He just wants to shoot his wad and doze off, probably immediately after leaving the toilet seat up! Am I right ladies? It fits in nicely with the stereotype that men don't care about romance, and that women are emotionally needy. But it's just a cliche, right?
Science Shows...
Actually no. There's a scientific reason men fall asleep after sex. It's not their fault.
Don't look at science like that.
According to experts, an orgasm literally changes a man's body chemistry. Combine that with the physical exertion of sex and chances are that most dudes will go down like they were hit with a tranquilizer dart.
Deal with it.
So please, ladies, stop treating it like a personality flaw. And don't let him have sex with you if he's also flying a helicopter at the time.
"it turns out that chicks really do dig brains over brawn." Yay?....I mean, YAY!
ReplyI'm a chick and I fall asleep right after sex... is that supposed to be a bad thing...?
ReplyWomen like men who can dance the same way men like women who can dance: it shows stamina, vitality and rhythm. Things good for sex.
ReplyI do have a hot cousin, but we're both women, so that's cool, right?
ReplyOK, the problem with this article is that is "proves" things via science by citing study results...but the conclusions are not explained or even ventured as guesses, for the most part. Such as, women prefer jocks. Why? Because they, on an evolutionary level, want a big, strong, dominant male to father their children, and such children, being strong like Dad, will more likely survive infancy (since our ancestors lived in much more dangerous times, and infant mortality rates were worse than 50% at times, it is posited). Also, why do beer goggles exist? Because alcohol lowers inhibition, negating much of societal proprieties, liberating the horny beast within. Why do women talk more than men? Because men, as solitary primitive hunters, did not need to talk to communicate, and in fact shouldn't speak aloud, so as not to spook their quarry with the noise...whereas women in a hunter-gather society like our ancestors existed in needed to be able to communicate with each other: where's the best fruit found, what symptoms does your sick child have, etc. Simple. Why introduce and prove the "myth" without offering reasons "why"? This piece left me hanging, when it had so much potential.
ReplyAre you trolling? You're trolling, aren't you?
I second Beverly. As a medical student, I saw a pediatric patient with some kind of rare genetic condition (its been 12 years and I forget exactly what) whose parents were married cousins. They came from a middle-eastern culture which favored marriage within the extended family (I think because if you married outside the family, you were supposed to pay significant money for some reason), and this condition was seen almost entirely within this population. Anyway, although its true that most of the kids born to cousins are just fine, the risk of them not being just fine is increased.
ReplyThere are many genetic conditions that result from societal/cultural encouragement of consanguinity. Ironically, what is usually intended to preserve the purity of a bloodline or social/tribal group ends up causing its end in the form of closed-off genetic pathways and increased health problems related to a propensity toward recessive, negative genetic traits.
Consanguinity (breeding with blood relatives) significantly increases the likelihood of being born with a genetic condition. Source: shitloads of bonafide scientific research.
ReplyI usually like this stuff and wouldn't comment negatively, but I felt it was important for Cracked readers in the USA to know the truth. Your propensity for breeding with your relations is legendary and must not be condoned.
Um...fuck off? Remember that the great dynasties of China, Egypt, Babylon, and Europe were well-known for their incestuous marriages in efforts to keep their bloodline "clean." Being from the US, I immediately bridle at your trolling, because I know it's pure crap. The US is a huge country with a huge population, and the majority of them don't get involved with their relations. However, small countries like the UK (are you British, hmmm?) are full of too-close-genetically inbreeding due to geographic and societal necessity. Douche.
ahhh, now we have the product of the American education system spouting bullshit, i would like to piont out that America came from a small gene pool, as the nationas of Europe sent the nutcases we didnt want around anymore over there, and the UK haveing a small gene pool? THERES 62 MILLION OF US!!!!!!! There is a reason the royal bloodlines are all but extinct (ours is one of the few left) and its that inbreeding that caused it, look at some history books about European monarchy, a fair few of them were MASSIVELY fucked up, by WW1 for example, the bloodlines where so close the Royals of Russia, the UK and Germany were all blood relatives, and Kaiser Willhelm II was deformed and mad.
now that basic rant is over its time to disprive you last 2 points about social and geogrpahical necessity, it was only a social necessity in the upper class due to them not wishing to mix with the commners, who they saw as lower than them, and ever since the land bride to France dissapeared at the end of the last ice age there has been a large enough popultion to keep inbreeding out of the genreal system (or atleast untill the next invasion, first Rome, then the Anglo-Saxons, then the Normans)
Author clearly has no idea of what a myth is
ReplyThe girl in the second picture under Jocks get all the Girls is in no way attractive. If you were desperate, sure. Otherwise, no.
ReplyActually, I thought she was cute
I made an account for the sole purpose of saying the following:
ReplyThe Arrested Development picture made me happy.
Newsflash: Many women don't mind if you fall asleep after sex, as long as you at least TRY to get us off too. We aren't all trying to get you to talk to us about your innermost feelings, sometimes it's just that you came and passed out while we were just getting warmed up, and we haven't had a chance to get off. It's frustrating, when you realize that a man's body makes it easy for him to become aroused and have an orgasm quickly and during penetration-only sex, and then he gets really tired and falls asleep, but he doesn't understand that a woman's body sometimes makes it complicated to produce and maintain arousal and concentration and eventually reach an orgasm through some combinations of stimulation. It's not sleeping immediately after sex that's a personality flaw, it's that you know that you're uncontrollably going to do that every time, and still don't take the time try to make sure the girl gets to have an orgasm before you blow your load and pass out on top of her. Selfishness in bed, IS a personality flaw. Passing out is not.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesNewsflash : Discussing the subject after the guy jizzed won't work. You have to give direction during sex. You still raised a valid point.
One thing I learned quickly during a long marriage with good sex is this. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay! I don't get guys who talk this down. It's like the girl saying her whole body is there for the taking not just the 'goods', what's wrong with that! Sure a good quicky is fine at times, can't count how many times my wife was ready as soon as I got home for a lunchtime 'nooner'. But at night, do it right and slow down. Enjoy yourselves and take the scenic route, you won't be disappointed.
Jhenry69 i can't like your comment enough
The last one is true, I fell for a guy like that.
ReplyI dunno, I don't really like fast, expensive cars.. Think it makes the guys look cocky. Not very often do I see a dick driving a beaten-up little car. Definitely humbling.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesSomeone getting a pricy, fancy car screams one thing to me : ''My car is there to make you forget how small my penis is.''
I just see it as "I think I'm really cool. You do too, right?" Freaks me right out.
1000% agree. I see a guy driving a muscle car, revving the engine, trying to look all cool, and it's a turn-off. I think the study results were related to the female body's reactions to vibrations from a motor or something...think about washing machines and "personal massagers." Vroom vroom. :D
The title is somewhat misleading. Only 2 of the myths were actually myths disproved by science. The others were stereotypes and cultural assumptions that science actually proved. The first and last pages essentially belonged in different articles. Also, it'd be nice if you included the explanations that may or may not have come with these scientific studies, not just the raw conclusions.
ReplyExcuse me Mr. SnoodDood, the title of this article is not Myths Disproved by Science, it's actually Myths as EXPLAINED by Science. Also, stereotypes and cultural assumptions are often considered myths.
i agree with the second half of SnoodDoods statement though, #3 especially didn't explain anything. why do the ladies like men good at dancing? science watched... and they DO like men who are good at dancing.
i think the whole issue in the first cousin section of the article is mostly just a case of being able to prove any case with statistics.
Reply Hide All See All 3 Repliesif it is indeed true that (as the australian newspaper originally posting the experiment says)birth defects went from 2% in random people to about 4% in first cousins that means that is twice as likely to happen. if the people saying it is three times as likely also measured a 2% chance in random people they would only need a 6% chance in first cousins. none of those are very high amounts.
you could also say that there where 98% healthy people in normal conditions as opposed to 96% or 94% in first cousins. or 200%-300% of the amount of birth defects.
all those things are true, but they give a whole different point of view.
basically what im saying is that statistics are lies.
If you want to ban fist-degree cousins from breeding, why not ban older-couples too? Where do they draw the line for their eugenist policies?
I think some states here in the U.S. do ban it. Besides, there is one thing we are neglecting to look into here: /repeated/ incest. When you have grandparents who are cousins, and parents who are cousins, and you marry your cousin...well, I don't know. European royalty and hemophilia, ya know?
Totally agree - there is plenty of evidence that proves consanguineous breeding increases birth defects. Must find this evidence and repost with it!
I see everyone down there raging about #1...personally, every guy I dated in high school I met at an arcade. And I even set up a couple non-nerd friends with my pasty, intellectual LOTR and Final Fantasy loving guy friends. Women usually have to learn it for themselves, but give them enough time and they'll figure out that geek guys will treat them better than jock guys any day. One of my best girl friends in high school dated the quarterback of the football team for about 2 years. After high school, she dumped him for my friend who was the guitarist of a metal band that covered video game music. It was a good move.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesAnd for falling asleep after sex, I'm asleep well before my boyfriend even comes back in the room from his post-coitus piss. Sex is tiring! Bitches should learn to understand that.
Is this band Powerglove?
The problem with #1 is the single study that the claim is basing on.
1) 200 women is a very small sample
2) Those 200 women were all of the same age
3) The questions they were asked have next to nothing to do with their choice of men. Sriously, watching a video of a dude and subsequently guessing his ability to catch a frisbee ... instead they should have asked those women to decribe their current boyfriends and their latest ONSs.
Yes, women actually prefer the brainy nd nerdy guys ... at least quite a lot of them. but only when they get older and really want to settle down, having kids and stuff. Before that they want to have fun and prefer the jocks and douches. The brainy ones have to do the hard work later.
To be fair, I don't think we can put all the blame on the young ladies... A large number of young male geeks are pretty insufferable. They need some time to mellow out.
The whole IQ thing makes a lot of sense, a dumb, hot guy may be good for a one nights stand but, in the long term, having to hang around with an idiot all the time would get really annoying.
Replychildren of first cousins have a something like a 6.125% increase in chance of having genetic defects, the level of chance is directly proportional to the closeness of the relation in incestuous relationships
Replythe first cousin thing is actually tennese, so west virginia you're good
ReplyYeah, the conventional wisdom is that we in West Virginia prefer the four-legged lovin. But feel free to rock the beer goggles at your next family reunion, ya'll!
There are women out there who adore nerds; some of them are even totally hot (though maybe not as socially skilled as the average cheerleader). My husband is not my type physically, is a total /b/tard, and still managed to snag me with both his intellect and knowledge of every meme on the internet. Really! Poor male Cracked readers. :( Keep searching. The cute nerd girls are out there! (And don't down-vote me for believing I am cute and/or marrying a 4chan follower. Thanks.)
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesI down voted you because you said not to. Nothing personal.
We're down-voting FOR marrying a 4-Chan user.
You're not cute and your husband is a twit. Who the hell finds knowing memes attractive? Memes are stupid and /b/ is like the gates to hell
whats 4chan?