Cracked Columnists
What The Hell Is Wrong With Twenty-Somethings?
What's our problem?
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- By Chris Bucholz
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0 Bad Acid and Weird Boobs: Why Burning Man Isn't Worth It
Burning Man is a weeklong event dedicated to self-expression, community reliance and sexual contact under the guise of spirituality. I know this because I went last year for the first and last time.
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- By Soren Bowie
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6 Insane Batman Comics Courtesy of Tasty Hostess Cupcakes
In the late 70s and early 80s, you couldn't get through a comic without seeing a one-page ad involving a highly improbable scenario where a well-known super hero had to save the world using nothing but the power of delicious Hostess snack cakes.
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- By Seanbaby
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10 Photos Capturing Moments of Spontaneous Badassery
It's easy to pose for a photograph to make you look awesome. It's a lot harder to come off as a total badass in the heat of the moment, with no warning, no setup, and no pretense. Hard, but not impossible:
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- By Robert Brockway
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10 Tips for Raising the Child You Really Shouldn't Have Had
Like most people who don't have any kids, I'm convinced that I could raise them better than most parents. With my intelligence, my strength, and my piercing gaze, I clearly have all the nurturing attributes necessary to bend any child to my will.
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- By Chris Bucholz
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The 5 Most Horrifying Crimes Committed by Senior Citizens
I do not like old people. My uneasiness is not born from hatred but from fear. I don\'t trust their giant ears and ankles, the way their faces melt into their droopy necks, the way their hands don\'t cast shadows like see-through fish.
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- By Soren Bowie
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Musket Sea Family: Every Song By The Decemberists Ever
This song is fake.
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- By Cody Johnston
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3 Reasons the Ground Zero Mosque Debate Makes No Sense
I don�t usually write about politics. It�s important, but something I want no part of � kind of like a raw sewage treatment facility. But frankly, I haven�t been this upset in a long time. And it's due to the logic-hating, herd-mentality rhetoric that some have been flinging in opposition to the so-called 'Ground Zero Mosque.'
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- By Gladstone
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Marriage, Anyone? It Took Me 5 Minutes to Become a Minister
As a recently married man, I support Proposition 8: I don’t want the sanctity of marriage sullied by queers, pedophiles, robosexuals and Californians. I simply will not stand by and watch the solemn, noble, sacred covenant of marriage be taken anything less than completely seriously. I take it so seriously, in fact, that I’ve recently undergone the
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- By Robert Brockway
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If Tobacco Ads Were REALLY Honest
Big Tobacco faces off against the Surgeon General in the ads of the latest issue of Tits for Men.
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- By Seanbaby
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10 Awesome Ways to Quit Your Job
Because sticking it to the man is apparently the flavor of last week, it's high time for us to leap for this bandwagon, miss it, then get dragged behind it screaming for a short distance. We've assembled a list of ways to quit for what our Web statistics tell us are the 10 most common occupations held by our readers.
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- By Chris Bucholz
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8 SyFy Original Movie Pitches That Are Totally Up For Grabs
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- By Cody Johnston
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5 Baffling Search Queries Answered by a Complete Lunatic
Like a cool uncle who buys you alcohol and insists that you call him \'just Frank,\' the Internet is a wealth of candid answers to secret and embarrassing questions you wouldn\'t dare ask anyone else.
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- By Soren Bowie
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Performing Stand-Up Comedy (With SCIENCE!)
Mark Twain once famously said 'Studying humor is like dissecting a frog -- you may know a lot, but end up with a dead frog.' With all due respects to Mr. Twain, wherever and whomever he may be, comedy is a difficult and tricky concept and we cannot expect just some guy like Mr. Twain to understand its delicate complexity. Comedy should be taught by
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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4 Real Survival Guides for Wildly Improbable Situations
One thing I know about danger is that it\'s mostly ghosts. That\'s why I was excited to find this book promising the secrets of mind combat against psychic monsters.
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- By Seanbaby
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