Working at a school has to be one of the most sanity-shattering jobs out there. Just sitting near one loud teenager on the city bus for 10 minutes is excruciating, so imagine what it must be like to have to be around 300 every day. But while most teachers deal with it by hitting up the lounge to celebrate Margarita Mondays and Let's Just Drink That Entire Bottle of Vodka Thursdays, others prefer to work out their frustration in creatively career-threatening ways, like ...
#5. Tutor Fired for Having a Student Write an Essay on "How to Kill a Teacher"
A surefire technique for getting kids excited about English class is to let them write an essay about a topic they love. If you're a "cool" teacher, you might even suggest some totally edgy subject, like "Why Homework Blows" or "My 18-Hour Call of Duty Erection." That was presumably the basic idea a tutor in Austintown, Ohio, had when he told his student to write an essay entitled "5 Ways to Kill a Teacher."
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"Actually, a bear trap to the balls is survivable. Ten points off."
Apparently, 2014 was the year when the inevitable finally happened: companies ran out of slogans. Or they ran out of passable, "doesn't make you want to murder whoever wrote it" slogans, anyway. If Don Draper hadn't been murdered by a roller-skating disco prostitute in 1979 (final season of Mad Men spoilers!) he'd be shaking his head at ...
#5. Van Rental Company Goes for the Racist Pervert Market
If you're driving through Australia, you already expect to see a lot of terrible things. Killer spiders, killer kangaroos, killer koalas -- all par for the course. One of the few things you wouldn't expect to assault you in Australia is a series of giant, racist penis, but here we are:
Seeing as how that kid was faking his vacation to Heaven, it looks like "Hey, let's stop reporting made-up stuff as news" clearly wasn't among the media's resolutions this year. That's OK, though, because just like in 2014 we'll be here standing between you and the bullshit of the world like some kind of incredulous Batman (but, you know, real). It's time to continue our forever-part series calling out the various twaddle the media wants you to sop, starting with the fact that ...
#6. The "1 in 3 College Men Said They'd Rape" Study Was Based on a Survey of 73 People
You probably saw this highly clickable headline just above a heated, 237-comment debate between your friend from high school and a distant uncle on Facebook:
By comment 150, it devolved into a series of female pop-star eye-roll GIFs.
Corporate social media blunders are the gifts that keep on giving. When inexperienced interns, technologically inept employees, thoughtless social media managers, or people who just flat-out don't give a shit about their jobs are put in charge of the company Twitter account with thousands of followers, excruciating magic is inevitable.
#6. Government Contractor Tweets Drunken Texts
Look, sometimes you have to have a few drinks after a hard week on the job. Cracked and Cracked's walk-in beer fridge understand that more than most. But if you work for, say, Booz Allen Hamilton, a management firm that consults for America's security and defense contractors, you might want to be a little careful with how you go about it. If for no other reason than to prevent endless "Booz Allen? More like BOOZE Allen! LOL!" comments.
The next seven texts are just "CHUG!"