Whether it's Frank Drebin stabbing a fish with a priceless pen or Inspector Clouseau versus a Steinway piano, no slapstick comedy is complete without the hero inadvertently devaluing some priceless relic through charming buffoonery. But if you thought such over-the-top destruction could only exist in a Mr. Bean movie, you were wrong -- sometimes life imitates art, and sometimes that art involves some clumsy dildo juggling vases.
#4. Museum Guard Sits in Napoleon's Chair, Promptly Breaks It
Being a security guard in a museum isn't as exciting as Ben Stiller would have us believe -- standing for eight hours straight in an adult-size Boy Scout uniform can get pretty tedious, especially when you have a comfy-looking chair right there. That was the situation for a French guard who recently gave in to leg cramps and decided to rest his haunches on a nearby folding chair ... which happened to be the 200-year-old fart muffler for none other than Napoleon himself. Unfortunately, the guard couldn't rest for long, because he totally broke the chair by completely snapping the leather in two.
"My my, I tried to hold your butt, but you were stronger
Oh yeah, and now it seems my only chance is giving up the fight"
Now, we're not experts on the dos and don'ts of guard etiquette, but we're pretty sure there's something in the handbook about not breaking priceless exhibits with your butt. And hey, while we're on the subject ...
#3. Woman Stains Centuries-Old Statue's Ass by Kissing It
A woman visiting an art gallery in Australia couldn't restrain herself around the firm marble buttocks of a Greek-style sculpture and decided to molest them -- but we've all been there, right? However, rather than just grabbing the stone cheeks with her hands like a decent museum patron, the woman went ahead and laid a big wet kiss on 'em. As a result, a recent report on art museum vandalism included this picture:
The woman is also among the five people who write Prometheus sex-fic.
That 19th century butt of the mythological hunter Narcissus was carved by John Gibson sometime in the 1800s, bought by the Art Gallery of NSW in Australia, and then stained by the lips of some museum guest who, when faced with the majesty of human artistic accomplishment older than the country she was in, decided to celebrate its beauty with an ass-hickey. (Authorities are presumably questioning her husband for motorboating the Venus de Milo.)