This week we're all about telling you how crappy something is in a helpful list. Technology, video games, toys- nothing is safe. That, and a weekly, obligatory Christian Bale shout out, (We love you, Batman! Please hang out with us!).
...And dick jokes.
Hey, do you like porn? If so, send your love to Michael Swaim, because he's fighting for your right to watch free porn this week. If you hate porn, do you love Ross Wolinsky? Because he's got some more ridiculous videos for you. Alternatively, do you hate Ross Wolinksy? Well, we got something for that, too.
With Christmas coming up right around the corner, we strongly recommend picking up "The Best of Nelson: The Millennium Collection" to really let that special someone know how you feel about them, (hint: indifferent).
Notable Comment: A character by the name of "Blacksuit" posted twenty times in passionate defense of Vanilla Ice. We've been saying it for years, people: Blacksuit is Vanilla Ice.
|6 The 6 Most Overhyped Technologies
Even if you could care less about technology, we guarantee at least one poorly-photoshopped picture of Katie Couric's head on a fat guy's body and, really, isn't that what life is all about?
Notable Comment: Yabels says "One technology that gets waaay too much hype is airbags."
TELL us about it, everyone's always, like, 'Ooh, my airbag saved this, and my eight year old daughter can walk today because my air bag did that." Blah blah blah. Call us when you can download music on it, right? Are we right?
|The 6 Most Disappointing Video Game End Bosses
Getting to the last level in a game only to realize that the big boss you've been worried about the whole time was really just a little bitch is almost as depressing as realizing that you wasted your entire childhood playing video games.
Notable Comment: The comments section for this article erupted in a series of additional similarly disappointing bosses.Do...do video games just suck? Like, every single one of them?
|10 Classic Toys (And Why They Suck)
Remember how you spent hours and hours catching the ball in the cup or watching the bed spring fall down the stairs? What the fuck were you thinking?
Notable Comment: Playbahnosh says "Fact: Boomerangs are awesome. Little-known fact: Boomerangs need fucking years to master." Right. Takes years to master. Just like any great toy should. Playing isn't about fun, it's about working hard your entire childhood for a comparatively pathetic payoff. Have you ever thought about designing toys, Playbahnosh? How about a video game that's only operational after you clean your room and finish your homework, or perhaps a talking doll that constantly reminds you what a disappointment you are?
|Who Wants a Kindle?
Cracked investigates and finds out what kind of person would actually need 200 books on them at any one time. And we really wish we didn't know.
|The News on Cracked|
Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.
The less popular: "2 Girls,1 Boat", is shockingly grosser than its predecessor."
We would have been doomed, but Marcy discovered that a little zebra hide can go a long way when it comes to making a sail.
"And tha trick was all steppin ta me, and I was like 'I know this trick ain't jus did that,' so I bust out my nine, and blasted on that foo."
"Damn, Leslie-Ann, you one crazy bitch."
"Sorry I'm late. You just can't leave the directions at "the wall with the giant cock on it" when you live in San Francisco."
Teamwork: Because bullets can only go through so many bodies...
After washing it yet again, the guys from Precinct 23 were determined to get rid of that damn pigeon.
His village destroyed. The one he called "Father" murdered. His girl taken. "Yes," thought Hefty, "this time Gargamel has fucked with the wrong smurf."
To many tattoo's to remove them...pah! He was going to proof them wrong!
"A four-hour Mass?" Cardinal O'Malley decided instead to snap some proof for his parishioners that he'd been there and then sneak out to find a pub.
1 Crack-Up "Oh God", he said, adjusting his rear view mirror, "they're still following me".
How Walt Disney imagined Disneyland's section for Jews.
Editor's pick (tie):
Polish police defend their nations honor after losing the international spelling bee.
"Who hid the tennis ball in my Disney co. Riot Helmet?"
Armed Forces Tetris never really took off.
Peter had little faith that the plan would work, but when all 5 of the enemy soldiers bent down to pick up the quarter, he sprung into attack mode.