8 Customers Everyone Hates
Let's face it: most of the people reading this have had jobs in the service industry. Waiter, barista, the shoe guy at the bowling alley. Everybody does it at one point in their lives. A low point.
After all, no matter how much you love people, dealing with customers still pretty much sucks. Here are the ones that all of us in the customer service brigade have learned to hate:
#8.
The Stoner
Distinguishing Characteristics:
Tomato Eyes, Jamaican flags.
Now don't get us wrong; there's nothing wrong with the occasional trip to Stoneyville. If you can keep the fact that you're high as a kite discreet, more power to you. However, once your being stoned out of your gourd interferes with other people's jobs, you've crossed the line. Especially when it handicaps you from making the crucial decision of what you want on your nachos.
"What happens now?"
Enter the Stoner, the guy who has no shame at all for being ripped off his ass. This dude is weaving in and out of reality, absolutely baffled as to how he got into Taco Bell. Now, we understand your situation : You're the hungriest you've ever been in your life, but you're also, in your condition, borderline useless. Unless you've planned ahead (you didn't) you'll have to make a monetary transaction involving you and another human being.
But it's not like the extraordinarily complicated system of menu-order-wallet-money changes once you've decided to puff the magic dragon. This is something you've been doing on a daily basis for a good part of your life.
"I'd like eleven hundred tacos. And then eight tacos. Please."
Come on guys, either wait until after you've got your food to smoke, or get a grip for the 30 seconds it takes to order a churro.
Suitable Punishment in Hell:
Being constantly stoned out of their minds. While this may not seem like much of a punishment, they will then be made to solve riddles, with each wrong answer resulting in a swift kick to the nuts.
#7.
The Soapbox (a.k.a Captain Linger)
Distinguishing Characteristics:
Having no company, reeking of desperation.
Some people have no friends, no one they can chitchat with about the stupid things that they can both relate to. To remedy this problem, some of these people go out and actually make friends. Others simply go to their local coffee shop to talk to strangers working behind a counter, people who don't know/care who you are and are literally forced to listen to you in order to earn a paycheck.
"I'd like to tell you about all my feelings."
Taking full advantage of their captive audience, the Soapbox will proceed to bore you to tears about uninteresting details from their day, their iguana's ailing health and their arsenal of closed-minded opinions and politically incorrect jokes that you have to chuckle at because your boss is standing right next to you.
They will then linger for the next twenty to thirty minutes, talking to you while you're helping other people, trying to hide your waning interest in whatever the hell they were talking about. Sorry dude, but there's a difference between making small talk and forcing someone to listen to your nonsense. Lingerers, as a rule, have not yet discovered the Internet and blogging.
This will absolutely change your life.
Suitable Punishment in Hell:
Chihuahuas grafted to each shoulder, constantly barking in their ears, with no possible escape.
#6.
The Anchor
Distinguishing Characteristics:
Dust forming on shoulders.
Ah yes, the sweet victory of coming to the end of a long line. It took forever to finally get there, so what do you do now? Do you make sure that you finish whatever it is you've been standing in line for quickly and efficiently, out of consideration for those that are in your former predicament?
Fuck no! You lay anchor! That means your job is to waste your time and everyone else's, savoring the moment by asking pointless questions, making brilliant insights ("I'll tell ya, I was just standing in line") and commenting on how the place is run ("What you've got is an inefficient floor plan"). The Anchor is also the master of not taking no for an answer. They refuse to believe that the person helping them isn't just arbitrarily withholding the answer they're looking for.
"I know it's not on the menu, but can I have a functioning motorcycle?"
The logic is that if they ask a question that cannot be answered enough times, the answer will magically conjure in the clerk's mind, or that the out of stock product will magically appear.
"Do you still have the eggnog milkshakes?"
"No, that's just for the holidays. It's June."
"Really? Are you sure?"
"Quite sure."
"Because I could really go for an eggnog milkshake right now."
"It's just I'm craving eggnog, so...you know. Are you sure?"
The Anchor is most commonly found at information kiosks and anywhere you can ask a virtually endless amount of questions, multiple times. Think the old Jewish lady from Harvey Pekar's American Splendor, or any middle-aged businessman who's taken one too many leadership seminars.
Suitable Punishment in Hell:
Being reincarnated as an actual anchor.
#5.
The Micromanager
Distinguishing Characteristics:
Neurotic behaviors, darting eyes.
You will encounter this customer if you work any place where your work area is visible to the public (i.e. a coffee shop, bar, deli, Subway). This sort of environment is supposed to reassure the customer of the care that is going into their product, and is not meant to be an open invitation to critique sandwich making abilities.
The Micromanager has zero faith in your sandwich-mastery and isn't the least bit shy about expressing this verbally. It doesn't matter that this is your job and that after working here for the last couple years you kind of got the hang of how to spread mustard. The Micromanger is with you every step of the way; telling you how many pickles make the best sandwich and why its way better to cut it diagonally.
If you're going to be involved with every single factor of making something, why not just make it yourself? In fact, if the managers were all that smart, they'd hire this guy as the human equivalent of a training video.
"When you cut the tomatoes, whisper to them."
Suitable Punishment in Hell:
Spending the rest of eternity in a cell with their in-laws, where their every action will be criticized.
A personal favorite of mine is the family that rolls into a sit down restaurant 5 minutes before closing. Then finds it terribly clever to make jokes along the line of keeping you there late. Guess what asswipe, you are keeping me here because you walked in right before we closed and ordered 3 courses. It's not funny to point that out to me.
ReplyOh the Cellphone Shitheads. . .I just work in retail and all I say when they come in is "I'll get to you when you're done." *gestures talking on the phone* They hang up pretty quick after that.
ReplyI think my favourite is the Phone Shopper; they called not just because they want to know if an item is in stock before they drive out, but because they want you to describe, in total detail, every tv you carry, their sizes, stats, and general prices. Add on to that the ones that also refuse to believe anything you tell them because it's not the answer they expected and you have an amazing waste of time. I'll never forget this conversation:
ReplyCustomer; 'Do you have Mario Kart in stock?'
Me; 'Yup'
Customer; 'Did you check?'
Me; 'I can see it from here we haaaavvveee.... seven. There are seven in stock.'
Customer; 'No! I want you to check!'
Me; 'Okay...' I put the phone on hold, stay behind the desk and count to five, 'Yup, we actually do in fact totally have seven in stock just like I had said...'
Customer; 'Well I think it's weird that you don't know your own product'
Me; 'Uh-huh, well it's in stock, have a nice day...' Hang up the phone.
I worked in a pharmacy and they have a special type of a*****e that bitches about how much they are paying for their one medication. Not because it's something expensive, but because it's $5.
ReplyCust.:Last time it was $3!!
Me:*checks computer* Nope, it was $5 last time also.
I literally had a lady yell at me for charging her $1 when it was usually free.
What makes this worse is the people (often within earshot of the bitchy cust.) who are buying chemo meds for someone who is too sick to pick it up themselves, pay $500 and don't complain once.
These guys don't just show up at restaurants. I'm a dog groomer, and when I worked at Petsmart we got the Cellphone s******d all the time. In my salon we just started telling them to let us know when they were done and walked back towards the grooming table. Usually they'd hang up then, but not always. Now that I'm self-employed I get a few Capt Lingers, usually women, usually when I'm cleaning up so I just keep working. I get a few Ticking Time Bombs. Got'em at Petsmart, too, but now I tell them to find another groomer. Losing them doesn't hurt my business at all; apparently they are friendless a$$holes everywhere to everyone. And I get Micromanagers, too. I just smile and say, "I'm getting to that...Now I need you to wait in the lobby--" Unlike Subway sandwiches, dogs tend to wiggle in front of their owners, so they back off so I can finish.
ReplyTicking. Time. Bomb. I used to work at a grocery store, and this elderly man came up to the register with a few things, including a bag of sugar. He passed me a coupon for the sugar, but it was for the cheaper brand, and the sugar he had on the belt was a more expensive brand. I told him I unfortunately couldn't redeem his coupon for that brand, but I could have my courtesy clerk go back to the aisle and fetch the sugar described on the coupon so he could use it. He lost it. He couldn't understand why I couldn't just give him 50 cents off his expensive brand, with the cheap brand coupon, when even if I had wanted to the coupons are scanned through the computer and will not the deduct the 50 cents off the total without the corresponding brand. He became so irate that I asked him to wait a moment while I phoned for a manager to help him further, and as I phoned for the manager over the loud speakers, the man finally yelled, "KEEP THE DAMN SUGAR!" and threw the sugar at me and stormed out without anything...It was definitely one of the worst customers I had to deal with.
ReplyTry working customer support for Sharp electronics... *shudder*
ReplyI'm an occasional TTT, but only if I get stuck behind one of the others listed (excluding stoners). And stoners aren't at all bad-they want to get their stuff and get the Hell back home.
Replyanother type of customer at Jimmay John's were the people who kept asking if we had coffee, pizza, etc. "If it's not on the F*CKING menu we don't F*CKING have it!"
ReplyBlame the chains that do have secret items. I think it's most of them.
well don't guess and hope you hit a "secret item", google it first or take your ass somewhere else
when i worked at Jimmy Johns this guy would come in 3 times a week, just to spend an hour sitting in a booth, and chatting me up/ flirting, even though i was almost always busy. He'd come in wearing sweaty, stinky workout gear (which is ironic because he had to be at least 150-200 pounds overweight. Now I'm not anorexic and I understand that not everyone can be thin but it IS easy to be healthy) and when he finally asked me out the only lie I could think of was "sorry but you look just like my brother and I don't think I could date someone who looks like they're related to me," and yeah, he looks like my kid brother, except he was 4xs my brother's size.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesJust say you have a boyfriend. Sounds fairly easy to me.
These guys never believe you when you say you have a boyfriend, they know that's the first lie we come out with because they've forced many women to do it in the past. With the real creeps, you gotta get creative. I've even tried swearing I'm a lesbian, didn't work. Claiming to be a hermaphrodite is my next move. Nice work Ranch, I'm gonna try that one :-p
Or just say "no" when he asks you out. As long as you aren't rude a simple no should get the point across.
I work at a Subway and I can tell you that the micromanagers are VERY real there. Once a guy screamed at me in front of the whole store because he thought I was putting mayo on his sandwich when he asked for honey mustard. The two condiments happen to look pretty much the same from the other side of the counter. He stood there getting more and more angry saying "I said no mayo. No!! STOP IT!!" After I informed him that I wasn't retarded and knew that he had asked for honey mustard, which was what I was using, he didn't even apologize. Shithead.
ReplySubway MY WAY MOTHERFUCKER!
Food Court places suck to work at, too, especially around the holidays. Angry Xmas shoppers combined with hunger makes for a hell I wouldn't wish on my enemies.
Man, if I didn't start every barista conversation with a blast of spoiler-warning sonar, I would so be a Lingerer. I am sad.
ReplySome examples: People who bring one recyclable bag to a grocery store and then buy $300 worth of groceries, resulting in them telling you how they didn't realize they were going to buy so much
ReplyThe person with a thick accent that gets on your ass for not double-bagging the paper bags and then putting those INTO a plastic bag that's half the size of the paper bag.
people who say they want their groceries bagged lightly (which means if there's more than two yogurts in one bag, it's too heavy.)
When I was fifteen and working at a supermarket there was a lady who was practically an urban legend, she had some kind of seriously fucked up spine and couldn't lift a bag if it had more than two Totino's pizzas in it. I got her once, she turned out to be real. What I don't know is how she got milk into her house once she got home.
wow that's sad. I always bring in too MANY bags just to be sure I have enough. I don't mind heavy bags but why does every bag person put the canned goods on top of the bread and the milk in a bag by itself, regardless of how many cold items I have?
#5 = SO TRUE. I've actually been working at Subway for a little less than two weeks (First job ever too) and I've gotten loads of those guys. There is a goddamn formula to the sandwiches, you bastards! If you want olives, I'm suppose to put six f*****g olives on that sandwich, and if you want more, I'm supposed to put SIX f*****g more olives. Just because you asked for more doesn't mean I'm going to instinctively slap a fistful of olives on it!
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesEh, it depends. I knew most of the people who work at my local Subway and in addition to giving me free food, they never skimped on the condiments. A request for olives meant I got 20 or 30 olives.
Six olives is barely any. I'd be annoyed if I only got six olives on my sandwich.
yeah i'm kind of #5 when i hit subway, but i've never had any real issue with it because i've never gone into a subwayy and had someone put six individual anything on my sandwich. i ask for olives, i get a good quarter-handful or so. the only thing i'm completely mental about is the order in which everything goes, and i apologize like hell and ask nicely- but i just can't stand the spinach being under the pickles, or the meat on top of the cheese, or the jalepenos under the cheese... idfk, it tastes wrong, ok?? don't judge me!
Having worked in an in-store eatery, I've met all of these many times over and I despise every single one. My list wouldn't be complete, however, without:
ReplyThe loiterer. Working the close of business, there would always be the same sad, lonely club of old people who we'd literally need to call security to eject from the premises at the stroke of closing time every evening. Not that they were that innocent, no. We'd be busting our balls trying to get everything in order and clean and they'd interrupt us every five minutes to buy or ask or whine for something; a pot of tea, a stale bread roll, some butter for their stale bread roll, a napkin, an ear to bend about the fact that we didn't put out freshly baked frigging rolls half hour before we closed up. God I loved it when management decided to test the fire alarms at that time of day!
The serial complainer. I've absolutely no issue with someone who brings up a reasonable complaint in a polite, yet assertive manner. It gives me the opportunity to admit any wrongdoing on my part, sincerely apologise and whip up an awesome beverage on the house. Smiles and hugs all round. What I'm talking about here are those asswipes who find anything they possibly can to complain about because they know that every time they crawl off to customer services with a stupid complaint about something entirely out of my hands -- like a sellout of a particular item, or the fact that we just threw all the food away because we're f*****g closing -- they'll get a £5 voucher and I'll get a bollocking.
The one who flirts with adventure, taking ten minutes to decide what to order, then asks for the same god-damned f*****g cottage pie she orders every f*****g day. Self-explanatory.
Catering + Busy Retail Establishment = Never Again!
The Contrast-Compare Critic:
ReplyThe type of guy who constantly rants on about how the "Other store" noone gives a single f**k about has "______" for half that price! Everything related to the established business they're currently shopping, browsing, or eating at is compared and contrasted versus what is apparently the golden mean of gas stations, not limited to, but including Service, You, Food, Price, Lines, More Prices, Other customers, Location, and finally, everything else. These people constantly have been elsewhere and had better than anything you can possibly come up with to satisfy them, and for some reason, they still find the need to come to your store and buy from you, every day.
Thankfully, being a 3rd Shift clerk at a Gas Station, I have been blessed with the wonderful ability to really not give a f**k by my manager. Life is good.
I've worked retail, restaurant, and customer service phone lines. I can tell you, I've had them all, and NOTHING is worse than the ticking time bomb (I just call them condescending assholes) and the moron. Examples:
Reply"Yea um, I'm trying to order this item online, and it says out of stock. What does that mean?"
"I want you to ship this item to a store (thats not our own retail store) so I can use my coupon"
And of course there is the cust who calls to complain about products. I can assure that I can pass the info along to design, but there is nothing me the lowly CSR or retail employee can do. I've been cursed at, told they will never buy from us again, demang a manager who will say the same thing, or expect that I can pull an item we dont make out of my ass and send it to them for free.
Word of advice to anyone who hasn't worked in retail, customer service or restaurant: be an a*****e and we want to do the opposite of help you. Remember that we are human beings as well and being polite will go a long way.
And then there are the customers who complain that the fresh fruit display (which you just stocked minutes ago) is all moldy - just so they get "fresher" stuff from the back room. Just to please the customer, we have to go to the back FIRST and get the freshest stuff we have, THEN check the display - only to find the raspberries or whatever aren't the color she wanted. And of course, there are no moldy berries on the whole display.
ReplyOr the people who want a case of stuff but don't tell you they want a case, so when you see they are getting a case's worth, you offer them a cardboard box/case to carry it in, and they yell at you for not being helpful - "I just took them all out of the box, and now I have to put them back in!" and muttering things like 'worthless' and 'stupid' under her breath. Don't even offer to put them in a box for her because you, an employee, might STEAL her raspberries right in front of her and all the security cameras. Because, you know, I want to lose my job over 2-for-$4 raspberries! I don't even like raspberries!!
I really don't hate raspberries, just the idiot who was my age, rude, and had poorly drawn eyebrows. omfg
If you work in any kind of artistic industry, such as graphic design, the customer who wants it done for free. They never have the money to pay you, but it's "great exposure." Last I checked, I can't buy food with or eat "exposure," especially since I don't even get to put my name on the damn piece when I'm done.
ReplyThere is nothing worse than working on customer service, and you tell a customer you can't refund/exchange or whatever and they ask to see the manager. And then the manager let's them do it! Total kick in the nads when all you're doing is following the rules, and you look like a dumb s**t to the customer.
ReplyYeah I had a couple of guys in the pub I was working in who were ordering drink after drink, just about every possible different drink you could buy in a bar. When they eventually asked for their bill (they had a tab running for about 4 hours) they started accusing me of adding drinks to it to steal later on. Manager comes over and talks to them for 5 minutes, and then pays their bill for them, which was basically him agreeing with them and making me look like a thief.
worst feeling ever. i just call a manager every time they look like they're going to have a hissy fit. saves me from feeling like an idiot. cos in the end you know you're manager will give it to them.