Because that satellite would have torn your legs off and set them on fire. Sheila only threatened to do that - she never had the stones to go through with it.
Yeesh. Everything is just gone. I guess I should call an insurance company?
That's a fine thing to do prior to an incident like this, with the intent of purchasing insurance. Calling after the fact, without that initial phone call having taken place beforehand is not.
They record those conversations, you know? Ostensibly for training purposes, but also to laugh at people afterwards. It's a certainty that a recording of your desperate begging for retroactive satellite insurance will end up passed around the insurance industry.
You think so?
"Please help me mommy." It's all but guaranteed you'd say that, and it will just sound insane when it gets remixed on the Youtube later this week.
I don't know if I'd actually say that.
You would if you were following this advice guide.
There is another option. You could try and salvage the satellite and sell it.
Will that work?
It's called industrial espionage and it works all the time. It's how the Japanese got so good at making cars.
Until the 1960's all Japanese cars had 5 wheels and were made of dried leaves. Worked awfully. Then they broke into America and stole the 4 wheel idea.
Is any of that true?
It must be, otherwise Cracked wouldn't be able to publish it.
Since then though, they've been pretty steady and sober.
Anyways, there are bound to be tons of buyers out there for satellite technology. You could easily make back enough to cover your losses.