phreesh
For about twenty million bucks, the Soviets will send you into space. For about forty bucks, they'll take you and your buddies for a beer run.
Jeepster
Dear Yahoo Answers, I live Atlanta, Georgia. How worried should I be about Tanks invading...
divinecomedy33
Big Brother is watching you. Also, Big Sister, Bigger Brother, Little Sister, Moderate Sized Cousin, Morbidly Obese Nephew, and Creepy Uncle are watching you.
warcraft004
No wonder the French never want to fight; look what they have to work with...
orphan
Come on boys! We'll show those Civil War recreationists what revisionist history REALLY looks like!
Iapyx
NOT PICTURED: Russian liberal about to get run over while protesting the inherent violence of Russia's after-school programs.
andrewsb
Allowing women into the military made the men happy, but still allowed for the fat chick to slow down the armoured division.
donarumo
Okay so the Village People in Russia may not be as diverse but at least they're from an actual village.
Leaf
And in a huge upset this year, the navy loses their title as "most gay" section of the armed forces...
iantendo
nobody had the heart to tell Yuri that he was holding the cockpit cover and not actually steering.
sarah1212
The hills are alive, with the sound of ... *BOOM!* *Ratta-tatta-tat* *et-et-et-et-et*
geniuswaitress
I'm Captain Larry, and this is Private Darryl, and this is my other Private Darryl, and this is my other Private Darryl...
slickjamesjik
War isn't Hell for these men, its more of a leisurely drive through the country-side.
Gambler
"Ah, piss biscuits" thought, Paul, the only trained military tank driver. "Here I am, selling me soul at tank paintball and I get the side of the fucking French trekkies."
Iapyx
Russia's "Big Brother" program teams at risk youth up with former military officials.
Boondoggle
If I didnt know better I would say that one dude is flashing me "Blue Steel".
mrpeabody
Wait... this the Russian military?! This is what the Cold War was about?!?! God, we suck.
Blinker_Fluid
They got sick of all the weird shit coming from Japan, so they decided to invade. Unfortunately, no one told them Japan is an island.
slickjamesjik
I'd be pissed too if I got demoted to driving around in a tank with those jackasses.
ChaseMitchell
Every ruble you donate to the Cold War-Era Supervillain Fund goes toward finding these Soviet soldiers a suave secret agent to plot against.
Boondoggle
"The Sheriff will never catch us on the other side of Miller's Bridge!" "Millers Bridge?? That washed out two weeks ago!" "Well then hold on!" "YEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!!"
Leaf
"Son... son, that's not the steering wheel... All right, who asked the idiot to drive?!"
Flame_Retarded
As our spy satellite technology has increased, concerns over an invasion by Nerdoslovakia were substantially lowered.
christophorous
"Are we there yet, Dad?" "Don't call me that, kids, I already told you: when I'm wearing this uniform it's Admiral Awesome!"
WOITAS
When filling out the application at Budget Rent a Car, he said he wanted a compact car ... Somebody Fucked Up!
carhead
For obvious reasons, the school went into lockdown as the tank reached the property line!
StoutMastaFlex
Tanks, a rather expensive commodity in Russia, were often covered with humans for protection.
Gambler
Even above the roar of the tank, Vladmir was ashamed as his autoerotic fetish caused a "ding" as his erection hit the tank.
Battlecat
Due to lack of materials, "Pimp my ride : Kazachstan" had to work with the local village idiots.
phreesh
Say what you will about the Russian army, but they sure know how to turn out a sweet trenchcoat
Buschenweiser
Dear Vladmir - Remember when you laughed in my face when I suggested we assemble a mentally handicapped tank crew and march on Moscow? Yeah. In your face bitch.
AlienSteak
''Aha! And they said i was dumb for putting on a Navy suit over my business one! Alas Whos prepared now modern society''
hijodela
The Minutemen unfortunately had to hire a Mexican driver to find their way to the border.
Leaf
"Hey, can you go any faster? We're supposed to be Russian!!" "I wish I could, but the tank keeps Stalin!" ...and that's when their commander shot them.
dragontamer
While seven villages are happy to be missing their idiots, the military can't help but wonder where their tank went.
jennifinch
Gov. Schwarzenegger Announces Enhanced Public Transportation Services for Bay Area Commuters.
chickenface
If surprise is no longer viable, the element of confusion can be just as effective.
getittwistd
What happens in the tank, stays in the tank. That's always been the Colenol's policy when children ride along.
Gatt
Sacha was totally disappointed when he found out that the hatch door doesn't actually steer the tank as he thought.
20characters1
In democratic Finland everyone drives the same tank... it doesn't have the same ring to it
tallestmunchkin
Gustav refused to wear a helmet. For one thing, he trusted Ken not to crash. But, mostly, his hat was just so badass.
wquates
Stripes 2: Starring John Larroquette, the Asian guy from Die Hard and Bill & Ted, Bebe Neuwirth, Crispin Glover, DJ Qualls, and Philip Seymour Hoffman as "Schizo Rizzo"!
geniuswaitress
Captain Williams: "I don't know why Madonna's having adoption trouble. They let me have all the halfwit Canadians I can tote."
MisterCode
Not pictured: The four horses that bring this behemoth up to a whopping FOUR HORSE POWER!
Leaf
Russian tanks have the toilets on top.... and if the General had three-bean salad for lunch, everyone comes up for air.
TheBeatles
Rush Limbaugh is taking his role as a defacto head of the Republican Party a bit too seriously.
huracanekelly
Never leave your tank parked outside an Irish pub with the keys and helmets still inside.
Cleaverson
Ok, so a Russian General and 6 Polish peasants steal a tank, stop me if you've heard this one...
Magifyer
And as the retard lifted his head out of the tank he noticed 5 other retards were still on the tank with him
pakman55
This is what happens when you tell a retarded child he can be what ever he wants to be when he grows up.
belgriffinite
Captain: What are you doing, budinski? Retard: I'm steering the tank! Captain: That isnt a steering wheel, its a hatch! Retard: Same thing!
chili_dog
America's economy might be bad, but at least we don't all have to share one tank...
openwounds
When i asked for a 'think tank', this wasn't what i hoped for, in so very many different ways...
Randman
“My name is Borat, I come a-from Kazakhstan. Can I say a-first, we support your war of terror.”
ATPkid
I'm not a mind reader but the guy in front is either thinking "this is hell" or "dont judge me"
jfbeltran
"So.... we drove into a swamp?" "yyyup...." "Can I still make 'vroom vroom' sounds?"
ATPkid
What everyone who says "oh ya? you and what army?" is hoping to see after that statement
cbwalker720
My friends and I were playing Red Dawn until things got a little out of control and Henry pushed "the button"...
Daniel_Garcia
After Chernobyl radiation met the Cold War it created some of the weirdest testicle tumors EVER!
CreepyOldMan
No wonder Russian Military is in such trouble. they let the asian guy drive...
gm_zero
"Mr. Brimley, this diabetes epidemic is getting out of hand. Your commercials aren't working. You'd need an army to stop it now..." "Make it happen..."
Leaf
Don't underestimate them... judging by the tracks behind them they can compress like the bus in Prisoner of Azkaban...
frenchlauan
a Depressed M Bison after Street Fighter ... His Family took him for a Cruise to Cheer him Up!!!
Penguator432
"The goggles! They do nothing!" "Well, maybe you should them over your eyes and not your forehead, Genghis"
InTheDuck
30 minutes after the fall of the Soviet Union the Ukraine overturned their laws against fun...despite the helmets, it ends badly.
mrpeabody
The Soviet version of Hogan's Heroes had twice the hilarious antics and none of the sexual deviancy.
scampbell
Once Berine emerged from the tank and saw his shadow, the soldiers knew there was 3 more years of fighting in Iraq.
nikpappagiorgio
Your mother wont care that I forgot about valentine's day once I give her this awesome new ride.
Bishopwhitet
Ha, now that we have captured Obabma's Top 8, we will go ahead with plans for takeover of world!
TheGuessWhom
Russian frat boys get command of a tank in Michael Bay's hilarious upcoming "When the Communists bring the Party!" Coming to a theater near you.
PaulDoe
Look at it this way. If they only kill the people manning the vehicle, we can get the deposit back on these tanks!
Julius_Goat
After all soldiers that might have possibly been considered gay were drummed out, the army had a bit of a personnel problem . . .
connan
"So what are you going to do now that you're unemployed?" "Oh me. You don't worry about me."
jspot2k
The Traction On The Tank...Goes Round and Round....Round and Round....Round and Round.....
Piercewise1
Mel Gibson's new movie "Crossing the Delaware" took a few creative liberties.
donarumo
Though he got to drive the tank, Roger had grossly over estimated the popularity of the mustache in new Russia.
connan
I guess the Armenians were pissed off Obama declined to mention the Genocide at the hands of the Turkish government.
InTheDuck
You laugh now, but this is actually the opening shot for a gay porn spoof of "The Hunt for Red October"
Wanderer
On second thought, thought the commander of the Russian Tank Corps, maybe Princess Leia wasn't such a good choice as helmet designer.
DamnitDog
Russia's version of the caravan, and no it does not come in Perry winkle blue.
darkPrince010
Because everybody knows shrapnel can't get through an awesome padded hat if you've got an ex-KGB general sitting on your tank...
Teecko
Today, people from Greenpeace managed to push the Russian Military into converting to an carpool-only invasion statedgy. In other news today, cats have taken control of the Catholic Church, and decreed that the new Supreme power will be called Tac.
DamnitDog
Seth McFarlane begins plans for the Family Guy live action movie. This is not in it.
Wanderer
"The 'do-it-yourself' uniform concept really makes our new recruits look stupid," thought the tank commander.
christophorous
Portland Sanitation: We remove the stoners from your home or business, and deposit them in a nearby landfill.
2noame
"I will live in Montana. And I will marry a round American woman and raise rabbits, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck... maybe even a "recreational vehicle." And drive from state to state with my comrades. Do they let you
ofareggie
Do you know what happened to the boy who got everything he ever wanted? He got a fucking tank and he cruises around with his buds, invading his neighbors, crushing shit and lived happily ever after.
AsYouWish
This is how The Goonies ends in the Russian cut, they storm the American Embassy and kill the "Yankee Bluejeans"
HelperMonkey
so, this is how THEY settle land disputes? I feel like such a wuss for going to court.
divinecomedy33
ô We got a great big convoy, truckin' through the night..We got a great big convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight..Connnnnvooooyyyyyy ô
DarkMatter
Once the enemy tank was secured, the officer followed standard military Russian protocol and promptly T-bagged the tank in the name of Mother Russia
dirtyhippie007
The second North Korean field missile test didn't worry too many folks either.
gtrplyr515
For the Rodgers's family, they weren't taking crap from the neighbors anymore
Bell110
What the lack in skills and weaponry, they more than make up for in pure batshit insanity.
hyperferrianism
Let's see if I can cover all of the applicable Craptions cliches in one: In Soviet Russia, M. Bison surrenders to the French special ed Scientology class!
meikamo
The new "Street Fighter" flick was yanked from theaters not because it was an awful movie, but because old pictures of M. Bison's "Tank and Retard Day 2002" surfaced on the internet.
divinecomedy33
ô Ivan Ivanov Alexi Yakov Petrov..That's myyy name toooo..Whenever we go out, the people always shout, there goes Ivan Ivanov Alexi Yakov Petrov LA LA LAA LAAAA LAA LAAA LAAAA ô
RaRaRecords
The Aerican Empire's first military operation: Looking silly in a rented tank.
Ziga
Everyone looks happy except for the guy who realizes that someone is actually taking photos of this.
smoochy
Many centuries ago, all Russians had blonde hair and blue eyes. Then the Mongols came....
zbeebs
As most of the platoon looked forward to a well deserved night off, Colonel Stevens men knew they would once again be up late thoroughly scrubbing the tank.
mharpercurto
The repurcussions of disobeying Russia's "No child left behind act" are a little more serious
hijodela
-Oh shit how do you turn right! -Damn I'm sexy! -I think I'm going to be sick... -Wheeee!!! -Wheeeeee!!!
codespyder
Having never received the memo, Cpl. Yasgrutin finally begins his division's counterattack against the Wehrmacht.
hijodela
Deciding to forgoe the traditional ammunition the Bulgarians unleashed their severed head Gun.
.O.G.
The army went to extraordinary lengths to run over that tiananmen square protestor
vampiredude
Its my turn to drive the tank! Why do we have to wear these stupid helmets? I have to use the bathroom!
HellionKing
From the executive producer of Red Dawn and famed director Michael Bay comes the heartwarming story of young college Russians in Soviet Lampoons: European Take-Over!
.O.G.
Tierd of always being picked on the special needs kids saved up for a new mode of transport
twiglet
I swear to god if this is won by an internet meme that should have been put down years ago i'm going to scream.
The_Boot
"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations." Or both at the same time!
reckless
Source: The International Wrestling Championships 3/29/2008 The Berlin team didn't place, but they sure won points for intimidation.
Brock_Danger
The commander, being a gentle soul, didn't have the heart to tell Jimbo that the metal circle did not, in fact, drive the tank.
quagmyre
In retrospect, As messed up as GM was, they would have been better off without Obama crowning himself CEO.
quagmyre
you're twitchin from the itchin, squirmin from the burnin...you should have used Preparation H
bafaulkner
Private security in Iraq during the economic crisis might not be as productive as before.
dirtboxwailer
C'mon nerds! Let's see ya work that "Dr Manhattan joke" magic that you all suck at so bad!
bafaulkner
All right, Pavol, all you have to do is get this thing up to eighty, hit that ramp straight on and we'll clear those 20 cars.
bafaulkner
At Crazy Yanni's Used Armored Vehicles, our prices are so low they're INSAAANNNNNE!!!
iantendo
If only there were someway to humourously observe that these people are possibly from some kind of communist Eurasian country and are doing something unusual...
smoochy
Simple. Tanks with no reverse. Each gets one driver and one case of vodka. The rest will work itself out.
suitesned
Although the crew now found it humorous, the captain was still upset that Vlad had eaten a bologna, mustard, and onion sandwich before the trip.
Leaf
"General, why couldn't we go into town to track down some pussy like the other guys?!?" "*sigh* Look boys, I'm just trying to spare your feelings, okay?"
the-observer
Comrade Professor Phillips and his batallion of ADD suffering history students attempt to recreate the battle of Stalingrad except this time... its personal
Spenjonez32
The Russian Military has had to resort to kidnapping and putting Special people to work in the tank divisions.
smoochy
Yo,dudes. The yellow people are THAT way! Da, we know. That is why we are going THIS way.
S3PARADIGM
Everyone is too busy going on about the Russians that no one noticed the Japanese guy hijacking the BMP.
jonnygonzo
All went well at the KGB field day until the dreaded "cold war toboggan" tournament went awry
Xcalibur4005
Although not nearly as popular Chitty Chitty Bang Bangs sequel did have it's moments.
Fuall
Gangs in the post apocalyptic future are not nearly as intimidating as you'd think.
EMG0916
The Soviet Army discovered that the old adage "the more, the merrier" didn't necessarily apply to tank crews.
dpollok
"Now check your mirrors, gently apply the brake, and....hey, don't make me come back there!!!"
monkeysarenaked
Say what you want about the Harvard Streetboyz, they know how to fight a turf war
Slimer
Please keep your hands inside the tank at all times, ahh what the hell WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Bluewolf0121
It was after the destruction of the second Death Star that the Empire's budget was cut back.
tdixon
Roy from Sealand finally added to his army. He also brought along 7/27 of his nation.
dkhgames
The "real" special forces, right before they tried to fire the main gun on the 25mm. main gun which was filled with concrete, there were no survivors.
garbage
Moderately terrorizing the countryside, Mikhail and his loyal followers were the last bastion of communism in Europe.
twiglet
Why would I not be surprised to see this on the school run with the other hummers.
shart_bite
"I don't care if it's a tank, there's a lot of us so we're going in the carpool lane."
DocHoliday
C'mon boys, blaskon down the batton, servo up the sleater and put your clamer caps on! Frying Fish!
thirdanglico
The entire Russian Army has gathered for the upcoming uprising of the U.S.S.R
dudermcgee
The new Soviet riding lawnmower: room for your friends and drives like a tank!
BakD0R
The Russian version of the Short Bus has treads, a main gun and a very speshul crew.
87gn
THE UNIFORM OF THE DAY IS...OH, JUST WEAR WHATEVER THE HELL YOU'VE GOT. IT'S SILLY HAT FRIDAY!
CardCraze
"You remembered to take the missles out, correct Steve?" said the General. Steve looked on in horror. "SHIT! RUN!"
CardCraze
"Just a Special Ed Teacher they Said. Just a loser like my class they said. Well, who's laughing now? WHO'S FUCKING LAUGHING!?"
stormraven767
vlad:ahh...comrade dmitri...i think the steering wheel is ninside the tank.yes? dmitri:shut the hell up vlad! can you not see im trying to look god for the camera. and try not to look like complete retards ok?
azrulshahimy
He'll be coming round the mountains when he comessssss... ...He'll be riding six white douchebags,he'll be riding six white douchebags,he'll be riding six white douchebags when he comessssssssssss!
raeve
by their expressions i think those kids think dat it shoots out candy........ohh the innocence
tygereyeXII
When I told them to invite the whole family I had forgotten they were Russian.
tbwy18
"Out of the way, we need to help the South Ossetians." "South Ossetia? We're actually going to, well, would mind if we..."
Ozzie_Freedom
Who decided this was Russian? Seriously, everyone's joke is about Russia...
MikeDOttavio
Pumpkins at the pumpkin patches in Russia have a totally different atmosphere
Serdni
George 'browncoat' froze in the act of hitting Jim over the head when he spotted the camera. That bastard would get his for bogarding the tank.
Arthur_Dent
The Lithuanian invasion was spirited, but short-lived, as the bandages holding the cannon together unraveled after the first shot.
Britnayyy
The german TV show "The Magic school tank" wasn't as successful as the american version.
Britnayyy
The German childrens television show "The Magic School Tank" was never as successful as the american version.
Blackdoom
congratulations America you have proven me wrong again when I said your military could not get any dumber
Perx
The latest band inspired by Metallica. "You won't live to complain about the noise!"
jonnygonzo
oh come on, I give you mother fuckers comic gold every day and the whole craptions system is flawed. Like anyone wants to read the whole mother fucking list, it's only the top 5 on the list that get voted on. In fact I don't even know why I'm stating
johnnyshanks562
They decided they had enough when they couldn't get casted for Spaceballs, M.A.S.H., or Schindler's List.
gmoney8
Frank was supposed to be driving the tank, but he had to peek his head out so everybody would see his new mustache in the picture.
Mattay
The new captain was unhappy that his promotion meant the loss of woolly hat privileges.
jokerofthedeck
Eight Russian tourists on the tank... Eight Russian tourists on the tank... One fell off and got trundled upon... Seven Russian tourists on the tank...
scorpiogre
What is that a cannon?!?!?! I said bring me a Dannon you know the yogurt!!! IDIOTS!
erker182
Unfortunently, noone explained to them that "Washington crossing the Deleware" meant the RIVER, not the state.
dpollok
...and this puppy has gets 10 gallons to the mile and comes with a 5 war/5000 shot warranty.
shlunk39
All right, we've captured Red Team's flag. Let's head back to the club house for brownies and vodka!
Venom773
In an effort to meet recruitment quotas, the Russian Army had lower their standards...
Jefftildeath
Sorry babe, but this is simply the ONLY way that I can achieve sexual climax.
Alcala001
Zippy, the lesser known Transformer, tries to get his 15 minutes of fame during a break at the East Omaha Kidney Center, where he moonlights as a dialysis machine.
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