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From 1950 to 1968, there was a comic called The Adventures of Bob Hope. And for 109 issues, every single adventure started the same way: Bob Hope runs up to a strange woman and molests her. In the 50s, there was no pepper spray in the consumer market. Bob Hope was legally allowed to lick a woman more than 15 feet from her husband, and her response was only, "No time for rape, sir! I need to find a boat captain! Or a bull fighter! Or the world's greatest expensive cake carrier!" Then, of course, Bob Hope would claim to be those things to trick her into sex. I own many truly insane things and this comic series ranks among the insanest of them.

If this comic was released today it would be called Sexual Assault and Cake Dropping and a prison warden would be locking his facility down, demanding to know who made it. That's why I've rewritten The Adventures of Bob Hope for a modern audience.

Oh, and out of respect for the comedy legend, all of Bob Hope's original dialog will be unaltered.

How is Bob Hope going to get out of this mess, Hope-Believers!? Find out on Page 2!

Seanbaby always fills out the proper paperwork before grabbing your breasts. You can follow him on Twitter or face him on Facebook. His incredible website is Seanbaby.com.

For more inappropriate comics, check out The 6 Creepiest Comic Book Characters of All Time. And check out some more Seanbaby in What Role-Playing Games Are Really Like (When You're Drunk).

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