Back in 2007, when the Internet was young, a plucky and ambitious group of hellions going by the name "Cracked.com" launched a feature on their site called the Cracked Blog. There, an elite team of barely legal humorists posted their thoughts about themselves, the state of society and semi-popular television programming. It was, in every sense, marvelous -- every word a bolt of golden silk, hanging in an eternal summer breeze. But time passed, and the bloggers started getting worn out, tired with the hectic pace of updating multiple times a day. They began writing longer posts that appeared less frequently, eventually shape-shifting into a MILF-ish group whom we now call the Cracked Columnists. By late 2008, the Cracked Blog was dead, a loss which would soon rattle the world's economy to its core. But it turns out that despite Cracked's wholesale abandonment of the medium, blogging didn't die out at the same time. Since then, many different blogs have continued to thrive and evolve. There are blogs about video games and blogs about food, and even a blog where there are pictures of a cat saying things. This is all well and good, but unfortunately, not all blogs have achieved such lofty feats. Many, in truth, suck all sorts of balls. Below is a list of some of the worst examples of how the blog format has been misused.
This does not make you a reporter. This makes you a secretary; at most a pornographer, and even that takes good balance and a gentle touch.There are a lot of varieties of parroting, three of which I've listed below:
I actually tried to search for a screenshot of a spam blog before I remembered that I didn't want my computer to get chlamydia. Here's a picture of an entire canned pig instead. It's a pretty small tin, so the contents are probably under pressure. Careful opening it, I guess.
An early draft of Mr. Mean actually had three pages of him taking low angle photographs of women getting out of cars.I understand that some of these blogs are very popular, but that doesn't make them any less awful. That they're popular isn't an argument for snark blogs; it's an argument against humanity. If I were to make one suggestion to the snark blogs, it would be to stop picking on the easy targets. Take some swipes at well liked figures. Everyone's all up on Betty White these days, let's start calling her out. Maybe see if we can get some photos of Kirk Douglas trying to get out of bed. See if there are any jokes in that,
For more from Bucholz, check out 10 Tips for Raising the Child You Really Shouldn't Have Had and What The Hell Is Wrong With Twenty-Somethings?.
Forget 'morale-boosters,' we'd rather have the money.
Trends among women trigger a level of contempt that's way beyond what is deserved.
These stories remind us what unlimited wealth and power can do to a human being.
Can we rest?