Whether we like to admit it or not, a whole bunch of us only watch car races in hopes of seeing a spectacular crash. Likewise, we follow other sports like reality television, never happier than when some big star goes apeshit on national TV. In other words, many people only become sports fans when things go horribly wrong.
This article is for them.
#6. The Baseball Game that was Called on Account of Bees
Ahh, bees. Mother Nature's way of telling us "I love you guys, but seriously -- screw you sideways for Chernobyl and plastic bags."
Bees are a big problem for backyard barbecues and honey thieves, but as far as we can tell, they've never substantially altered the course of a professional baseball game. That all changed on March 25, 2005. After five innings, the Colorado Rockies and the Arizona Diamondbacks were forced off the field by hundreds of angry bees.
Sergio Santos exhales bees onto the field, Green Mile style.
Darren Oliver, pitcher for the Rockies, was the first player targeted. The swarm apparently smelled his coconut hair gel and decided his head was the perfect place for a giant bee feast/orgy. The Diamondbacks tried to take the field in the sixth, but "by then the bees had spread over the entire field." The shortstop was chased into the far end of center field and, after a brief discussion, the humans elected to flee Tucson stadium.
Darren Oliver runs from a bee, screaming like a 12-year-old girl.
This sounds like the sinister prelude to a bloody worldwide invasion, but so far the bees have held back their awful wrath, and incredibly, no one in the crowd of 8,029 reported any stings. The Invasion of Tucson was simply a show of force from the Mother Hive. People of Arizona: You live or die at the pleasure of the All-Queen!
Via Science Daily
#5. Zeus Hates Soccer
When someone mentions the "dangers of soccer," getting hit in the face with a ball, or possibly getting gouged with some cleats comes to mind. But it isn't a contact sport like football or rugby or sex-jousting, so there really isn't much to worry about. Unless, of course, you've pissed off Zeus, which at some point soccer apparently has.
What we're trying to say is that soccer games seem to be absolute magnets for lightning. Even when it's not storming.
They're making evil in there.
On May 3, 2009, a bolt of lightning struck a soccer field in southern Germany and wounded 26 teenagers. One even died on scene, but was later resuscitated and is now (presumably) some manner of supernatural crime-fighter. More recently, this April, a lightning bolt injured seven more young soccer players.
With sick, extreme fisheye-lens wrath.
The details vary in each strike. In Germany, the players reported no stormy weather or warning whatsoever. Meanwhile, at a soccer game in Michigan, 10 players were struck by lightning as they huddled underneath the same tree for cover. Which we're fairly certain is the exact opposite of what you're supposed to do in a lightning storm, second only to perhaps climbing said tree and waving a 9-iron in the air.
Lightning, preying on trees -- and everything else within 100 yards of it.
But both of these disasters pale in comparison to a 1998 soccer game between two Congolese teams. They were tied in a thrilling (well, as far as soccer goes) 1-1 game when a storm began to brew overhead. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning streaked out of the sky and hit the visiting team -- killing all 11 players instantly. The home team was left unharmed, leading to immediate suspicions of witchcraft.
We actually don't have a convincing argument to counter that claim.
#4. Head-On Collision Ends a Doubles Match
Professional tennis seems like it gets a raw deal in America. You've got athletes serving up balls at more than 130 miles-per-hour directly at each other, yet it seems like we only give celebrity status to about one player per generation. We're honestly astounded that human beings exist with the reflexes and visual acuity to actually play this game. Which just makes it all that much more hilarious when something goes ridiculously wrong.
Via Sports Shooter
Nope, we're not above laughing at that.
This is precisely what happened during a Toronto doubles match involving the Aussie Mark Philippoussis and his partner, Croation pro Goran Ivanisevic, who already had a history of unlikely game-ending injuries. For example, Ivanisevic once broke multiple fingers after accidentally closing a door on his hand.
The trouble started when both men went after the same shot. Ivanisevic tried to head it over the net, while Philippoussis attempted to play it with his racquet.
Known in the sports world as an "oh shit" moment.
The Aussie and the Croat were so focused on making the play that they both missed it entirely. Philippoussis and Ivanisevic collided head-to-head in mid-air, Three Stooges-style. Ivanisevic ended up requiring stitches, while his partner staggered away with a concussion. The two never partnered again, which is probably better off for everyone who doesn't make a living as a comedy writer.
Not that we're complaining -- look at it!
Ivanisevic's battle with spatial awareness came to a head in 2003, when he was forced to withdraw from a tournament after stepping on a seashell at the beach and injuring his foot. For subsequent matches, we assume Ivanisevic was issued a football helmet, thick mittens and galoshes.