28 of the Wildest Things Seen by People Working in Forensics

‘A candle in an old man’s bladder’

Authors: By Ian Garner
Published: May 01, 2024
Comments: 0

22 Movies That Are Way Too Long

‘Freddy Got Fingered’ is so long that there’s a joke about it in the movie

Authors: By Amanda Mannen
Published: May 01, 2024
Comments: 2

This Is the First Song to Ever Top the Billboard Charts

It’s kind of a banger, not gonna lie

Authors: By Eli Yudin
Published: May 01, 2024
Comments: 0

Here’s What’s Up With the ‘Shogun’ Haircut

Behind their odd choice of hair surface area

Authors: By Eli Yudin
Published: May 01, 2024
Comments: 0

The 4 Worst Choices ‘SNL’ Has Ever Made

How could they hire Aykroyd and Belushi? (Jim and Peter, I mean)

Authors: By Matt Solomon
Published: May 01, 2024
Comments: 0

30 Famous People in History Whose True Stories Left Us Flabbergasted

By:: Eric B; Cracked Writers

August 16, 2023

30 Famous People in History Whose True Stories Left Us Flabbergasted

History has a way of unraveling in winding ways. It’s presented one way as fact, and then we find out years later that, hold up, it didn’t exactly go down that way. After all, as they say, “History is written by the victors.”

And this isn’t really surprising, when you think about it. The people in power want you to believe a certain narrative because surprise, surprise, they come out looking great when it’s spun up that way. Good job, rotten person — way to fix it up so that you’re not a war criminal, you’re just an honest-to-goodness patriot. Tell that to the tribunal. Or not.

But as we’re all acutely aware, sometimes the truth is more complicated than whatever has been cooked up to cover for it, more strange and more shocking than we could have imagined. Read on to discover the absolutely jaw-dropping tales of 30 famous people from our past…

30

THE DEAD! Ed Wood wasn't a cult director while he lived. Shortly after UNSPEAKABLE HORRORS FROM Wood's death, OUTER SPACE PARALYZE THE LIVING AND RESURRECT the popular book THE DEAD! PLAN 9 The Golden FROM Turkey Awards OUTER raised him out SPACE of obscurity by naming Plan 9 from Outer Space as the worst movie ever BELA LUGOSI VAMPIRA LYLE TALBOT made. AA Edward Predured Edward 4 CRACKED.COM — Source: 25 Famous People Who Were Total Nobodies While They Were Alive

29

El Greco was snubbed for dissing Michelangelo. Domenikos Theotokopoulos (El Greco) had the chutzpah to dismiss the great masters. Because of his contrariness, his paintings weren't appreciated as masterpieces until the 19th century, 250 years after his death. CRACKED.COM — Source: 25 Famous People Who Were Total Nobodies While They Were Alive

28

Camille Claudel was overshadowed by Rodin and isolated by her family. Claudel apprenticed with renowned sculptor Auguste Rodin, and they had a long and difficult relationship. She spent her last 30 years committed by her family in a mental institution. Today her sculptures are worth millions. CRACKED.COM — Source: 25 Famous People Who Were Total Nobodies While They Were Alive

27

Jack Kirby never profited from Marvel's success. Not only was he overshadowed by the more media- friendly Stan Lee, but Kirby's contributions were work for hire, so he never got proper payment or credit for CO- creating the Marvel Univers. CRACKED.COM — Source: 25 Famous People Who Were Total Nobodies While They Were Alive

26

CRACKED.COM Stieg Larsson became a bestselling author after his death. Larsson's The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and its sequels, all published after he died from a heart attack in 2004, went on to sell millions, win multiple awards, and be adapted into several sucessful films. FROM THEINTERNATIONAL FAMILY CHAIG PARMET MARA THEGIRL DRAGONTATTOO MILLEHNIUMIRILOGIN — Source: 25 Famous People Who Were Total Nobodies While They Were Alive

25

Nick Drake was mostly ignored. Drake recorded only three albums, none of which sold more than 5,000 copies during his lifetime. His popularity has grown since his death from an overdose in 1974, and other artists have cited him as an influence. CRACKED.COM — Source: 25 Famous People Who Were Total Nobodies While They Were Alive

24

CRACKED.COM Philip K. Dick died in poverty. Blade Runner, Total Recall, and other movies are based on Dick's work. He never enjoyed that cult status, as he died mere months before Blade Runner was released. DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP? The inspiration for the films Blade Runner and Blade Runner : 2049 BLADE RUNNER PHILIP k. DICK — Source: 25 Famous People Who Were Total Nobodies While They Were Alive

23

Stonewall Jackson was an icon of Southern heroism and commitment during the Civil War. Historians consider him one of the most gifted tactical commanders in U.S. history. THE CRAZY: He believed his arms were of unequal length, and he would constantly raise the longer one in the air, to balance out his circulation. It was his arm that caused his death. He was shot in the left arm by friendly fire, and the arm was amputated. We don't know whether it was the arm he kept raised, but it seems ARN OF likely. Jackson died STONEWALL JACKSON just a few — Source: 24 Famous (And Insane) Historical Figures

22

Justin II was a 6th century Byzantine emperor. He's considered one of the most important figures of his era, as he sought to restore the empire's greatness and reconquer the lost western half of the historical Roman Empire. THE CRAZY: He heard voices and bit people. According to ancient historian John of Ephesus, Justin II would hear voices in his head and scream and hide under his bed to escape them. His servants would play organ music throughout the palace to drown out the voices and keep him from biting their heads. Legend has it he actually ate two of — Source: 24 Famous (And Insane) Historical Figures

21

This is Charles the Mad VT. He was king of France at the turn of the 14th century, and was known in the early part of his reign as Charles the Beloved. THE CRAZY: He thought he was a wolf made of glass. He used to run through the castle, howling and chasing people, and he didn't want anyone to touch him, because he thought he would shatter. CRACKED.COM http://facultyhistory.wisc.edu/sommerville/123/123%20172%20henryv.htm — Source: 24 Famous (And Insane) Historical Figures

20

John Quincy Adams was the 6th President. He was a celebrated diplomat, one of the authors of the Monroe Doctrine, and a vocal opponent of slavery. THE CRAZY: He also believed in Mole People. Adams greenlit an expedition to travel to the center of the earth and establish diplomatic relations with the mole people living there. The trip never happened, because Adams left office before it could be planned. CRACKED.COM Adams. John o Memoirs of John Quincy Adams. — Source: 24 Famous (And Insane) Historical Figures

19

Meet the Zhengde Emperor of China. He reigned during the early 16th century. His era name means Right virtue or Rectification of virtue. IF 2its the Digerate THE CRAZY: He liked to play make-believe. He had a fake city block built on the imperial grounds so he could pretend to be a shopkeeper, and he liked to pretend he was a general and go on raiding parties. CRACKED.COM David M Robinson 2001 Bandits Eunuchs and the Son of Heaven — Source: 24 Famous (And Insane) Historical Figures

18

Tycho Brahe was a Danish astronomer in the 1500s. He's been described as the first competent mind in modern astronomy to feel ardently the passion for exact empirical facts. THE CRAZY: He kept a dwarf under his dinner table. The little person was named Jepp, and Brahe believed Jepp had psychic powers. Brahe paid Jepp to dress as a jester and sit under the table during meals. CRACKED.COM Fdeath-of-tycho-brahe-historys-strangest-astronomer — Source: 24 Famous (And Insane) Historical Figures

17

Nikola Tesla is now widely admired in scientific circles. He played a major part in the discovery of: Radio A/C Electricity Computers Robotics Radar Ballistics Nuclear Physics THE CRAZY: Tesla was cripplingly obsessive- compulsive. He was a severe germophobe who refused to touch anything bearing the slightest hint of dirt, and he refused to touch anything round. He was also obsessed with the number 3. Before entering a building, he would walk 3 times around the block. He would only stay in hotel rooms divisible by 3. And at each meal, he would use 18 napkins: 3 stacks of 6. — Source: 24 Famous (And Insane) Historical Figures

16

Jean-Jacques Rousseau is one of the most influential philosophers of all time. Rousseau was the most popular philosopher during the period of the French Revolution, and he was interred as a national hero in the Pantheon in Paris. THE CRAZY: According to his memoirs, he loved being spanked. In fact, he used to pull his pants down in the road, and chase women around ass-first to try to get them to spank him. CRACKED.COM http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/3913 — Source: 24 Famous (And Insane) Historical Figures

15

Pythagoras is revered as a great mathematician and scientist. YOU'RE PROBABLY FAMILIAR WITH HIS THEOREM. THE CRAZY: He founded a religion that forbade people to eat beans. A FEW OF THE COMMANDMENTS OF PYTHAGOREANISM: Do not, under any Do not walk on highways. circumstances, eat beans. Do not leave the pot's impression Smooth out all bodily indents in the ashes after removing it on pillows and/or beds. from the fire. Do not step over a crossbar. Do not stir a fire without iron. Do not sit on a quart measure. Do not let swallows nest under the roof. CRACKED.COM MartintCoheh 2009 — Source: 24 Famous (And Insane) Historical Figures

14

Sir Isaac Newton is highly revered for his groundbreaking discoveries in the areas of gravity, calculus, and optics, among other scientific pursuits. THE CRAZY: It's now thought that alchemy was his true passion. Newton devoted a vast amount of time to trying to create the philosopher's stone, which he believed could transmute other metals into gold and grant human beings immortality. CRACKED.COM agazine.com/2010/jul-aug/05-isaac-newton-worlds-most-famous-alchemist — Source: 24 Famous (And Insane) Historical Figures

13

Michelangelo is one of the most celebrated artists of all time. His work as a sculptor, painter, architect, poet, and engineer of the High Renaissance made him a beloved, respected influence on the development of Western art. THE He slept in his CRAZY: clothes and boots. He has sometimes gone SO long without taking (his boots) off that then the skin came away, like a snake's, with the boots. -Michelangelo's assistant CRACKED.COM vebmd.cam/mental-health/news/20040526/did-michelangelo-have-autiam — Source: 24 Famous (And Insane) Historical Figures

12

Martin Luther was the founder of the Lutheran Church. He taught that salvation is a free gift from a loving God, rather than something that must be earned. THE CRAZY: He ate a spoonful of his own shit, every day. Luther said that he couldn't understand the generosity of a God who freely gave such important and useful remedies. CRACKED.COM ww.slate.com/articles/health and science/areen room/features/ 2008/the _big_necessity/why_ wrote about human waste — Source: 24 Famous (And Insane) Historical Figures

11

Lyndon Johnson was the 36th U.S. President. He won the Presidency with 61% of the vote, and had the widest popular margin in American history- more than 15,000,000 votes. THE CRAZY: He liked to show people his dick. Johnson would urinate in public whenever the urge struck him, and if anyone confronted him about it, he'd whip his Johnson around and say have you ever seen anything bigger than this? CRACKED.COM — Source: 24 Famous (And Insane) Historical Figures

10

James Watson won a Nobel Prize for his role in the discovery of DNA. He's a molecular biologist, geneticist and zoologist, best known as one of the co-discoverers of the structure of DNA. THE CRAZY: Watson thinks Africans are inherently less intelligent than Whites. It's worth noting that the Human Genome Project, whose work Watson should be familiar with, has been unable to find a correlation between race and intelligence. CRACKED.COM http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/fury-at-dna-pioneers- heary-africans-are-less-intelligent-than-westemers-394898. html — Source: 24 Famous (And Insane) Historical Figures

9

In 1940, Percy Julian figured out how to isolate hormones SO they could be used in medicine. These hormones are used in steroids, which are in everything from birth control pills to arthritis cream to asthma, eczema, and cancer treatments. His Yet downfall he came remains virtually when disgruntled unknown. a colleague leaked several snarky letters from Julian to the press. Couple that with an affair with his assistant's wife, and he became a pariah whom nobody noticed until 2004. CRACKED.COM http://www.pbs.org/wabh/nova/julian/producer.html — Source: 23 Amazing People Who Were Screwed Out of History Books

8

You are probably familiar with the Jonestown Massacre, but have you heard of Leo Ryan? Congressman Ryan was concerned about the Jim Jones cult, and made the trip to Guyana to check it out. A number of the members he spoke with said they'd like to leave, SO Ryan agreed to take them with him. Jones sent his men after them and executed Ryan, along with three journalists, on the airstrip. The mass suicide had such a broad impact that the term drinking the Kool-Aid has beome a permanent part of our lexicon. Yet the assassination of Congressman Ryan has — Source: 23 Amazing People Who Were Screwed Out of History Books

7

The original CRACKED.COM American Flag was designed by this guy. This is Francis Hopkinson, the early Congress graphics guy. Congressional journals explicitly name him as the creator of the first flag. The whole Betsy Ross thing was based on testimony by her own family. http://wwww.usfiagorg/histary/francishopkinson.himl — Source: 23 Amazing People Who Were Screwed Out of History Books

6

There were actually 40 riders, warning People about the British invasion. Paul Revere was only one of them, and of the three whose names we know, Revere was the least heroic. When intercepted by British soldiers, only Paul Revere was arrested. His image as the lone rider of the revolution comes from a poem by H.W. Longfellow, who created a fictionalized account of one man's heroism to inspire Americans facing the Civil War. CRACKED.COM — Source: 23 Amazing People Who Were Screwed Out of History Books

5

This is Elisha Gray inventor of the variable resistance telephone. cross the bottom box of B fiece sheeld way the of the Before variable resistance, were w which voices transmitted via water reseel telephone line were garbled. also. Alexander Graham Bell made (Figh) bribed a patent officer into the box, B the the voice of was named Zenas Wilber to keep an eye out for patent S which pland low applications related to the talked into The telephone. When Gray's patent application crossed Wilber's desk, he contacted Bell's lawyer. The lawyer like hurriedly scrawled Gray's when breakthrough onto Bell's — Source: 23 Amazing People Who Were Screwed Out of History Books

4

CRACKED.COM Frank J. Wilson Recognize these men? They're the ones who took down Al Capone. George E.Q. While Eliot Ness was chasing Johnson down Capone's criminal activities and taking bows, Johnson and Wilson spent three years trying to prove Capone was a millionaire who didn't pay his taxes. They had nothing to go on: no bank accounts, no endorsed checks, no mortgage payments or paycheck stubs. When Capone came to trial, none of Ness' criminal charges stuck. The case for tax evasion put Capone away. Eig. Jonathan (2010) NO Secret Plat That Captured America's Gapustar — Source: 23 Amazing People Who Were Screwed Out of History Books

3

Sally Ride wasn't the first woman in space. That distinction belongs to Russian cosmonaut Malentina Tereshkoya. INSA In 1963, when Ride was just 12 years old, Tereshkova was already taking laps around the Earth aboard the Vostok 6. And by the time she finally hung up her spacesuit, CHALLENCE# Tereshkova had racked up more time in space than all United States astronauts combined. CRACKED.COM http://www.astronautix somastositerhkova.htm — Source: 23 Amazing People Who Were Screwed Out of History Books

2

Ob Iwerks was the creator of Mickey Mouse. And he animated Steamboat Wille. Walt Disney said Iwerks remained virtually unknown because he was too shy to promote himself. CRACKED.COM hittps/d23.com/walt-files-mouse-memories/ — Source: 23 Amazing People Who Were Screwed Out of History Books

1

Virginia Woolf and some friends wore fake beards and costumes to scam being Abyssinian princes in order to take a tour of a British dreadnought The ruse was a complete success, as the British navy not only busted out the total VIP treatment, but even offered to host lavish dinner party for a them. Woolf and crew politely declined, out of fear of their fake beards falling off while eating. CRACKEDo — Source: 12 Famous Figures That Loved To Troll

Scroll down for the next article

Must Read

15 Cynical Observations From Stand-Up Comedians

Comics have a lot to be cynical about

Authors: By Ian Garner
Published: May 01, 2024
Comments: 0

People Are Asking A.I. to Roast Them for Some Reason

Low-Self-Esteem Twitter tries to teach robots how to ridicule human beings

Authors: By Keegan Kelly
Published: May 01, 2024
Comments: 0

10 Old Artists Who Were Actually Wildly Successful in Their Lifetime

They weren’t all starving

Authors: By Eli Yudin
Published: May 01, 2024
Comments: 3

Bob Odenkirk Says Failed 'Mr. Show' Movie Was “Worst Experience” Of Career

“It's a very short movie but it feels really long.”

Authors: By Matt Solomon
Published: May 01, 2024
Comments: 0

5 Horrible Things That Happened to People’s Butts

One of these stories involves a hose and 100 psi of pressure

Authors: By Ryan Menezes
Published: May 01, 2024
Comments: 0

Conan O’Brien’s Friends Thought He Actually Died During ‘Hot Ones’

Conan detailed the aftermath of his mega-viral ‘Hot Ones’ interview and the ensuing eulogy Twitter gave him

Authors: By Keegan Kelly
Published: May 01, 2024
Comments: 1

MUST READ

28 of the Wildest Things Seen by People Working in Forensics

‘A candle in an old man’s bladder’

Authors: By Ian Garner
Published: May 01, 2024
Comments: 0

22 Movies That Are Way Too Long

‘Freddy Got Fingered’ is so long that there’s a joke about it in the movie

Authors: By Amanda Mannen
Published: May 01, 2024
Comments: 2

This Is the First Song to Ever Top the Billboard Charts

It’s kind of a banger, not gonna lie

Authors: By Eli Yudin
Published: May 01, 2024
Comments: 0