Did you know your favorite party snack was invented by a racist utopian cult?
I'm here to try and defend my beloved country against accusations that we're nothing more than a nation of evil, mustache-twirling, power-obsessed psychopaths in well-tailored suits.
People have always been dumb.
We're not saying that digging around certain sites will stir up ancient curses. But, we're not saying it won't, either.
Horror stories are great and all, but around Halloween, we like to focus on the real stuff. You know, the monsters that could in fact be outside your house right now.
Lots of you are too old and jaded to be kept awake at night by ghost stories and implausible urban legends. No, this time of year, you need something a little more real.
Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it. But you know what? Remembering history ain't always so great, either.
This is your reminder that the past is a bottomless pit of nightmares.
History repeats itself, which is why we're still trotting out tired old arguments when it comes to transgender issues.
It's a miracle we survived the Cold War.
History is fraught with inexplicable artistic trends which seem silly to modern-day people. But if you look into it, sometimes there's are very good explanations for them.
Pick even the tamest weekend activity out of the divorced dad's guidebook, and you'll find that the nearest equivalent in olden days was a horrific, inhuman distortion of what we have today.
Behold, the inebriated shenanigans of a chosen few legendary drinkers, whose stumbling binges squatted in the face of logic, national security, and history, and ripped a wet, beery fart.