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Whatever new-fangled video games and hover boards are hitting toy store shelves this Christmas, there are some classics that just never go away. We're talking about toys that go back decades and even centuries. Why? We're not sure, because most of them suck. #10.
Slinky
What is it: Why it sucks: Those children promptly ran up to the top of the stairs, pushed the Slinky off the top step and watched it flop down to the next where it would stay, completely inert until they nudged it again. Then, it would roll sideways off the step and lay sadly against the wall. Sighing, children the world over would then pack their Slinky away then go outside and do something more fun, like poke some dog shit with a stick. What can make it better: Fun fact: #9.
Space Hopper
What is it: Why it sucks: In reality, the bouncing properties of a Space Hopper equate to those of a dropped egg. And, forward movement is approximately that of an asthmatic beetle with two missing legs. Still, parents around the world saw those ads and, for many of us, at least one Christmas featured a huge, almost round wrapped gift under the tree.
"Gosh, I just don't know." You'd lie, while secretly hoping it might be two BB guns and a poster of the chick from Weird Science wrapped up with a soon to hatch Gremlin. But, you knew you were just fooling yourself. What can make it better: Fun fact: #8.
Ball in a Cup
What is it?: Sometimes called a "balero" depending on what part of the world you're in, it's a wooden cup on a handle, attached to a ball on a string. The idea is to toss the ball into the air and catch it in the cup. And then you...well, nothing. That's it. Why it sucks: What can make it better: Fun fact: #7.
Hula Hoop
What is it: Why it sucks:
Chances are there will be someone nearby whose body seems to be made of rubber, who can somehow gyrate their way to having five of the fucking things spinning around their waist and neck. They'll claim in a loud voice that it's so easy, that you just have to put your hips into it and you'll be fine. It is always OK to throw rocks at this person.
What can make it better: Fun fact: The current endurance record for hula hooping is held by Roxane Rose, who hula hooped for 90 hours in April 1987, probably due to some kind of mental illness. #6.
Aerobie Sprint Flying Ring
What is it?: Why it sucks: A game of Aerobie usually consisted of you throwing the Aerobie to a friend, or more accurately, toward a black speck on the horizon. Your friend will then have to go looking for the Aerobie, which has been predictably blown off course and ended up in a dog-shit infested clump of bushes 150 feet away. After an indeterminate amount of time, your friend emerges, covered in burrs, twigs and poop, and flings the Aerobie back at you. The Aerobie will, naturally, sail 20 feet over your head and land in the stagnant pond 100 meters behind you. The game will then be held up indefinitely as you and your friend decide "motherfuck an Aerobie" and go home. What can make it better: Fun fact: The word "Aerobie" can be used to refer to the sport of ultimate Frisbee, which is a non-contact sport and thus totally pointless. |
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You have to use the real hula hoops. not the crappy plastic ones. They hurt though.
Also did anyone besides me ever have those water torpedos? It was a torpedo you could throw to your friend underwater. Yeah I threw it once in the Atlantic and never saw it again. RIP water torpedo
my brother bought me a boomerang from australia and I almost caught it once. To make it return to you you have to through it overhand, 45 degrees to the wind, with the top side facing away from you. The non-returning boomerangs were used by the aborigines to hunt.
I always thought the hula hoop was invented by Tim Robbins. It's for the kids!
I liked my chemistry set, but that was back in the day when they actually came with chemicals. Honestly. If you haven't before, the next time you're doing some shopping for a kid, just head on over to wherever they keep the educational toys. Now, if you're like me, you might think, "There's tons of awesome s**t you can do with science. Not ALL educational toys are lame, and I'm gunna prove it!" Honestly. Go take a look at 'em. They contain nothing. Nothing. The most lively reaction you're going to get is vinegar and baking soda, and odds are that the 'set' won't actually contain either of those items, either. They're lame now. Not at all like the chemistry sets that were around when I was a kid, and I made that crap that will eat flesh if you get it wet. "Uh-oh! You got some of that stuff on your hands! Better wash it off!" Oh, the fun we had. Well, the fun I had, anyway. Sure, it got on my hands, too, and it burned like a m**********r, but that's science.
I prefer ultimate frisbee as a "contact-optional" sport.
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My parents realised how much fun I used to have playing with there yoga ball that they got me a moon hopper. I spent, like, two seconds trying to bounce on it then started playing with the yoga ball again. f**k those things.
s**t, I used to be pretty damn good with a yo-yo. I've still got my collection somewhere in the house.
Yes, COLLECTION. I had somewhere around 10, give or take, and I'm not (entirely) ashamed to say it.
Boomerangs aren't toys the same way MACHINE GUNS ARE NOT TOYS. Sure, throwing them very hard at the nearest unprotected skull is fun, but at the end of the day, it is a HUNTING WEAPON used to KILL KANGAROOS WITH and will most probably get you ARRESTED if used properly.
And some of them are designed to do a full curve if you throw it right. Some of them are only designed to do a partial curve: just far enough to smash into the spine of the nearest hapless emu so you have something to eat that night.
Ha, nice. Definite nostalgia with some of these irritating toys :P.
The ball in the cup toy is kind of fun, though. Depends on the model you buy, I guess, but ones where the string is long and the lip of the cup faces outward and is only just big enough for the ball...Fun.
Or maybe I'm the only one who sucked enough at it to get amusement out of that
I am sorry David but someone who can't get a boomerang to return to them has to be a deep level of stupid. Maybe you should try not throwing it indoors nor in the middle of a grove of trees.
I have a lame/frustrating/pointless toy to add. Those supposedly bouncy things that were like a kickball rubber ball stuffed through a hole in an oversized frisbee. You were supposed to stand on the edges of the 'frisbee' part and if you jumped up in the air, supposedly the thing would follow you and you could go bouncing around. The only time I could get one to bounce was throwing it down stairs and the only thing I could do on one was fall off.
To the part about diablo:
the original Chinese diablo would make a cool whistling sound when you got the hang of it and when it spun really fast. Also, the comment about things being " dire north of the border " was un-needed. Don't get all pissed and start jabbing at Canada because the Cirque du Soleil performers got the hang of it and you didn't.
All this and easy bake oven. I have many childhood experiences w/ this toy and others like it and absolutley hate it. You only have a few pakages of ingreadiants, the tools included are to small and there is only enough for one serving. Oh, and if you accidently stick ur finger in while it is on, it is very hard and very painful to get it out
I once had a flying ring, I throwed it so far I could never get it back :(
I actually was forced to play ultimate frisbee in high school PE. LAME!
when I was growing up, yoyos were banned from my elementary school because they were considered a weapon, along with rubber bands. Also, instead of playing with actual toys, my siblings and cousins would go to my great aunts house and have crab apple wars, were we would throw apples at each other as hard as we possibly could.
When i was in Y10 at school, a bunch of aboriginies spent a day at the school to teach us about their history and s**t... anyway, we went to a park to throw boomerangs and we dead set could actually catch them. no s**t. 16 year olds. but even though u could catch them, didnt make them any more fun
What about unicycles? Those things aren't much fun, either.
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my mom has a "real" hula hoop it weighs 5 pounds, is ribbed and basically is built to pummel the fat away.