There are excusable reasons to miss your fantasy draft. Guys have kids, get married, their wives find out about their kids and leave them. But there's always that one guy who can't be bothered to be at a computer for three hours out of the year, every year. Yahoo! or ESPN will make all of his selections for him, and he'll spend the rest of the season bitching about how he was "totally going to take (insert whatever player kicked his ass the previous Sunday)." His list of "guys I was totally going to take" contains at least 15 players who were gone by the fifth round.
Stats Guy likes to tell you that "the late rounds are where you can really get a lot of value if you know what to look for." He was thinking about taking the same quarterback as you "until I realized that he has a sub-.500 completion percentage against the Cover 3." Usually, his apparent belief that Chris Mortensen and Ron Jaworski don't have shit on him stems from the fact that he's read the 2009-2010 pro football prospectus from cover to cover. The amount of fun you'll have in your draft will be inversely proportional to how many guys have shelled out the $12 for this statistical tome. If there are multiple Stat Guys, they will spend the first 15 minutes of the draft locked in an ideological battle over the Law of 370 as it pertains to Adrian Peterson and Michael Turner before moving on to countless other statistical debates that it would be literally impossible for anyone else in the league to give less of a shit about. The good news is, the only statistical probability that seems to come true year after year is that the Stats Guy never ever wins.
With additional reporting from Sean Mcgrane.
Check out more people that will no doubt make your life that much harder, in 8 Customers Everyone Hates and 7 Obnoxious Assholes Who Show Up At Every Concert.
And visit our Twitter to get previews of upcoming articles and trick your friends into thinking you're psychic.