We do not endorse any of the following actions. In real life, revenge fantasies rarely go the way you want, and usually just make things worse. Still, sometimes the act of vigilante retribution is doled out in such a clever manner, it's hard to call it anything but "justice." Or at least, "hilarious."
#6. Man Turns the Police Department's Own Website into a Traffic Camera Protest
The Washington Post / Getty
Speed control cameras are a pretty controversial issue, not least because getting a retroactive speeding ticket by mail is the stuff swear words are made of. Still, at the end of the day, most people just pay the fine and move on with their lives. Computer network designer Brian McCrary of Bluff City, Tennessee, was not most people.
For one thing, he has a much larger monitor than most people.
The Bluff City area already had a reputation for using surveillance cameras as speed traps to collect revenue, so when McCrary got a belated ticket from one in 2010, he was damn well going to say a word or two. McCrary went to the police department's website to locate a non-emergency phone number to give someone a piece of his mind, and he made a curious find: a warning message saying that the police department's domain was just about to expire.
Imagine the situation: A computer network professional is fuming about a questionable ticket dealt by the local police department, then unexpectedly finds out that said police department's website is about to be up for grabs. As perfect moments go, it must've been a pretty sweet one.
Within a few days, the BCPD's website mysteriously stopped being all policey and began displaying information about the evils of speed cameras, including the area's specific camera locations and how to avoid them.
McCrary, the site's proud new owner, created and linked to a number of articles highlighting just how much money these cameras were taking in and how said money was distributed. When it became apparent that 50 percent of the revenue went to the company that sold the cameras, it didn't take long for the public to take interest.
Mario Tama / Getty
You'd really expect more bullet holes in a sign like that.
Meanwhile, the cops had zero idea about what was going on. In fact, they didn't even know anything had happened until the reporters started calling. A quick investigation revealed that the BCPD had in fact received no less than seven email notifications that their domain rights were about to expire, and they just never got around to renewing them.
This made everything McCrary did nice and legal -- the cops couldn't touch him, and he could just lean back and watch as his newfound publicity jumped his site to a very respectable 90,000 unique visitors, all on a quest to learn about the dark side of speed cameras.
The Washington Post / Getty
We're surprised that many people needed to be convinced that these suck.
McCrary's site is still alive and well today. Meanwhile, the Bluff City Police Department maintains a limited Internet presence, presumably while attempting to get with the times and figure out how to set up a Myspace profile.
#5. Theft Victim Makes the Thief Go Viral
Bentley University freshman Mark Bao was more than a little pissed off when a thief relieved him of his MacBook Air. Luckily, Bao was pretty handy with computers and used a browser-based backup database to remotely access the stolen computer. Curious to see what the dickbag who took the computer had been using it for, Bao started combing through its files and browsing history. Soon enough, he had dug up the culprit's identity via his Facebook profile information. That wasn't the only interesting thing he found, either:
That video is of the thief, who apparently used the computer's camera to make several videos of himself doing a weird frat boy robot dance to the song "Make It Rain" by Travis Porter.
Once Bao had watched the videos and recovered from the ensuing douche chill seizure, he realized that he'd hit the jackpot. He now had the perpetrator's identity and all the damning proof against the dude he could ever want. So Bao took his case to the cops, they arrested the guy and the laptop was returned to its original owne- ha, no, of course not! Where's the fun in that?
Locked away somewhere with his rhythm?
Instead, Bao picked one of the more embarrassing videos and uploaded it to YouTube under the less than subtle title of "Don't Steal Computers Belonging to People Who Know How to Use Computers."
The clip instantly became a runaway YouTube hit (1.7 million views, as of the writing of this article). Before long, the guy himself caught wind of his newfound viral fame. The realization that you're now known to your friends, family and the world as Dancin' Douchebag Computer Thief apparently has a very invigorating effect on a person's honesty glands, because he immediately turned the stolen laptop over to the campus police. He then proceeded to write Bao a rambling email, asking him if Bao could take the video down as a huge personal favor for him, the guy who stole Bao's computer.
You naive fool. Nothing can ever unmake this.
History doesn't explicitly state what Bao's reaction was, but judging by how he instantly posted the email on Reddit and the fact that the video is still up, we're guessing his reply was a set of very specific instructions as to where the thief could stick his request.
#4. Man Counters Repossession of His Home ... With a Bulldozer
One of the millions of homeowners screwed by the economic meltdown in 2008 was Terry Hoskins, who was stuck with a $350,000 house that he was unable to pay off thanks to a failing family business. To ward off foreclosure, he put the house on the market -- only to receive a single offer of $170,000, the house buyer's equivalent of mooning the seller. Still, the world economy was moments away from devolving into Road Warrior territory, so Hoskins was in no position to haggle. While the offer was less than half the value of the house, it was also a full ten grand above what he owed the bank on it. Knowing that it could have been much worse, the relieved Hoskins informed the bank of the deal ...
"I'd like to place an order for $9,999 worth of cocaine and one small Dr. Pepper."
... only to have them tell him that they absolutely would not accept the arrangement.
Hoskins' bank had chosen to handle the crisis in a manner best described as a feeding frenzy: They just calculated the most money they could make and went for the jugular. And since they could profit the most by repossessing and selling Hoskins' house, well, that's just too bad for Hoskins.
"The best way to challenge society's perception of bankers is by not doing that at all."
Freshly stripped of fiscal dignity, Hoskins took one last look at the house he had built and lived in for decades. Then he did an inventory of his earthly possessions. He had one home that was no longer his, one business that was likely to go belly-up ... and, as luck would have it, one perfectly functional bulldozer.
And really, what honest man needs more than that?
As we've mentioned before, the one lesson corporate America doesn't seem to learn is that you never, ever fuck with a man who has access to a bulldozer. Hoskins took it upon himself to remind the bank of this, cranked up the 'dozer's engine and proceeded to tear through his home, aka the house the bank was hoping to seize.
For two hours.
So, when the bank cashed in on their shenanigans and came calling on this ...
... they found Hoskins lounging in front of this:
"I just wanted to take out a couple walls. And a couple ceilings."
Hoskins explained his actions by stating that he merely wanted to leave the place in the same condition that he had found it -- that is, sans house. When the bank countered by saying they'd repo his business premises, too, he just shrugged and gave the bulldozer a meaningful look.
Of course, the letter of the law doesn't leave much room for poetic justice, so Hoskins will still have to pay a shit ton of money for the havoc he wreaked. Still, we're guessing the bank managers aren't leaning on him too hard if he misses a payment ... lest they wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of a large, slowly approaching engine.
AFP / Getty
"This thing really needs a cape."