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OH GOD WHAT DO WE PUT HERE: THE ROUND-UP

By CRACKED Staff April 11, 2009 20,489 views
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The regular guy is out and none of us have any idea how to do this round-up. We're pretty sure we need a quote from that shitty Lewis Carroll poem and some slanderous references towards commenters. How the hell do we finish this paragraph out? Babba-booi? Babba-booi.


First Swaim lazied up our Sunday with this article about a dead British playwright. Bucholz wakes us up on Monday with a warning about the coming Robocalypse. Next up, Brockway reveals a spectacular abortion of words by Michael Bay. Then we have Seanbaby's inaugural post about how to responsibly make fun of shit. True to form, Dan O'Brien closes us off with a shockingly racist article about the IRS.







He took his Vorpal sword in hand: Long time the manxome foe he sought.
6 Writers Who Accidentally Crapped Out Masterpieces.
One day this round-up will be in a museum.


Notable Comment: "I once tried to recreate Fear and Loathing...if by "recreate" you mean got really wasted and watched Fear and Loathing...which I'm preeeetty sure you did." You've got our number down pat, Jack-O.



Fuck the Man!
5 Popular Safety Laws (That Don't Work)
Shockingly, it turns out that sometimes the government [i]doesn't[/i] know best. How very surprising.


Notable Comment: Jpj420 pretty much sums it up, "People are f*****g retarded."



GLOWBOX GUD
7 T.V. Ads That Take Themselves Way Too Seriously
There is a certain art to good commercials. These commercials aren't art.


Notable Comment:"Movie piracy causes AIDS. Movie piracy kills kittens.Movie piracy makes cherubs cry." Chicoboy, we hope you're right, because few things have the raw erotic power of a weeping cherub.



CRAZY PLUNGERS!
5 Retarded Health Campaigns That Backfired Hilariously
TWO articles about retarded government failures? Cracked is on the cutting edge of neo-cyber-anarcho-gangster sentiments!


Notable Comment: lol_alf comes up with a brilliant PSA. ""eine cigarette, mein fuehrer?" "nein!!" be like hitler - don't smoke. "



MYSTERY!
Underdogs of War: 6 Tiny Nations That Kicked Ass.
Sometimes the little guy has a big stick.


Notable Comment: "Pepper mines? Really? I'm pretty sure plant products aren't mined." Off to the pepper mines with Vaultboy.





Magic Hugs!
The Only Cause Supported By Every Movie Star (But One)
Shiny and new!


YOU YOU YOU!
What 23 Famous Movie Characters Would Be Doing Today.
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Wishes Gone Wrong!



Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.

4.9.09:

I'd give him money, but he'll just spend it on people.
by tallestmunchkin

Editor's pick:

R2-Detox
by RobertJSawyer

4.8.09:

Stephen Hawking attempts the "69"
by xgrendelx

Editor's pick:

I dunno why, really. When I walked into the sex shop, it just caught my eye and I had to have it.
by crazyivan

4.7.09:

There can be only one Douchelander.
by mrpeabody

Editor's pick:

His methods may be questionable, but my drain is now completely unclogged.
by geniuswaitress

4.6.09:

The special ed. department's field trip went very wrong very quickly.
by orphan

Editor's pick:

Well, he saw his shadow. Looks like six more months of war.
by TheBeatles

4.5.09:

O.K. so the first North Korean missile test wasn't as big a deal
by DrTom

Editor's pick:

Just the people to call if you home suddenly bursts into water.
by Shane?

4.4.09:

There was a farmer who had a dog and 0100001001001001010011100100011101001111 was his name-o.
by Amer

Editor's pick:

LASS-E
by stevie92

4.3.09:

The cravings followed Bob for the rest of his life; no matter what he did it was like a giant angry cigarette was just behind him.
by MillsC9

Editor's pick:

In the UK, that there would be called a giant fag. In the US, he'd be called a biker.
by 2noname



I'm with Pedgerow on this. Some people like to check out all the options with one single page. Filter options, maybe?

4/15/2009 5:45:13 AM
Chojinra

A lot of people seem to be using this comments section to talk about the new site layout, so here I go too: I have just been clicking through the recent articles, having been away for not even four days, and it turns out you need to go to a separate part of the site to look at videos now. I don't approve. Put the videos and articles together, like they used to be back when the word Archive was used. Otherwise, you guys could definitely teach Facebook a thing or two about site redesign.

4/13/2009 5:14:56 PM
Pedgerow

You are also fat.

4/12/2009 10:40:30 PM
Flubagalub

I stole the joke from Conan, I am a monster and a bastard

4/11/2009 11:14:56 PM
lol_alf

Well, to be honest the new layout is such that I know once I get used to it I'll like it better so even though I'm still in the "not digging it too much whilst in the adjustment" phase I've decided to forgo all the sniveling and just say I like it.

Hopefully others will appreciate the huge sacrifice I made in doing this.

You're welcome.

4/11/2009 3:39:50 PM
Jenna_Tullwortz

Gool old Cracked stuffs. Here are more fun videos, "Ridiculous Stunts I Learned in College" http://tv1.com/playlists/78

4/11/2009 1:38:15 PM
sky_slasher

Those were some of the funniest craptions I've read in a while!

Oh, and "wheres the colour - the vibrancy"?
What, instead of a white background, we now have a grey background?
JESUS H. CHRIST, IT'S SO f*****g BORING.

I love the layout. As Shabadoo says, It's grown up. It gives a nice ironic contrast against the childish humour this site offers. It makes everything slightly funnier for me.

4/11/2009 11:25:54 AM
Patella-Prizer

Why the f**k is Cracked advertising the pocket torch?

"Hot enough to melt a penny and will light up your crack pipe, first time, every time." Ok crack, Cracked.com I get it.

4/11/2009 9:10:05 AM
glendoor42

I've never heard so many complaints about something that's free. Oh wait, except for all you whiners on EVERY OTHER CRACKED ARTICLE.

I like the new layout. It's grown-up. But as I've already implied, my opinion is worthless. Maybe I secretly hate it but have just risen above the idea that my groans would make a difference. Hell, I'd keep the layout the same just to spite you crybabies.

4/11/2009 8:53:02 AM
Shabadoo

god this new design makes the entire website look so lifeless and boring..wheres the colour - the vibrancy? god damn it.

4/11/2009 7:38:54 AM
zsasz

Funny, my screen says "354 views". :)

4/11/2009 6:36:52 AM
chicoboy

The new look isn't even working, it says "0 Views", even though at least 2 people have "viewed" this article.

Work Harder.

4/11/2009 5:55:28 AM
-Scorpio

Oh, and I like the new layout. Change is good and healthy, where-as sameness is boring and stagnant. And you know stagnant water is where mosquitoes breed right?

4/11/2009 5:38:05 AM
chicoboy

YAY!!!!! One of my comments made it into a round-up. I'm sooo excited.

4/11/2009 5:35:51 AM
chicoboy

Please, please, bite the bullet and go back to the old Cracked layout. This new look sucks ratcock

4/11/2009 5:14:08 AM
-Scorpio
Cracked stuff on