Cracked Columnists
5 Ways the New Harry Potter Thing Will be Immediately Ruined
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- By Chris Bucholz
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0 5 Types of Scandals That Are Always Disappointing
When I say 'scandal,' I'm not just talking about personal screw-ups, but all the sensational news that we read only because it sounds like something out of a suspense novel or movie, and are prepared to criticize in the same way as we would criticize a poor fictional storyline.
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- By Christina H
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The Right Way To Teach Teens About Sex
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- By Soren Bowie
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The 7 Biggest Dick Moves in the History of Gaming (Update)
There are some spectacular douche bags out there who have put more work into screwing with strangers than should be humanly possible.
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- By Luke McKinney
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5 Reasons Life is Better After Age 30
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- By Gladstone
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The 6 Most Amazing Acts of Mid-Fight Mockery in MMA History
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- By Seanbaby
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4 Reasons Why Trying Parkour Can Ruin Your Self-Esteem
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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3 Things Gay People Are Going to Hate About Gay Marriage
We aren't trying to sway people's thinking one way or the other. But seriously, let's stop to think things through.
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- By Gladstone
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How to Become an Author, in 5 Incredibly Difficult Steps
There are a lot of questions and answers for new authors out there on the internet, but they always seem to dance around the subject in the name of preserving some sort of artistic mystique. As is the case with all nice things, I would like to ruin that tradition. I'll talk to you about the publishing process honestly and unflinchingly, even when i
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- By Robert Brockway
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The 7 Types of Friend Everyone Needs
Like a superhero team or a group of guys you're getting together for a heist, you need friends that have various skills that will benefit you the best.
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- By Christina H
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4 Cliché Movie Moments Explained by Psychology
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- By Soren Bowie
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To My Unborn Son: Stuff I Won't Have the Balls to Say
Five Reasons Bastards Always Win
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- By Brendan McGinley
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6 Family Circus Cartoons Improved with Offensive Jokes
A lot of people would save Abraham Lincoln if they had a time machine. Not me. I would let Lincoln die while I went back to the dawn of language and made sure
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- By Seanbaby
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The 4 Most Potentially Badass Fathers Who Never Had Kids
Pointing out the people who shouldn't have had kids (Hitler's Dad, his Mom, and so forth), is easy and boring. So, in honor of Father's Day, I've rounded up a bunch of awesome and badass historical figures who absolutely should have filled this planet with their offspring.
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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5 Awful Things Nobody Tells You About Moving
There are all sorts of traps, pitfalls, and dastardly sons of bitches lurking out there, just waiting to pounce on you in your vulnerable state of temporary Hobo-osity. And nobody warns you about them ... presumably because Big Moving has had all of their protesting tongues cut out and fed into the secret Misery Engines that really keep those truck
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- By Robert Brockway
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