4Lighting Camp Fires with Plastic Explosives
Combining all the fun of Silly Putty with all the danger of a live bomb, plastic explosives have changed the face of modern warfare. The stuff is just slightly more powerful than TNT, and a single pound of it is enough to turn you and everyone within eight feet of you into an airborne meat Slurpee. Or to fry up a nice frittata!
You can totally cook with C4. In fact, there are a lot of stories talking about soldiers doing it. The thing is, despite being a gigantic, murderous explosion distilled into putty form, C4 is almost completely safe: You can cut, burn and even shoot it without detonating it. And when burned, it will give off enough heat to light even the wettest wood, so stories about soldiers sitting around campfires made out of plastic explosives are actually not that uncommon. But before you run out to Unstable Ted's Black Market Explosives and Hotwings, remember that we said "almost completely safe" up there. And here comes that bastard Almost: C4 gives off deadly fumes when it's burned. We'll leave it up to you to weigh the pros and cons of the situation. On the one hand: inhaling airborne toxins. On the other: a barbecue that will please your friends almost as much as it terrifies your enemies.
"Do you prefer your meat well-done, or carbonized?"
3Riot Shields Make Good Sleds
Ah, the humble riot shield: Whether it's bashing in the faces of hippies, liberals, college students, or hippie liberal college students, the riot shield is the premier emblem of police brutality and oppression by the man worldwide. And now, also for sledding!
No, that isn't really a euphemism for something terrible.
It's strong plastic, perfectly smooth and even a little concave -- just like all the best ad-hoc sleds. But man, who on Earth would be hard enough to steal a fucking riot shield just to go sledding? Even if you got past all the security, broke the locks on the supply lockers and somehow evaded the dogs, you'd still have to wait until the police were done sledding first.
"Wee! This is so much fun! Plus it really scrapes all that scalp matter off!"
That's right: When they're not busting unions and skulls in equal measure, riot police have been spotted gleefully sliding down hillsides like children after the first snowfall. Cops are just people, after all, and a little snow can transform all of us right back into eight-year-olds. But it's kind of a bad thing for the police force's street rep when pictures of them wussing out on Dead Man's Hill get leaked to the press.
"Guys, no! No, I ... I think I hear my mom calling. For realsies!"
These officers were reprimanded for misuse of police equipment after the video first leaked, because riot gear is astoundingly expensive: That's precisely engineered, bulletproof material that the cops are doing their bitchin' jumps off of. But wait a minute -- they're worried that a little snow will damage their expensive riot equipment, but they're fine bringing it into actual conflicts? We always knew sledding was awesome, but we never thought it was more hardcore than a riot.