"Should I not be biting down repeatedly?"
That isn't the only time a woman can be in her head, though. Sometimes we just can't turn off and concentrate on the boning at hand. Some of the women I talked to have ADD and said this is magnified in them. But even the neurotypical can get distracted. It doesn't mean we aren't into you or you're doing something wrong, it just means we remembered we need to unload the dishwasher.
But you don't always have to worry if a woman suddenly gets quiet in bed. Even ladies like myself, who tend to be just as verbal during sexy-time as we are the rest of the day, sometimes still need to shut up for a few minutes and concentrate. Yes, sometimes women have to concentrate their orgasms into existence. If the guy we're with suddenly panics that we have gone silent and assumes we don't like whatever he is doing anymore, it can throw our whole flow off. Just let us do our thing. Sometimes we're not even concentrating, we just need to take a break. It can be hard work continually giving you instructions and saying yes a million times.
Eventually we just revert to basic sign language.
Speaking of which, if we say "yes" that means keep doing EXACTLY what you are doing. Repetition is key for getting a woman off, and while I understand that just doing the same thing over and over with no variation can get boring, or you might worry we think you aren't trying hard enough, we really do want you to keep doing the thing that is working.
One of the most bizarre lines men use to brag is how they can "fuck all night." Um, good for you? How does your girlfriend feel about this prowess of yours? Because let me tell you, longer is not always better. Sure, I have had hours-long sessions that were lots of fun, but they are in the minority. When a guy lasts that long, a girl is much more likely to wonder why it's taking forever. We get sore eventually. If we have already orgasmed once or twice, things are probably getting to that point of sensitivity where it doesn't feel nice anymore. There is no need to keep going for another hour just because you can. Some of us have work in the morning.
"It's cool; you keep doing your thing back there. I'm just gonna take a power nap."
And since I'm being frank, here are a couple of universal tips to keep in mind:
Please do us a favor and concentrate on your aim. There are two useful holes down there and only one that we are concentrating on at any given time. If things start going a little crazy and you miss a few times, that feeling isn't pleasant.
Don't expect the woman you are with to be a porn star. Sure, most of us are down to be spanked or called names or try deep throating, but then the next time we have sex we might not be. If you want something that is even slightly outside the ordinary, and your partner hasn't made clear that they are always okay with it, make sure they are this time.
Finally, we don't mind if you finish before us, it happens. But when it does don't assume you get to just roll over and go to sleep. If we want a climax, too, you better offer to help us get there.
So, over 3,000 words later and we've really only scratched the surface when it comes to making a woman orgasm, haven't we? Honestly, it might just be easier to go find Bigfoot.
Orgasms may be the Little Death but Kathy wrote a very funny book about actual death called FUNERALS TO DIE FOR and you can buy it here. Or follow her on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, and Twitter.
A special thanks to: Amanda, Amber, Amy, Andrea, Dana, Deb, Emily, Erinn, Katie, Katy, Kelly, Mary, Meghan, Olivia, and Rain for their invaluable help on this article.
For more check out 5 Women From History Who Were Basically Magic At Sex and 5 Female Sexual Enhancements You Didn't Think Were Possible.
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