5 Iconic Characters Who Got Insane Reboots in Foreign Comics

#2. Mega Man and His Nudist Robot Sister (Brazil)

Novas Aventuras de Megaman

Mega Man is a little cartoon robot who shoots lasers at other goofy robots to save the world from a mad scientist. How wrong can a Mega Man comic really go?

Novas Aventuras de Megaman

Novas Aventuras de Megaman
Allow us to answer that question with a metal anus coffin.

Looking at these pictures, you might think this comic is just the fan creation of sex-starved teenagers with a half-read "How to Draw Manga!" book with some pages stuck together. In reality, this is a real comic book fully licensed by Capcom, with all the pages stuck together.

In the mid-'90s, Capcom was king of video games; everyone wanted to milk their franchises, and like a slutty cow, Capcom allowed anyone to get to second base with their udders. This led to some results you might regret knowing. And in 1996, they licensed Mega Man to Brazilian publisher Magnum Press. It turns out exactly how you'd expect from a publisher with that name.

The comic begins normally enough, with Mega Man waking up after 30 years in a post-apocalyptic world where Dr. Wily's robots have almost wiped out the entire human race.

Novas Aventuras de Megaman
Also, good ol' Wily has been hitting the gym.

Or at least that's what the comic claims, because several times we see humans living happily in a clearly not-apocalyptic setting not giving a damn about the army of human-hunting robots that sometimes exists and sometimes doesn't. Besides, the comic seems more concerned with apologizing for how shitty it is.

Novas Aventuras de Megaman
"If there were any justice in the world, I'd be starving to death on the streets!"

They were right to apologize; the artwork, for instance, seems to lie at the center of a Venn diagram between "manga" and "back of a notebook of a mentally disturbed teenager."

Novas Aventuras de Megaman
Little Billy is now seeing a psychologist.

And the script to this bullshit is what happens when you Google Translate police reports of sexual harassment into robot before going back to human.

Novas Aventuras de Megaman
"But first I've got to mount your boot drive! Computer sex!"

Yes, this comic reveals that Mega Man and his futuristic brother, Mega Man X, both want to plug their penises into the USB port of their robot sister, Roll (a minor character in the games). We pray that when the robot revolution comes, this comic is erased from the Internet immediately; otherwise it will teach the Terminators how to rape us.

Novas Aventuras de Megaman
It will not be a difficult task.

We're not sure how shocked the guy could have been about seeing her naked up there; she is even naked on the freaking cover of the first issue. And sales must have been pretty bad near the end, because in the last few issues, she gives up trying to remain dressed and becomes a one-girl nudist colony.

Novas Aventuras de Megaman
To be fair, in Brazil nipple pasties are considered casual clothes.

The comic was cancelled with No. 16, but probably not before a whole lot of disappointed Brazilian teenagers ran out to buy copies of Mega Man.

#1. The Psychotic/Masturbating Spider-Man (Japan)

Perhaps inspired by the success of Batman's wacky Japanese adventures, in the '70s, Marvel Comics licensed a Spider-Man manga by artist Ryoichi Ikegami. The result was, well, we feel this image sums it up pretty well:

Spider-Man: The Manga
You probably remember this part from the Tobey Maguire movies.

You see, while the Batman series was made entirely out of random insanity, the Spider-Man one showed us the other side of Japanese comics -- you know, the deeply disturbing, bizarrely sexual one. Feast your eyes on this sequence, where "Peter Parker" is trying to study while his boobs-obsessed adolescent imagination tries to distract him:

Spider-Man: The Manga
What could the panel of his hand grabbing the pencil possibly repre- oh.

Of course, Peter puts those thoughts aside when an emergency arises and -- wait, no, he wanks. Yeah, that's not webbing on the ceiling, Aunt May.

Spider-Man: The Manga
Stan Lee dealt with these issues in more tactful ways.

The Spider-Manga began as a relatively faithful translation of the American comic: A high school student gets bitten by a radioactive spider, gains superpowers, and starts punching people in tights. The biggest difference, at this point, was that this Spider-Man was slightly more prone to fantasizing about fucking murdering everyone.

Spider-Man: The Manga
Then again, laughing at burning people is considered respectful in some cultures.

But then, in the third chapter, Spider-Man says "fuck it," throws away his webbed costume, and barely puts it on again for the rest of the series. In fact, in most issues, the classic mask only appears on the cover illustrations, or when little Spider-Man faces appear in the air and haunt Peter (Japan's version of the Spidey-sense).

Spider-Man: The Manga
And they're all singing the Spider-Man theme in squirrel voices.

From this point on, Spider-Man pretty much stops fighting supervillains; his main antagonists are either gangs of rapists (he fights at least four different ones in unrelated stories) or fake Spider-Men who gain his same powers and start killing people, only to be accidentally killed by Peter at the end of the issue (and of course he feels terrible about it, which is the only thing he had in common with the real Spidey).

Oh, and while the most brutal thing we'd seen in the American comic at this point was someone's neck snapping, this version wasn't so squeamish:

Spider-Man: The Manga
Japanese J. Jonah Jameson had it coming.

Why couldn't Japan just give Spider-Man a giant robot called Leopardon and ... hold on, that exists, too? Fuck this comic, we're watching that shit again.

Maxwell Yezpitelok writes comics and lives in Chile, but you can find him on Twitter.

For more foreign translations that missed the mark, check out Lost In Translation: 20 Baffling Foreign Movie Posters and The 7 Most Hilarious Foreign Twists on Common Movie Clichés.

If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out The IRS 'Comedy' Video That Cost (You) $60,000.

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