What Role-Playing Games Are Really Like (When You're Drunk)
If you played role-playing games as a child, then you know they never worked as advertised. You'd sit down for an epic adventure with your friends only to find out that one of them can't pay attention, one is too stupid to be allowed near math, and one is ashamed of everything you're doing. I decided that nerds get lied to enough by online "girl"friends and ads for Real, Working Submarines, so I've developed a system that promises and delivers an honest, realistic role-playing experience.
Dear God I still got this boxed set under my bed.. I'm calling my buddies and getting hammered right now.
ReplyS'funny, I seem to remember playing D&D drunk at 12, and it was pretty much this...
ReplyI've never played D&D (thank god) but I found this f*****g hilarious
ReplyUgh. I run a high school D&D campaign and have had to deal with a breakup, a kid getting his own TV show (yes in real life but it's on MTV), a stoner who is f*****g addicted to Primus and Mastodon, a 'cool guy' joining just for 1 day and playing better than anyone else and computer glitches creating 40th level characters and causing me to have to make up s**t as I go along. It's still not as bad as this sounds though lol
ReplyNow THESE are the kinds of stories I like reading.
ReplyI've always wanted a dick whiskey cut out token - thanks for creating that.
ReplyThat Nazi Shark pin-up will look great on the door to the women's restroom at Wal-mart. To the printer!
ReplyHave run many years-long Villains & Vigilantes campaigns over the last 25 years and appreciate the distilled accuracy of this article. My last batch of players would be so criminally drunk and stoned that they would play their characters like hermits staying at home with closed curtains and no TV. As though any possibility of being exposed to a plot element would spoil their buzz. I would eschew the hooch to stay frosty enough to GM and merely smoke till blind (As good 'ol dad always suggested. He incidentally was the 1st person to ever die of blindness). One player would stare into space or even read a book while waiting for "combat" to pay attention. An other would get soaked enough to start crying about his dad. Also, the "good" player would somehow stay alert while murdering my entire bag of weed. Finally the sober, non-comic fan would make enough cogent decisions to make up for his near-absent role playing skills and keep the whole mess rolling down-hill for another week.
ReplyI miss it. Thanks for the flashback.
Oh HOLY s**t that last part had me in tears. f**king amazing.
ReplyIntuituion: Spiderous
ReplyFor some reason I couldn't stop laughing.....
v
ReplyWhee!
ReplyHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH it was like an orgy of laughter!
Replyhonestly...i'm too drunk to understand this...
Replyme too,
It's funny cause it's true....
ReplyNOBODY GLUES THE PUNCHMASTER!
ReplyYe Gods, this is so true. I was always playing WFRP whilst smashed....not that anyone knew. Or did they....?
Replyso good. Love the article. Can't wait for some more punchmaster. Although there may be more cuz I haven't looked at any other seanbaby article recently.
Replymy parents were also of the same opinion that playing D&D would cause fatal satanist orgies. i feel i missed out on a drunken epic pre-teen-hood. now i'm sad. someone send me a throwing star for my grief!!
Reply Hide All See All 4 Replieslol sucks for you
I laughed at my mom for saying that two months ago. She smacked me. :/ Don't laugh at your mommy.
lol i played d & d as a kid, and once word got out in my small town, suddenly i was a satanistic ring-leader of depravities. unfortunately it never lead to orgies. one of my hick neighbors literally thought i caused tornado damage to his shingles.
must have been awesome to be feared like that.
Absolutely f**king awesome. Seanbaby, I have been a fan ever since i first ran across your website, years before you started with cracked. This rocks.
ReplyHowever, I am disappointed that there was no Popsicle Pete.
NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE!