Old Robots Vs. New Robots and Energy Air in a Can: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Awesome Video Of The Day
Elektro: The Smoking Robot
Robots are everywhere these days: assembling our cars, detonating our landmines, and freaking out our cats. They’re simplifying our lives in new ways all the time, taking over tasks that we’d rather not do ourselves, and while that’s great news for those of us that are too lazy to freak out our own cats, let’s face it: despite their functionality, today’s robots are a total snoozefest.
It was a different story back in 1939, when Westinghouse premiered Elektro at the New York World’s Fair. Weighing in at 265 pounds, Elektro “spoke” off of pre-recorded 78 rpm records, had “eyes” that could distinguish between red and green light, and could walk on command. He also smoked cigarettes and knew a handful of terrible pick-up lines.
Today’s robot manufacturers could learn a few things from Elektro. Why can’t they make a Roomba that’ll hit on my girlfriend, or smoke cigarettes, or do anything cooler than SWEEP MY FLOOR? You’d think between the advances in technology and decline in morality that we would’ve come up with a really awesome robot by now, one that can kick ass, talk trash, cook food and literally shit out awesome new next-gen video game consoles. Instead we’ve got Roomba, the magical plastic disc that can sweep your floor. If Isaac Asimov were alive today, I’m not sure if he’d be bummed out or relieved. Although I’ve never actually read any of his books, so I guess that makes sense.
Unlock The Awesome Power Of Oxygen
I’m not a professional athlete, but if I was, you’d better believe I’d have a case of Bix Ox Canned Oxygen within arm’s reach at all times. I’m currently getting more than enough oxygen to sustain my completely sedentary lifestyle, but it’s good to know that there’s a product available to give me a boost if I need one. Which I don’t.
According to their website:
“Today’s on-the-go people enhance their diets with vitamins and all-natural food supplements. They drink pure water and energy drinks to improve their vitality. So why not enhance the fuel our bodies need most frequently?”
Good point, Big Ox, but I think you’re needlessly limiting your demographic by only marketing it toward people with healthy, active lifestyles. While I’m sure people who want to be at their “peak performance” in a “high-energy environment” are ready to open their wallets up for a chance to breathe 89% pure oxygen, I can think of another group of people who would probably be equally interested:
Teenage stoners. They’ll inhale pretty much anything.
(both of today’s links were shamelessly filched from metafilter)
December 13th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
I’m still waiting for a bending robot to be produced.
December 13th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
DEAR LORD! THAT MONSTROSITY WILL KILL US ALL!
December 13th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
He was sold for scrap in the 60s, Swaim. Chill the fuck out.
Did you huff too much pure oxygen or something?
December 13th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
I have no idea what you’re referencing. I never get past the first half of your entries before losing interest.
December 13th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Tune in for next week’s theme: The 5 Most Hilarious National Tragedies Of All Time.
December 13th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
At first I thought, “I’m not going to waste my hard earned skrilla on a fucking can of air.” But then I noticed that it’s flavored air, and I realized that that’s what my air has really been lacking. It will make the coming robot apocalypse more pleasant when I’m in my 89% pure flavored oxygen euphoria.
December 13th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
There is reason to be afraid, Swaim. Ross mislead you. This from Wikipedia…so you know it’s true.
“Elektro survived the scrap pile and was restored by Jack Weeks.[citation needed] It is on display through April 2007 at the Mansfield Memorial Museum in the Westinghouse Robot Exhibit.”
December 13th, 2007 at 7:29 pm
I AM SHITTING MY PANTS RIGHT NOW.
December 13th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
Precocious lil’ scamp isn’t he.
Chain-smoking, misogynistic, full of attitude. All he needs now is an alcohol/gambling habit, and a penchant for whore-mongering and we have one of the best robots ever conceived by man.
The future was so much better in the past.
December 14th, 2007 at 1:28 am
I wonder if the buyers of the pure oxygen know that oxygen gives you cancer (if you don’t believe me, do some research about free radicals)
December 14th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
i like that the guy is bragging about how Elektro can walk, but then has to manually rotate him 90 degrees.
December 16th, 2007 at 7:54 am
oh everything gives me cancer nowadays.
what do you think comprises 72.5% of my christmas list.
it looks to be a dripping and bulbous stocking.
December 16th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
Ross Wolinsky Says:
December 13th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Tune in for next week’s theme: The 5 Most Hilarious National Tragedies Of All Time.
Nailed it! can i still say “zing”? or has that word been thrown to the wayside by the chicago hipster community?
April 21st, 2008 at 11:24 am
[…] been banging this drum for a while now, but maybe if I keep at it I can get the robot-making community to listen. If I were them, I know […]
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Actually Daniel, most free radicals are created by the mitochondria in your cells, not as much from the oxygen you breath. (If you don’t believe me, do some resaerch on free radicals)