Cracked's opinion about persons of the juvenile persuasion usually ranges from bafflement to outright terror. The kids on this list, however, demand not just our respect but, in some cases, blood oaths of loyalty.
While we spent our childhoods using our boogers to glue our other boogers into super boogers, these youngsters spent theirs rocking the universe with their flagrant--and often chilling--displays of power.
5Johnny and Luther Htoo: Wonder Twins (of Terrorism)
The adorable chain-smoking tykes up there are the Htoo twins. They were born in the late '80s in Burma, but not the regular Burma you know and cherish. They were actually Karens, an ethnic group that has been waging guerrilla war against the Burmese state since 1949.
At one time they were just regular boys who lived in a jungle camp of rebels. When the Burmese army attacked the place to clear the way for a gas line, the armed branch of the Karen National Union ran away screaming, leaving the village defenseless. Except for the AK-47s they had stashed some place, which these nine-year-old kids used to fend off the invading Burmese Army. Successfully. And that, boys and girls, was how God's Army got its start.
These are serious mofos, is what we're trying to tell you.
So How Powerful Were These Kids, Exactly?
Rather than chalking it up to beginners luck, the Htoo twins leveraged their precocious display of Rambo-sized balls to command an army of followers who were convinced the boys were magically invincible.
They actually had about 150 followers who carried weapons and obeyed their commands and literally believed in the magical powers of the Htoo twins. How could you not follow someone when you think he's impervious to bullets? Or mines? And that he commands 250,000 invisible soldiers? And his brother commands 150,000? Sure it sounds ridiculous, but if two pre-pubescent kids walked into your office right now chain smoking Marlboro Reds, tossed you an AK and told you it was time to take down the man, you'd have to think long and hard about declining the offer.
High five for invincibility!
They really got everyone's attention when soldiers of their army (the visible ones) held a whole hospital hostage for 24 hours in demand for medical treatment for God's Army's wounded. They didn't get it, and in fact everyone involved was shot dead by Thai security forces (the Htoo twins weren't there).
So, like all hopeless causes led by tiny, messianic fraternal twins wielding automatic weapons, this one couldn't last. In 2001, the 13-year-old boys and 20 of their followers turned themselves in to Thai soldiers, admitting that no, they weren't mystic zombie commanders, and yes, they did have a smoking problem.