geniuswaitress
His methods may be questionable, but my drain is now completely unclogged.
Cap
I don't know what's cooler: the unicycle jouster or the Chewbacca pants on that guy up front
Iapyx
Before he could be the Retard king, Derrick had to fulfill the "Fucktard Prophecies" by unhorsing the fabled Dork Knight.
connan
Dear Cracked Craption Contest. Please stop taking pictures of me without my expressed written consent. Thank you.
CavalierX
Due to the recession, the budget for the World of Warcraft live-action movie was drastically reduced.
Iapyx
Sir Lames-alot charges at his mortal enemy Kenneth riding atop his noble steed, Jasminda, otherwise known as his sister's bike.
xgrendelx
Chivalry isn't dead, but this is a good reason to take it behind the shed and beat it to death.
slickjamesjik
A new spectator to stilt-jousting, Dave's jaw dropped at the sight of this spectacle.
Rex-Jester
Not pictured: the eight year-old on a big wheel with a nerf lightsaber that he's facing off against.
BeardedClam
And John Connor would go on to lead the revolution against our machine overloards.
Fkelleghan
A general who became a slave. A slave who became a gladiator. A gladiator who fought with girly weapons.
Julius_Goat
It was the greatest day of Vinnie's life. He'd overcome his fear of crowds, very low heights, jousting, looking like a douchebag, and sunglasses in one fell blow.
tallestmunchkin
Johnny's threat to "Go medeival on your ass" had always proved empty, until last Thursday.
duk3
"Nah, I'm tellin you man, the painter's cap really just sets it off. You look ill."
2noame
Allocating all his points obviously to charisma, Steve was left with nothing for armor class, sword skill, and defense against virginity.
bcanders
Dude - if it's important enough to wear breastplate armor, it's important enough to wear a damn helmet!
phreesh
Sure, he's carrying a lance with a boxing glove and that's kind of interesting, but dude in the back killed and skinned a Sasquatch to use as pants! How hardcore is that?
ajdellisola
Judging by the amount of on-lookers, Bob's bicycle jousting would get him laid that night
jessen
If you must "fight for your honor," make sure you haven't already lost that battle before you show up.
Adamaxis
When a village in Belgium found out, they sent their best warrior to fight this so called, "Global Warming."
tallestmunchkin
Sir Knoxville was one of the most under-appreciated of King Arthur's men.
Liquorish
At the stroke of midday, Cinderfella's armour and steed reverted back to their original forms.
nickg
Lesson one: how to hit an asshole wearing parachute pants in the nuts from a distance.
chapdaddy
With a look of determination Jeremy knew he won the battle, as for his dignity, that is another question.
Gambler
Opponent: "That's not a knife, THIS is a knife!" Our hero: "Ah, I see you've played knifey-boxing glovey before!"
lumberjef
As the flag of Retardia flew proudly behind him, John knew he was representing his country in the special olympics jousting competition
geniuswaitress
I missed the beginning, but this supposedly started when another panhandler took his regular corner.
Rex-Jester
There are times when the odd disagreements are settled the old fashioned way, like men. This is not one of them.
Rex-Jester
He came here to do two things: to chew gum, and to kick some ass. He brought enough gum for everybody.
Rex-Jester
It was going to be him, or the tank... only tomorrow's craption will reveal the truth.
xgrendelx
In case you're wondering, Yes, the other guy wins. There can be no bigger loser in any type of competetion than this man.
bafaulkner
Good thing he's wearing those sunglasses. Wouldn't want him to not see that the other guy's an idiot, too.
StoutMastaFlex
After disappointing movie sales, a mercenary was hired to kill Paul Blart, Mall Cop.
The_Boot
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself! And a colonoscopy from this guy.
Leaf
"You know, Kim. It's your fault our son is doing this." "My fault?! How?!" "You were the one who told him to get outside more. YOU were the one who told him to get a hobby. I was happy with him playing video games all day."
Diasdiem
The budget for Mad Max 4 was considerably smaller than the previous movies in the series.
smoochy
Of course you need the sword. The joust is just to get started. The fight is to the death.
Adamaxis
For some reason Iowa thought they could be their own country...aww...look they even have a flag!
The_Boot
The world will scream, "Save us!" I'll turn to them and say, "POW! JOUSTPUNCH TO THE FACE!"
kenshin_trigger
We can rebuild him, Faster, Stronger, better than before.... but I don't want to spend a lot of money...
TheHonestyFishZ
Sure, it's easy to laugh at him from the safety of your keyboard, but take note of how he has no challengers. He killed them all.
Flayel
After 5 years of marriage, Dale was going to give Sarah that orgasm, or die trying.
somfas
on the new american gladiators everyone feared the one-legged, armored, pogo joust!!!!
Mrs.Lovett
Little did they know what would happen when they released him into the REAL world.
phreesh
If LARPing means seeing douchbags get hit at high speed with boxing gloves, I'm beginning to see the attraction.
connan
I'm glad he's protecting his nuts, because I would hate to lose his genes in a horrible accident.
halcyonic
Since the death of Sir. Cecil's beloved horse, Badass, left him penniless, he attempted comeback has been a little improvised
ATPkid
When Tom came up with this idea when he was 7, 30 years ago, it seemed much more badass
Guruawc
way 948475 to break a bone easier then you thought make your own set of armour and joust with it.
jspot2k
On His Way To Pick Up Some Groceries, DOB Stumbles Upon Miley's Whereabouts.....And The Rest....Well...The Rest Is History.
chapdaddy
They wanted viewer sugestions for American Gladiator. Ask and unfortunatly they received.
Iapyx
Tired of all the other wasteland kids making fun of his one really long gloved arm, young Mad Max got on his bike and went home.
skinnyboy
Having been shitcanned from his dream job at Medieval Times, Edwin didn't even know where to begin looking for the pieces.
ajdellisola
The entire community tried to warn Bob of the extreme dangers of Bicycle jousting, but Bob told the "No... I have to do this, to prove my father he was wrong!"
ajdellisola
Sure, Bob was facing a far superior bicycle jouster, but he had a secret weapon: his bike had a basket
ajdellisola
The Pygmy people were sad to see the giant champion who had defended them for years move on
TwigTheThird
The Knight's Tale sequel suffered from a lack of Heath Ledger and a director who was completely off his tits on acid
MotorcycleBoy
The other guy could afford a horse, armour ... And, tellingly, a proper lance.
TwigTheThird
Is this how we celebrate Gladstone's return? Or is that how he arrived this morning?
fishermanD
With the crowd aghast and his trusty goat boy cheering him on, Carl prepared to prove them all wrong.
TwigTheThird
I don't care what you all say, he's still my favourite Street Fighter character.
Edzera_Man
Heath Ledger will replay the rest of time living out the last scene in A Knights Tale.....tastless?
TwigTheThird
The T-800 was designed to kill. The T-1000 was designed to infiltrate. The T-500 here? It was designed to pleasure...
ivecomehomenow
"In this corner Randy 'The Ram' Robinson Jr" Crowd: Ram Jam! Ram Jam! Ram Jam!
JZ89
Brother! You almost had Titan on the duct taped light bulb joust! What do you have to say, brother?
senator_FuenteZ
In it's bid to be the newest olympic sport, onlookers watch as competitors compete in 'Tard Boxing.
burjennio
just off camera, the spartan leader cracked a wry smile, cast a glance to the Gods and proclaimed "what a fuckin retard"
CorneliusBirch
With 'Bruiser' in the foreground, how long did it take you to notice the dude in the background's pants?
MiniMike723
Ladies and Gentleman, we present to you the winner of the 2009 Retard Joust: the Duke of Never Going to Get Laid.
Roscoe
As the hungry giant's lance connected with his crotch, Jaime wondered why he'd even worn his beef jerky pants in the first place.
dpollok
Rollin', on my tricked out Schwinn, got a homemade joust pole and a suit make of pie tins. Crowd gathered 'round, they think I'm a clown. They'll change their minds when they witness the beat-down...
jazzbo
We can rebuild him. Make him better, stronger, faster. Ok, maybe not stronger. And definitely not faster. Better is a bit of a stretch too. But we can rebuild him.
BONERJAM
In an age of common sense, dignity and intelligence.......one redneck bike jousts to forge a new path.....
aldomatt
They said it couldn't be done, but one man has managed to pull off being a virgin longer than a Trekkie.
Archprophet
It was at this point during the first Mario LARP that everybody felt a little sad inside.
OlDirtyJerz
The crowd waits in hushed anticipation as the worlds firts tricycle pole vault is attempted.
darthtanion
Don't make me angry... you wouldn't like me when I'm angry... you probably wouldn't like me when I'm happy either... why doesn't anybody like me?
sutchy
Much to everyone's surprise, Will Smith's ear cleaning operation was a huge success.
keeperotd
Duct tape, Basement junk, Copious amounts of acid and a Heath Ledger fetish...priceless
csycunningham
Mad Max's cousin, while capable of riding a unicycle, was significantly less intimidating.
sarduchi
Sure I thought the drunken bet had gone too far, but on the other hand I'd sold a lot of tickets.
christavos
With the exception of Midget Tossing, Redneck Jousting has become the fastest growing underground sport in America.
utred
He was disqualified because the shopping clearly gave him an advantage over the people using horses.
cuddlesmcstig
Jousting is about the only sport that the X-Games could make less interesting.
chickenface
Ted prepares to do battle against the chess team's champion to see who gets to use the rec center Friday afternoon.
shart_bite
The real contest is to see how long you can keep your dignity while doing this. He holds the record for 42 seconds.
GrandMoffWow
The Mad Max remake looks like its going to suck.....Still looks better than Thunderdome
dirtboxwailer
Ahhh, so THIS is the dude with all the Dr Manhattan jokes.......now it makes sense
pacey
surprisingly, the audiance was less amazed at the idea, and more interesed in the outcome. The horrible, horrible outcome....
Marijawillow
The crowd silent; the donkey strapped into its harness; Kevin knew this ass wouldn't easily be pounded.
Shane?
What I've learned from Craptions: People will stand around and watch damn near anything!
swankyway
"You're gonna fuck up the economy so bad your medieval ancestors will feel it!" - Psychic to George Bush in 2005 after she saw an image of a horseless jouster and a man dressed in leaves in her crystal ball.
Adamaxis
This is what fucking happens when cable and internet go out.. DAMN YOU POWER BILLS!!
dstbstr
"I'd like to remind the crowd that the winner of this battle becomes Enron's next CEO."
FlanaganCRK
Medieval Times Restaurants deal with severe budget cuts during the Recession.
oxck20ak
the crowd stood in silent awe. they could not tear their eyes away from the heroic figure who had answered their call for a savior. never before in their lives had they seen such strength, such grace, such skills, such courage...
darkjon64
I'm on a bike and... it's going fast and... I've got a weapon I found inside my trash can...
toast323
"IMA GET ON MAH ROFLCOPTER AND SOISOISOISOISOI!" he said, but nobody listened...until now
quagmyre
Mad Max became a cult classic, Dirty Harry broke box office records, Unhappy Harvey is still looking for its niche.
ilicksquirrels
None of that "courts" bullshit. This is how we settle things in the hood.
Mandis13
Frank decided that if you're going to lose your damn mind in public, ya might as well not do it half-assed.
kantkieser
With Heath Ledger's stunt double out of work, he had to revert cheap re-inactments to keep the pots boiling.
bonzoello
Romania's annual Fertility Festival got off to a quirky start this year with the "Breaking of the Virgin" competition.
PandaBoy
Sometimes the saying "if you were in someone elses shoes" doesn't need to be said.
PenisVagina
"And after I slay this mighty dragon I will murder the douchebag in the Elmo t-shirt!"
MexicanJuice
If you think this looks totally gnarly, imagine what everyone in the background's seeing through their 3D glasses.
Christofski
" Okay people stand back... We are trying to make a 1980's post apocolyptic movie here, Someone fetch more smoking metal barrels".
Darclipto
Announcer: And here comes World Uncycle Joust Fisting Champion, Hugh Jorgan, ready to ram that that monster fist into Mike Hunt!
OvaltinePatrol
Just as the Postman was inferior to Mad Max, so too was Pineview's notion of entertainment inferior to Bartertwown's.
OvaltinePatrol
The Warrior of the City Park, the Ayatollah of Light Jazz, Lord Wankmungus.
rpierrelouis
I am lancer, i am prancer, i am dancer, i am the fool on the bike, I AM BEOWOULF!!!!
jordanahrens
His father was an austere, his mother was stern, he... was just plan TARDED.
wiched99
in the struggling economy, even the 6 million dollar man is reduced to this pile of scrap metal. yeah that duct tape body chest will help
wiched99
fight for me......and i will hold your oaths fulfilled.....WHAT SAY YOU!!!!!!!!!
TH322
Then the young girl ran screaming into the crowd. "Daddy, no! Mommy has been hurt enough by you!"
Dashaderic
In the old days, it was duel with broadswords or pistols. Now.... URBAN JOUSTING!
m4djest3r
Spend Spring Break 2009 at Home Depot where the Annual Jousting events are held!
fanatic
In Heath Ledger's personal Hell, he will spend eternity reliving a remake of A Knight's Tale, as produced on the budget of a Star Wars fan-film.
dlweak
The "Mad Max: Beyond Suburbia" script was quickly dropped due to insistence of more family friendly PG rated weapons.
H.R.Hippo
"And this time it will work. I will raise up high into the sky and never return here again..."
Dr.Pepper
Do you see what you did, Britney?! Kevin, get off of that thing! You look ridiculous!
gypsy61
The audience watched in silence, for most, this was the most retarded thing they'd seen the Henderson boy do
deaved_wrath
The reason Albanian PunchCart Boxing was declined as an Olympic sport wasnt that hard to realize.
mgyeager
No, all my gear has a purpose. Well, actually, the hat and shades are there just to make sure I don't look silly.
GreenArrow
And as he slowly rode off into the sunset, the crowds thought "there goes a true warrior."
outoftimeman
Rick knew he would draw a crowd to street joust, but her forgot to find an opponent
DangerousBob
The crowd had their doubts while watching the filming of Gladiator 2 When Rome Calls staring Jim Carry
SamLowery
Johnny Bob thought he'd armored himself up pretty darn good, given the swiftness of the Zombacalypse. He didn't and was to caught up with his own awesomeness to realize the zombies were all behind him eyeballing his completely unprotected buttocks. A
zbeebs
Of all the Renaissance Fairs out there, this one oddly is the most historically accurate.
SUPERNAUT44
Due to budget cutbacks, Detroit had to combine the Rennaisance fair and Hempfest
Lord_of_fail
American Gladiators took a pretty bad hit from the recession, but all in all it's still mostly the same. Mostly.
DangerousBob
Holy Shit, 4 votes? I got to this crapton so early, I might have a chance to win, quickly I need to think funny! ...
gypsy61
Gary spent all night on his armor, only to be out done by Gregg who turned his bath mat into pants
twiglet
Record attempt for the worlds most disastrous group hug (not pictured, motorbike, jetpack, segway, unicycle)
diddilyfudge
Junky Jousting when medieval hobos come to the future. coming to a theater near you!
StoutMastaFlex
Whenever Russell Crowe hopped on his vespa, crowds gathered for no reason.
ivecomehomenow
The crowd stood aghast as the once noble knight donkey punched Rihanna into submission.
arm66
Since the Democrats took the White House, the military prototypes just ain't what they used to be.
McIntyre
Alot of people think that jousting went out long ago, but the truth is it just evolved
lumberjef
Goliath hit the little man in the flaming pants, in the balls. "Ha!" he exclaimed.
poulet_fr
Today in "What have they become", the sad story of how Robocop recycled into a huge wooden dildo delivery man after being fired from police for crack abuse.
ajdellisola
Arnold was upset when Bob didn't even notice his curly fries pants before going out to bicycle joust
TwigTheThird
For a post-apocolyptic wasteland there sure are a hell of a lot of trees and colourful t-shirts...
SlappyMcGee
Trevor's concentration was nearly broken by the heckler half-dressed as Chewbacca.
bafaulkner
Eric vowed to defeat the Black Knight so that the children could return to the realm.
bafaulkner
What's the deal with the guy's brown pants to the left? We can't allow such silliness here. This is serious stuff.
StoutMastaFlex
The new "Segway" edition to the X Games brought nothing but hardcore losers...
bafaulkner
Panic spread when the candidates for America's Top Model saw Jeff come down the street.
fishermanD
"Remember where you are - this is Thunderdome, and death is listening, and will take the first man that screams" yelled Richard Simmons.
TwigTheThird
And this is what I made over Spring Break. Incidentally you shall all bow to my will.
StoutMastaFlex
"There must be at least one copy of Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector out there...somewhere....
christophorous
The Minute Men unveil their new "Git Back Thar ya Danged Illegal Aliens!" suit.
smoochy
Mechanical dragons are easy to beat. Just pop him in the nostril where you see the flame coming out.
buddhacris
Paris Hilton requested a knight with a fist so large that not even she could handle it.
sgt.salt
think its bad when you feel like you should have grown up in the 70's? try feeling like you should have grown up in the 470's
montywade
2noame got robbed!! The caption "In the UK, that there would be called a giant fag. In the US, he'd be called a biker" on April 3 was by far the best! For shame, Craption voters, For Shame....
InTheDuck
As a Knights Tale fan, Brad thought this was the best way to honor Heath Ledgers Death.
coolerhandluke
For some reason the Mad Max remake starring Pee Wee Herman just wasn't as successful.
Anthelion
And it was only at that moment Tom realized he had forgotten to put wheels on his bike...
Doosuldorf
God no wonder he was victorious, i knew i shouldn't of worn the shag carpet pants.
Warpedpavilion
Canada's attempt at finally bringing their military into the 18th century.
keeperotd
In a world where one man stands alone against the evil G-20...and a guy wearing Ewok pants
jrdnwill
no no no, it will never work! the the boxing glove battering ram is in the wrong hand
kenshin_trigger
They cut back on the budget for Terminator: Salvation after the whole "Bale freaks out at anything" fiasco.
Boxy
Thed dued with t he sword is lame. The facet that the crod is riveted is even lamer.
archangel9363
spectator in brown 'pants' : no-ones realized that I haven't my legs in 9 months...
ELFfromToronto
Like how after marijuana was made legal, you could hardly find anybody smoking the stuff.
Park2
To avoid further embarassment, the Detroit Lions have hired this guy to be their mascot
x_The_Jester_x
Kevin was heartbroken. He was sure his Chewbacca trousers would take center stage this year.
dpollok
The townsfolk gathered 'round as the plan to rid themselves of Oprah's evil Vajayjay once-and-for-all unfolded.
sunnee_days
I don't know about you but my attention is drawn the guy with half a bearsuit on in the background
Jumbo_Patties
Not pictured: terrified children running from the fuel-efficient terminator.
dpollok
That coyote is really a crazy clown, When will he learn he can never mow him down? Poor little Road Runner never bothers anyone, Just runnin' down the road's his idea of having fun.
leesael87
Its nice to see that the homeless can recreating ancient jousts with bike parts and cardboard
pacey
...not to be out done, Doucherlander took the street, in what was anticpated to be one of the most unbelievable toilet stunts ever.....
crhino
Memo to: Cracked Re: Craptions If I can't make a japanese joke, a comic con joke, or masterbate to it, it just ain't a craption. Come on you people...your better than this !
smoochy
Sure it's O.K. for the "Black Knight" to have a razor-sharp point on his. Everyone has their own style.
keithellis
mr armstrong feels he doesn need his epo this year to win..... his trusty lance will do it
rachelgail16
wow....i've been to shitty renaissance fairs before but DAMN this takes the cake!
ssdrunks
His pride in shambles, he admitted you could not simulate a hockey fight on dry land.
dpollok
As Jared focused on the battle at hand, he had no idea that a brown bear with the top-half of a hippie suit lurked behind him.
MrThreeCats
Not being able to accept Lance Armstrong's victory in the tour de France, the French released their secret weapon.
FLYEboi50
I thought video games were recession-proff? :( This is truly a sad day in history.
8::::::::::D~~~
NRA Anti-Gun Legislation point #32: What will YOU do when the Mexicans invade?
Mattay
Budget cuts on the set of Transformers 3 meant the special effects department needed to improvise
darkjon64
Stuart was happy with the way his weapons and armor turned out, but the epic mount looked WAY cooler in SketchUp.
princey
So maybe that Y2K thing didn't work out for Mad Max. He still has the same spirit.
AlienSteak
''Millions watched As Randy Attempted to Defeate the Giant who Devoured his Son Jack''
knoxville08
unicycle - $50 armor - $75 boxing glove - $20 making an ass of yourself - pricless
DarkMan56
The community sent forth Kraglar the Strong, to halt the oncoming Goblin horde. Chaos soon followed.
satans666sarah
Go Green with SEGWAY! Economical recycled edition for only 25 payments of $19.95!
IBCannonFodder
In the post-Apocalyptic future, The last paperboy, was now PAPERMAN 3000!
matthekc
Chris Angel (AKA "a huge Douche") died today practising his next stunt. We'll tell you more on the nightly news a 9:00.
November 2009
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