The president of the United States of America has everything he could ever want: a big house, a fancy car, a private plane and a legacy secured for all time. So what do you get the man who has everything? The answer to that question is usually something lame like "a poem," or "a song," or "a heartfelt macaroni portrait." But sometimes it's something awesome like "furniture made from super-predators" or "all the cheese."
5Badass Chairs Made from Wild Animals
Here, have this guy:
Finally, a use for that monofilament weed whacker.
And don't say we never gave you nothin'.
Look at that magnificent bastard: He's like somebody crossbred Will Forte with a bushel of hay.
That's Seth Kinman, an early Californian settler and professional hunter, but he wasn't what you'd probably think, judging by that photograph alone.
He's actually -- inexplicably, impossibly -- even crazier than he looks.
For example: Seth's specialty was making elaborate chairs out of the carcasses of wild animals, then taking pictures of himself just sitting in them, psychobillying out.
Here he is, captaining a Bear Chair, working the imaginary gears with his machete stick shift.
That distorted nightmare mockery of a chair up there was made especially for and presented to then-president Andrew Johnson. It was fashioned from a single wild bear that Kinman hunted, shot and opted to fashion into a throne for the leader of his country, like a totally reasonable person would think to do. It wasn't a practice exclusive to Johnson, either: Every time a new president was elected, Kinsman built him a Savage Throne from which to rule. Here's Rutherford B. Hayes, who certainly doesn't seem to be sitting in that chair against his will, held hostage by a man carrying a gun the size of himself.
"It's been three days, can I please move?"
And some photographs from one of Kinman's earlier attempts at presidential chair-making, intended for Abraham Lincoln:
Finally, a chair capable of scratching your balls and tickling your prostate at the same time.
While Abe Lincoln said that he would "rather eat his elk-horn chair, antlers and all" than sit in it, the other presidents just loved that power-mad symbolism: James Buchanan, the first to be presented with a corpse throne, was so pleased by it that he immediately bought Kinman a fancy rifle in return. Andrew Johnson loved his grizzly bearecliner so much that he kept it in the White House library all throughout his time in office. Rutherford Hayes' elk-horn chair is even now on display in the Rutherford B. Hayes Presidential Center in Ohio, where visitors can come gaze upon its terrible visage, and despair. No word on whether they let you sit in it and laugh maniacally, but Jesus, they have to, right? What would be the point to that whole place if not?