Transformers 2: Michael Bay's Rejected Script
Michael Bay is well known for the child-like glee with which he infuses every over-the-top, ridiculous action scene he directs. He is truly an auteur, and the naive innocence which he brings to his directing can make most any stupid movie romp enjoyable. Unfortunately, hoping to cement his artistic credibility by landing that coveted writer/director credit a la Clint Eastwood, Bay also decided to try his hand at writing screenplays. And due to my elite Hollywood status as a quasi-respectable Internet comedian, I of course had access to this attempt, and due to my shaky moral compass, I of course decided to post a few excerpts of it for you here:
Find more from Robert on Twitter, Facebook or his own site, I Fight Robots. Because fine bitches jump over robots while firing giant machine guns all the goddamn time; you just need somebody to tell you where to look.
Why.. why do I get the distinct impression that Megan Fox is suppose to be Micheal Bay's self insertion author character Mary Sue?
Reply...
Oh... god... it is like my throat feels like it is permanent stuff in the "thrown up in the back of it" part.
Come on Mike... just go to Thailand like the rest... this... this is just sick and twisted and wrong.
I lost it at "He should sound like T-Pain"
ReplyYou know, Revenge of the Fallen was exactly like that...
ReplyGuessing she had mad tits.
ReplyI liked the (hopefully) planned grammar mistakes this is riddled with. The one in the first paragraph had me a little confused.
Replynow this would be the greatest movie ever!!
ReplyTo the guys complaining about this article being a rip-off of the "Michael Bay's Dark Knight rejected script":
ReplyAre you FREAKING RETARDED?!?
This is nothing like that. This is funny, that was barely amusing. Read the damn thing again. They are completely different from each other. Except for the part of "Michael Bay" and "Rejected Script" they are entirely different from each other. Unlike you two, who are equally brainfucked.
Honestly, you could make this into a literal Transformers mock movie like "Meet the Spartans" or "Epic movie" (even though those movies sucked).
Reply"you can call me...father" I cried at that line. Cried.
ReplyYou're awesome!!! Don't ever stop.
mantis tankfist? sounds like a rejected metal gear character..
Reply*random troll rant*
ReplyNo, seriously, it had me grabbing my stomach during the whole article, that's how hard I was laughing.
The scanned pages makes it all the more authentic and funny, keep up the good work.
Hi there, Im doctor chaos.... I like teabagging and shoving my fingers in the mouths of puppy dogs while jacking off.... You see, Im inbred, my parents are actually brother and sister (as were there parents... and their parents parents). Although I dont normally do gay sex, Im willing to have you all come over to my hous elater for strawberries and extremely sexy escapades (possibly including leather thongs and several little gnomes)... I am a special, special man! No, thank you!
ReplyIts funny how once south park makes a joke about something, everyone tries to jump on it as fast as they can and pretend they were involved in coming up with the idea. if you dont know what im talkin about, its the imaginationland episode.
ReplyIMPORTANT:
ReplyIf you, after reading the entire post, have not yet realized it is a spoof, please don't comment. I will not insult your intelligence by explaining this post to you, just know that if you think that this is:
A) the actual script
B) what Brockway wanted the film to be
C) anything similar to the above
Don't say anything.
great mock script buddy. also tommy gunn that was a great reply as well. I honestly forgot about the comments section for a sec and was like "fuuuuck is this feature-length or something" but STILL KEPT READING.
ReplyThis is exactly what happened in that movie..... What was changed????
ReplyI don't get what's so funny, when I read this I see a deep, innovating, thrilling, dramatic masterpiece. LOLOLOL
ReplyOh. Robot snap!
ReplyI'm gonna have to use that in a phrase today...
oh god please! tell me this is a joke!
ReplyHE'S TOTALLY MAD AT THE TITS !
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