The 13 Most Baffling Book Titles

#6. "Bombproof Your Horse" by Rick Pellicano

If Bombproof Your Horse could actually deliver on the promise of the title, it would be one of the most bad-ass things ever made by the hands of men.

Sadly, this book cannot teach you how to ride a horse through a torrent of flame and the hail of machine gun-fire. If it could, the horses would have gotten ahold of it and taken over the world by now.

#5. "Old Tractors and the Men Who Love Them" by Roger Welsch

Oh, so we're back to this again? Is there no sexual perversion you aren't willing to explore, Poorly-Worded Book Title Innuendo?

Look at it. You can try to convince us that this isn't a book about Southern men having unprotected sex with rusty farm equipment, but the face of that guy on the cover just implies a broken marriage and a series of tetanus shots.

#4. "The Great Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories" by Alisa Surkis and Monical Nolan

Now we're sure about this one. It's clearly catering to at least one sexual fetish (unless it's just Old West stories that take place on the island of Lesbos) but we aren't sure exactly which one.

We'd look into it a little deeper but we don't really want to know what sounds lesbian horses make during sex and what kind of apparatus they use.

#3. "Natural Bust Enlargement with Total Mind Power: How to Use the Other 90% of Your Mind to Increase the Size of Your Breasts " by Donald Wilson

We're going to come out right now and say that the power of positive thinking is not enough to increase anyone's bust size. If it was, guys would have been abusing this sexy yet potentially hilarious flaw in God's design well before this book was published in 1979.

#2. "Celtic Sex Magic" by John G. Hughes

We aren't entirely sure what sex magic entails, let alone Celtic sex magic. But if this book teaches you to pull a rabbit out from anywhere other than your hat--especially if it requires you have Larry Bird nearby--please keep that trick to yourself.

Still, it's nice to have a book that's actually about weird-ass sex practices, instead of some kind of crude misunderstanding based on a poorly thought-out title.

#1. "Cooking with Pooh"

Oh, come on!

Do yourself a favor and check out Michael Swaim's look at The 10 Most Devastating Insults of All Time. And if you took a Thanksgiving holiday from Cracked over the long weekend (we'll let it slide THIS TIME) don't miss The 7 Most Ingenious (And Insane) Smuggling Techniques, our look at 6 Ways World of Warcraft is Worse Than Real Life and the latest from around the web and The Mirth Canal in our new Top Picks Section.

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