It's 2015! That means all sorts of fun new things will be happening. Music will not be one of those things. Well, that's not completely true. There will obviously be new music from a whole host of musicians in the next 12 months; it's just that a lot of it, in all likelihood, will be completely awful. We talk about some of those terrible albums on this week's Unpopular Opinion podcast ...
... where I'm joined by comic J. Vanessa Gritton and Cracked editor Tom Reimann. We kick things off by discussing an oft-delayed new record from everyone's favorite band in the world to relentlessly talk shit about.
5Limp Bizkit - Stampede of the Disco Elephants
Simone Joyner/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Keen observers will note that, when I wrote the 2014 version of this article, Stampede of the Disco Elephants was first on that list as well. That's because Fred Durst and friends have been threatening to unleash this on the world for quite some time now.
The first single, "Lights," initially hit Internet piracy shelves in 2012.
Oh, sorry, I guess the title is "Lightz," because of course it is. I trust you have no interest watching that video, especially if you watched it already a year ago. If you're curious as to what it sounds like, all you really need to know is that Fred Durst makes this face a lot ...
He's sad because he knows he's Fred Durst.
... while the rest of the band does their best to crank out a song that might earn some car commercial money someday.
Another single showed up in March 2013, and this time the band's new label mate, Lil Wayne, was along for the ride.
Have I mentioned that part yet? Limp Bizkit is now signed to Cash Money Records, home of Lil' Wayne, Nicki Minaj, Drake, and probably a whole slew of other people. How exciting is that?!?!? Right, no one cares. Lil Wayne doesn't even want to be on Cash Money Records anymore, and he might as well own that fucking place. Not sure what prompted that decision, but I imagine something about constantly having "I'm on the same record label as Limp Bizkit" kicking around as a thought in his head played at least some (huge) role.
4Papa Roach - F.E.A.R. (Face Everything and Rise)
Ethan Miller/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
OK, right off the bat, as my pal Vanessa pointed out on the podcast that I plugged in the intro that you didn't read, this is not how acronyms work. The word "and" should not be included, which means the grammatically proper way to shorten this album title would be F.E.R., which you might recognize as complete and total gibberish. Don't let that stop you from checking out this album, though. Instead, let the fact that Papa Roach has been a terrible fucking band since their inception do the work for you.
Oh, sorry, you probably like that "Last Resort" song, right?
I did too, except I liked it when it was an Iron Maiden song, and it didn't consist primarily of a grown man complaint-rapping about his station in life.
In the interest of full disclosure, I should add that I haven't actually listened to a Papa Roach album in its entirety in years, so maybe their outlook has changed a bit. Nothing about the motivational speaker-like title of this album implies anything other than "we're still sad and still nu-metal as fuck" to me, though.
For the record, they are and they are.
Those are both deal breakers for me, mostly thanks to the fact that it's not 1999 anymore. The '90s were a simpler time with way less war and slightly less poverty. We needed the music of that decade to provide the angst we weren't getting from everyday life. But that's a ship that sailed a long time ago now. I have my own problems, just like the rest of the world. Taking on those of a rich rock star is way less entertaining now.