6 Bizarre Incidents that Prove God Hates Sports

Darren Oliver, pitcher for the Rockies, was the first player targeted. The swarm apparently smelled his coconut hair gel and decided his head was the perfect place for a giant bee feast/orgy. The Diamondbacks tried to take the field in the sixth, but "by then the bees had spread over the entire field." The shortstop was chased into the far end of center field and, after a brief discussion, the humans elected to flee Tucson stadium.

This sounds like the sinister prelude to a bloody worldwide invasion, but so far the bees have held back their awful wrath, and incredibly, no one in the crowd of 8,029 reported any stings. The Invasion of Tucson was simply a show of force from the Mother Hive. People of Arizona: You live or die at the pleasure of the All-Queen!

On May 3, 2009, a bolt of lightning struck a soccer field in southern Germany and wounded 26 teenagers. One even died on scene, but was later resuscitated and is now (presumably) some manner of supernatural crime-fighter. More recently, this April, a lightning bolt injured seven more young soccer players.

The details vary in each strike. In Germany, the players reported no stormy weather or warning whatsoever. Meanwhile, at a soccer game in Michigan, 10 players were struck by lightning as they huddled underneath the same tree for cover. Which we're fairly certain is the exact opposite of what you're supposed to do in a lightning storm, second only to perhaps climbing said tree and waving a 9-iron in the air.

But both of these disasters pale in comparison to a 1998 soccer game between two Congolese teams. They were tied in a thrilling (well, as far as soccer goes) 1-1 game when a storm began to brew overhead. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning streaked out of the sky and hit the visiting team -- killing all 11 players instantly. The home team was left unharmed, leading to immediate suspicions of witchcraft.

We actually don't have a convincing argument to counter that claim.

This is precisely what happened during a Toronto doubles match involving the Aussie Mark Philippoussis and his partner, Croation pro Goran Ivanisevic, who already had a history of unlikely game-ending injuries. For example, Ivanisevic once broke multiple fingers after accidentally closing a door on his hand.

The trouble started when both men went after the same shot. Ivanisevic tried to head it over the net, while Philippoussis attempted to play it with his racquet.

The Aussie and the Croat were so focused on making the play that they both missed it entirely. Philippoussis and Ivanisevic collided head-to-head in mid-air, Three Stooges-style. Ivanisevic ended up requiring stitches, while his partner staggered away with a concussion. The two never partnered again, which is probably better off for everyone who doesn't make a living as a comedy writer.

Ivanisevic's battle with spatial awareness came to a head in 2003, when he was forced to withdraw from a tournament after stepping on a seashell at the beach and injuring his foot. For subsequent matches, we assume Ivanisevic was issued a football helmet, thick mittens and galoshes.

The city of New Delhi is often beset by animal invaders. Government offices, courts, hospitals -- even the police find themselves besieged by monkey "gangs" on a regular basis. And we aren't talking about some adorable wandering simian circus, good-naturedly flinging pooh and lampooning fat people. In 2007, one of these "gangs" hunted down and murdered the deputy mayor.

The primate gangs, which we're calling "Mon-Queda," represented a major threat to India's 2010 Commonwealth Games. So New Delhi enlisted the help of 38 trained langur monkeys to stand guard over game venues. And it's a good thing they did; thanks to the SWAT monkeys, no contestants were brutally murdered by roving bands of wild animals.

Which is more than we can say for Mistar, an Indonesian footballer. During a game in 1995, he was run down and trampled to death by a "stampede of pigs" that apparently had a grudge against his team. And possibly Indonesian football altogether.

In July, 2010, Sussex took on Middlesex in Uxbridge. Surprisingly, none of that was crazy British slang for sex. All it really means is that a whole lot of British people got together for a regional cricket championship. It happens all the time (we assume) and was shaping up to be a good, standard day of cricketing.

Until the sky fell.

An alleged meteorite -- estimated to be some 4.5 billion years old -- came soaring out from space and impacted the ground five yards from the field's boundary. The space rock, which Cracked experts believe to be either an alien declaration of war or an overly enthusiastic tribute to Robert Heinlein, broke in two on impact. One chunk flew up to hit a fan enjoying his beer.

When asked about the incident, the fan said, "It came across at quite a speed -- if it had hit me full on it could have been very interesting." Which is proof that British sports fans are either the hardest fans on Earth, or the drunkest. We're going to go with "both."

And then an errant sheepdog ruined everything.

Apparently the British didn't fence off their playing fields or anything back then, because a normal, run-of-the-mill sheepdog had no trouble making his way onto the playing field during a match between the Bees and Colchester United. None of the refs or managers seemed to think the little dog was worth worrying about. He ran about happily until a flying ball caught his attention.

Both Brodie and the sheepdog were so focused on their separate games of "catch" that neither noticed the other until it was too late. Man and dog collided, and Chic ended up with a shattered kneecap that ended his professional career.

"The dog might have been small, but it just happened to be solid," quipped Brodie about his life-altering injury. No word on what happened to the dog, but we have to think he left the field that day being very good at dodging angry soccer kicks.

For more bizarre tales from sports, check out 6 Insane Sports Stories That Will Make You Believe In Curses and 7 Great Sports Moments (That Might Have Been Fixed).