Technohawk
With only a trampoline and a whisper of "Your shoe is untied" Staff Sergeant Max Fightmaster makes it to the front of the line for body armor in 4 seconds.
tsagirl
The Army is testing a new method of floating by using farts. As you can see it's quite effective!
senorpablo
Shortly after this photo was taken, The Army stopped training Special Forces near San Francisco...
MyersGuy
The squad slowly but surely pulled the earth right-side up. Their quick thinking saved the life of Lt. Anderson, who was stuck in a time warp.
cabdude
After creating a helium filled inflatable soldier, DARPA started work on its next project. A soldier with five asses.
cheeseypeas
As the Anti-Christ fell to Earth, the Genreal assembled his team of wind ninjas to repel the invasion.
crispy
Peter had little faith that the plan would work, but when all 5 of the enemy soldiers bent down to pick up the quarter, he sprung into attack mode.
Dire_Ria
DARPA's testing of its new gay repellent saturated BDUs was a resounding success.
rickecakes84
"So", the reporter asked, "Has the taxpayers money been spent responsibly in the war on terror? "Ummmmmmmm", replied the president.
savala277
The levitation trick's not all that great when you know the secret to it.........
kingstratego
You think it's bad when all your shoelaces come undone simultaneously? Spontaenous levitation, that's what is really bad!
cavalier_gor
When bullets and teamwork fail this squad, they compensate by leap-frogging over enemy defenses
the_jerk
With the recent budget cut to the armed forces, the military has to come up with a more cost-effective way for deploying airborne troops.
keithrogan
Renowned cryptozoologist Joe-Dan O'Leary is photographed capturing the legendary giant Guatemalan ass-caterpillar.
toastbot
Running low on ammunition, Iraqi forces were forced to deploy their secret "Human Canonball" weapon. Fortunately, Allied soldiers were quick to develop an effective defense.
englishfreak
Five all-Mexican food MRI's + five enlisted men with intestinal issues + one private with no sense of smell = one government regulation air hockey table.
Avakar
By introducing beans into the Army's diet, Methane became cheaper for military usage for Lighter-Than-Air travel.
TurdSandwich
The other privates laughed to themselves, as Johnson found out the hard way that the drill sergeant wasn't kidding when he said "Assume the position!!!"
Monsster
Who cares if your country has no budget for proper paratrooper training. Improvise!: The Ukraine experiments with fart powered free fall exercises.
Roland1232
The Russian Marines know how to take orders. This marine was told to take a flying fuck.
AceJustice
Despite its widespread use, a senate committee was eventually formed to investigate the "present ass, get power-bombed" method of military discipline.
muppas
As the invisible gay ninjas raped his team, Corporal Schwartz exacted his revenge on the gay ninja leader.
iJosh
Evel Kneivel falls on hard times as he's forced to change his set. Instead of jumping over 5 buses, he's jumping over 5 crouched men. And instead of using a bike he's using..er.. nothing.
abend954
The effectivness of the military's "don't ask don't tell policy" was questionable.
mjohnson
The scientists were confident that they would solve the problem of the body becoming detached from the legs before the flying soldier platoon was deployed.
mjohnson
The scientists were confident that they would solve the problem of the torsos detaching from the legs before the flying soldier platoon was deployed.
NeoRudeboy
"Light as a flatulent feather, stiff as a flatulent board, light as a flatulent feather...."
Jackass
The army really needs to find a better defense than "Dat big ole putty tat will never find me in here!"
Grunt
Corporal punishment dealt to the private parts was a major bummer. As for the floating guy, I got nothing.
Pinceke
'' Ey Joe, these camouflage pants are great, now no-one can see I just shat me pants!''
Mr.Birchfield
Private Harry Johnson finally decided to use his power of flight to get away from the military from fucking him up the ass again. Fly high Mr. Johnson, fly high!
nuro
After years of repressing his gay, PVT Johnson finally flips the fuck out during stretch's.
JewelsVern
The military has an ancient tradition known as "assholes and elbows". But it always used to mean washing the floor.
Rosser
Amazingly, the soldiers were capable of producing enough gas to keep their comrade a-float.
swiss
CLASSIFIED MEMO It is found that five trained flatulencist can create enough propulsion to launch a 180 pound man an estimated 200 yards. State Department recommends securing a long term trade deal with Taco Bell to further research this techno
rival
Before the incorporation of the airplane, the US Air Force had a significantly lower casualty rate.
rival
Sure he was grossly outnumbered, but oddly, Sgt. Kale was fearless at the thought of taking on the German squadron.
Daboa
Evil Knievel realized his purpose in life when he jumped at 5 people who simultaneously sneezed.
porsche
Making sure the armed forces are ready for enemies coming at them from ALL directions.
schadenfreude9
Sgt. Davis' unorthodox tactics where quite unpopular among the Rear Admirals
undertaker33
I don't care how long it takes, I'm gonna nail that bastard if it's the last thing I do.
victicious
....suddenly Private Johnson regretted his decision to believe his buddies' on the new crowd surfing exercises that the military was planning. These guys had been dicks since basic training.
NeoRudeboy
"Light as a flatulent feather, stiff as a board, light as a flatulent feather......"
Nktalloth
"YOU! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR NAME!?" "Private Johns-" "WELL, YOUR NEW NAME IS BENCH, BITCH! GET OVER HERE SOS I CAN SIT DOWN! AND YOU TOO, ASSWIPE! FUCK IT, ALL OF YOU ARE MY BENCH, NOW BEND OVER!" "Fine... dad..."
zbeebs
Don't ask, don't tell. Don't ask don't tell. Oh, we were just... I said, "Don't ask, don't tell"!!!
MoonMilk
Colleagues are called upon to save prince harry after he leapt from the plane without a parachute.
Vankook
he couldn't explain how. He couldn't explain why. But all of a sudden, Pvt. masterson went from Pleasant dream to Utopian reality
MenDAKE
Like a tiger Steve Segal leapt for the kill, and like a stupid idiot he fell flat on his face as all five Azerbaijani separatists noticed their shoe was untied.
pillowpants
After Derek realized what he had done, he would never feel the same way about Assy McGee again.
pillowpants
The members of Alpha Unit were blessed with the foresight to duck within moments of the cookie hitting the ground....Sometimes Masterson could be such an asshole about his "three second rule".
SamuraiRobot
Whilst the rest of the men demonstrated the perfect "duck and cover" technique, Lt. Larry decided the best defence against a grenade was to get the fuck out of there by any means necessary.
fiatboomer
Tim couldn't leap tall buildings in a single bound, but he could at least clear a bunch of assholes.
englishfreak
The Army has now decided to settle military conflicts by playing Buck-buck.
Scotty Jamoka
beacause if he didnt drink, sergent Robert's friends would come, they were chopped in half.
kingsteve14
The Army has sunk millions into their fart density program. Unfortunately this is the only thing they have figured out how to do.
chives
the first recorded "supermaning" of five soldiers at once came about when all five solders' soap on a rope inexplicably fell to the floor at once...
Fellixe
Hiding their faces the squad was able to repel Saunders with the force of raw denial.
ilovecactus26
In recent news, bootlegs of appearances by the Pope have been getting top dollar on the internet. A spokesman for the Vatican said, "It is unacceptable for people to shamelessly make money off of our religion in such a way."
dhalsim
"hmmmmmmm, how can i make myself look like the most bad-ass mother fucker in this place?"
hill_austin
"I ripped off all their torsos just like this, and some how they didn't fall over."
fraser
fell from a chopper huh? well you sure were lucky we were all tying our shoes at the same time!
TwistedMonkey
His men tried to ignore the fact that most of Sargeant O'Leary's "drills", involved them bending over.
nirot
Perfecting the "Duck" portion of the "Duck and Roll" technique was somehow less unnerving with live fire above their heads.
Enabsflow
No matter the outcome, one thing was for certain: The U.S. finally ended the Cold War with Russia with the traditional tie breaking deathmatch of Leapfrog.
squittle
As he flew through the air, all Ron could think was "PLEASE FALL ON JIMMY'S AS PLEASE FALL ON JIMMY'S ASS!!"
gunlar
This is exactly why the goverment closed the presidio - they used to do this there - but in the nude.
gorrila_unit
its not his fault due to his owner he now associates dicks with peanut butter.
Lord
Inspired by Abu Graib, staff sargent Skieschoff couldn't help fantasizing about diving into a pool of man-ass.
Karoffel
-Do you really think 5 asses can substitute a parachute? -We are about to find out.
Karoffel
I hope Sergeant Miller was right about that substitution theory for parachutes.
Niff_Stipples
After a terrible car crash Steve was secretly put back together with animal parts. HOLY SHIT thats a good idea for a movie.
Alethio2k
You assholes think you can hide from this president by sticking your heads in the grass!? Think again! Uh... wait a second, maybe thats not such a bad idea.
granfaloon
Joe had tried, but that was too much to resist. Don't ask, don't tell be damned- he had to pounce.
Ranger
Using the hot air from their trained Commando farts...they can levitate their wounded comrade right into the Medi-Copter!
Blakk
Pictured here is 6 soldiers, 17 ninjas, and 19 vampires. This was the last picture this man ever took. Behind the camera stood Chuck Norris.
lemon
We've begun a new training tactic here called 'Ducking the human cannonball' which has been employed by those countries unable to afford actual weapons.
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