Quick Fixes

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February 27, 2015

4 Reasons Frank Underwood (from House of Cards) Is an Idiot

By Jim Avery | 188,101 Views

House of Cards returned to Netflix today, and so did Kevin Spacey as the terrifying but enrapturing politician Francis Underwood, who might as well be a supervillain at this point. No, his superpower isn't manipulating people or being aware he's a fictional character -- it's possessing so much charisma that the audience doesn't realize he's actually terrible at being a corrupt politician.

Warning: This article contains numerous House of Cards spoilers. If you don't want the first two seasons of the show ruined, click away now.

#4. He's Terrible at Using People (and Thinks With His Penis)

A major component of the first season of House of Cards is Underwood's illicit relationship with reporter Zoe Barnes. He feeds her sensitive information to leak so she can advance her career, and in turn each story she publishes embarrasses his political opponents. Then he also starts having sex with her, because that's the rule of politics.

Netflix
Or the only rule anyone cares about, at least.

Article

February 25, 2015

5 Products Designed to Control You When You're Drunk as Hell

By M. Asher Cantrell | 257,506 Views

If one of your 2015 New Year's resolutions was to not be such a sloppy drunk next New Year's Eve, we've got great news for you: You'll probably get just as wasted as ever, but the wide world of technology will help you hide it more efficiently! Simply add the following to your boozing arsenal and soon you'll be the MacGyver of getting totally blasted. (We almost went with "James Bond," but that was redundant.)

#5. Free Pee Finds You a Place to Pee (That Isn't the Side of a Building)

The first order of business for any significantly intoxicated person is to find a place to pee that doesn't involve uncovering your genitals in public. Places like alleys, bushes, and children's playgrounds are very convenient (and what Mother Nature intended) but also very illegal.

That's where Free Pee comes in: Despite sounding like the sketchiest Craigslist ad ever, this helpful app is designed to direct your ass (or penis, as the case may be) to actual, human bathrooms where you can lawfully micturate.

iQwerty
And most actually have walls around them, unlike this one.

Article

February 24, 2015

6 New Movies That Deserve Way More Attention

By David Christopher Bell | 321,185 Views

In our noble quest to showcase underreported weird-ass new movies, we've seen everything from a found-footage film by Orson Welles to a Finnish child saving President Samuel L. Jackson from terrorists. And once again, our endless Internet spelunking has yielded hot magic. Here are six more upcoming oddities whose plots will make Star Wars: The Force Awakens look like Star Wars: Son Who Unplugged the Fax Machine Were You Guys Roughhousing.

#6. Kung Fury: A Swedish Action Movie About Hitler, Vikings, Dinosaurs, and Time Travel

When Hitler learns the secret of martial arts, Norse gods rise up from their fimbul slumber. Such is the premise of Kung Fury, which follows a time-traveling karate cop that teams up with a female Viking and Thor to take on the Third Reich using 1990s technology, a sentence that now exists in our reality.

Laser Unicorns

Laser Unicorns

Laser Unicorns

Laser Unicorns
But sure, Hollywood, "gritty" is way better.

Article

February 23, 2015

5 Oscar Secrets That Will Make You Wish You Hadn't Watched

By David Christopher Bell | 471,858 Views

Last night's Academy Awards ceremony invited 35+ million viewers to watch in wonderment as a bunch of millionaires cracked self-aware jokes about how exclusive and aloof they are while doing nothing to amend their behavior, as well as verbally congratulating themselves for braving an abominable 50-degree downpour during a time when the rest of the country is being crushed beneath an arctic hellscape.

Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences
But hey, at least we got to see Clint Eastwood's "I have no idea who Kanye West is" face.